Then and Now !!!

With two years and one month under my belt, the two year anniversary out of the way and a renewed resilience and an even stronger positive out look I attack my third year head on !! I clearly remember lying in hospital "grasp " talking to a very good friend who had agreed to help me explore the euthernazia route. Her words to me were " let's give it a year ", and I thought to myself at the time a year would seem like a lifetime to me ! But as slow as it was, as recovery began, the will to live and conquer this adversity, soon became a will to live and beat this demon As apposed to a will to die.


Today, that will is stronger than ever before, and it is my intention to prove to other people that independent living with SCI is quite achievable, and that with a " can do " attitude, life is there for the taking !. The slogan of NIKE is so apt " Just do it ".


Having dropped the psychological labelling of carers etc, and now referring to the " gang ", who are all my PA's has had an unbelievable effect on myself as well as all four of the guys that continually surround me. I suppose that it's an ego " thing ". Not withstanding the aforesaid, there have been a few altercations with myself and the gang, but, I have taken control again and made it quite clear that their lives / jobs are pretty easy and quite frankly none of them are irreplaceable !! All dancing on eggshells now and - it's my way, or the highway !!! To quote my good friend Jo's words " don't slam the door on the way out ".


Plastic bags have been banned from No 9, to avoid Eugenes OCD and wrapping everything up, Michal has been instructed to get better with the program !, clean up his act, Andrea to stop expecting early release from his daily duty Rosta and good Ol' Rameez to get here on time for his weekend shifts !! All petty in the greater scheme of things, but it is too easy to get a little lax, and then everything starts to slide into a kind of complacent atmosphere whereby they start to dictate how your life will run - no longer !!!! this is MY life and they are in paid employment to make my life easier for ME. Familiarity breeds content, as we know, so I have toned down on the degree of " friendship " bantering and become more factual and directive in dealing with the gang. Order rather than ask, but with the politeness and respect of " please and thank you ". It is working and gradually the atmosphere is returning to a more respectable level all round.


So, with my ongoing quest to get out of this 4 X 4 and of rebuilding this body with a new attitude, things are running quite smoothly !. As I've mentioned in past blogs, once released from Alcatraz , you got to kinda fend for yourself ! So I have been experimenting with various ways of cutting down regimes that cuts into ones day time. With good advice from my friend Sarah, who has been in a chair for 22 years, and always the help from Alcatraz consultant etc etc, and for want of gaining more independence for myself I have taken more control with managing small but significant day to day things that will seem so easy to people going about their everyday lives.


Not intending to be crude, but sharing the realities of living with SCI, I'm tired of my bowel care being done on the bed first thing in the morning after leg excersises - depending solely on the PA's ability to manually control what stays in, and what comes out ! So we now do the excersizes, hoist into shower chair, and head for the loung area where we do FES at the same time ! Cutting down 30 - 40 minutes of the morning regime !!! Trust me !!, between the electrical impulses and gravity, it works !!! So there I sit like Ceasar, draped in white towels in the balcony doorway, ciggie in one hand, electric pads placed all over the bod on full tilt, sipping coffee and flashing at the trains exiting London Bridge station. The gang think I'm mad, but let me tell you it's the first time in twenty five months that I have been sitting in a normal position to do the daily nessessaries !!! Huge step forward !!!!


It's all too easy having all the help needed, so, again in order to progress with self recovery, I have taken to trying to plug in my iPad, fone, camera charger etc etc myself ! You try it - put one hand behind your back sit in a chair and try plugging your fone in to charge.......... Very, very frustrating !!!! Try putting toothpaste on your toothbrush with one hand, or opening a screw top jar..........Worst of all...... Try flossing your teeth with one hand !!! But I am mastering the art ! Am still spending fifteen minute odd on " writing " practice, and can thankfully report that I can write numbers, albeit slowly, and print write semi- elegiblably, but cursive is a complete shambles - I WILL get there ! Plus, big step of being able to sign my signature......... It's looking more and more like the old days !!

Fog-horn in place, led lights fitted and we still create havoc on the streets !!. Rameez is definitely the most adventurous of the gang ! We have loads of fun scattering the crowds at peak time in the stations.

So Rameez and I head off to the South Bank, to meet friends for a meal. I gather it's cold as everyone has coats and scarves on. It's a clear day and every mother and their pram/buggies is out and about !! Crowds everywhere !!!! By four o'clock, it dark. We take no prisoners........ Nobody moves out of the way, hooter and all, we don't wait in lines for the elevators, we wheel straight to the front and he simply points to the signs indicating that wheelchairs have right of way !!! We go online and buy some hectically blinding flashing led lights which are to be attached to my chair sides.......... And we are ready for the crowds now !!! Nothing, and I mean NOTHING will stop us now !!! It's a bit like a form of robo-cop. at this time of the year I may appear to be a nuked Xmas tree on wheels, but anything to Be visible !!!!!


My newfound love of trolling antique markets, car boot sales and charity shops has become a passion ! Rameez and I make an incredible team. He goes and offers a ridiculous bid, knowing full well it will be declined, and then he leaves and I wheel up and offer a few quid more ! Invariably we get what we are after.

I posted on FB pics of my new adapted vehicle being delivered yesterday ! I just got so tired of having to decline invitations out because of access and transport links. It is most frustrating, although I have to give credit to the underground for trying to upgrade as many of the stations as possible - a long and tedious process !!! I so remember years ago in SA when my loyal old Hyaudi gave up the ghost and my mechanic said " Gav, it would be cheaper to buy a new car than to try and fix this one ". My soulmate, Di, collected me from the garage and drove me to the dealership. We walked in and asked for the salesman who had been the most recently employed. We were introduced to a young guy by the name of Danny ( if I remember correctly ), who was super enthusiastic, rehearsed in his product knowledge and had been in the job for two weeks. I pointed at a little silver Atos and asked him the price - " I'll take it " I said !!! He jumped up and said " let me get the keys and we can go for a test drive ". " No, not interested in driving it, can I see your finance department " which I did, and half an hour later all was approved and Di and I walked out of the showroom with my car being delivered the next morning. I'm sure to this day, Danny must tell that story at many a diner party. AND, to this day the little silver Atos runs like a dream and hasn't given a days trouble !!! Trust in ones gut feeling.

So last week I call up the motobility people, get referred to their web page, spot a little black number, call the agent back, and tell him I " want it ". OK, he says, he will organise a home demo, and test drive. " Not nessesary " I reply, how quickly can you deliver ? Stunned silence !!! Well probably just after new year ! No, then I won't take it - I need it for Xmas ! He pulls out all stops, calls me back an hour later and has approved everything with my motobility scheme and can deliver on 23rd !! I started this blog with saying how I was going to regain more and more independence in my life, going into my third year - and that's what I am doing !!! I cannot express the newfound freedom of being able to finally get to wherever I want to. Another step in the direction of re-gaining as much off a life back as possible. Trust, Believe, Visualise and GO FOR IT !!!!


In closing, I thank you all for following my journey over the past two years and for the amazing encouragement from you all. Share my blog, share my story, and share as much positive energy as possible !! Live, love, laugh and attack all problems with a clear mind ! Everything is achievable if you put your mind to it. All the best wishes to you all over the festive season. As always, sent with love and ongoing good health wishes.

G.

Past, Present and Future...... !!!!

For too long prior to my two year anniversary of my injury, I contemplated the time span of recovery ! For weeks leading up to the November date, I felt myself gradually sliding backwards, a hole difficult not to slide in to, a place where absolute uselessness hovers and a place where one cannot express the helplessness of the body out ruling the positive side of the mind. To me, all thoughts of the process of forward progress was gradually grinding to a halt. This new body in the making.....just not getting there !! The why's, the when's ? The how long's..... All the questions started to filter back ! I, after two years expected to be whole again ! I expected to be walking again ! And I expected to be resuming my prior lifestyle !!! I, I, I, I all want and needs ! It was a few weeks of build up that I never suspected ! Demonds lurking in the sub-conscious , hope, self gratification etcetera all bundled into one ! I want to walk ! I want this body to maintain as it did before ! Sadly it ain't happening !! well not fast enough for my liking. But, I have to go with the " lot " being dealt to me and maintain a positive attitude towards my rebuilding of life, and this process called " recovery " !!!!. The dreaded anniversary date arrives and having conditioned my mind, I am wakened by my carer to a sun filled Autumn day, with my mind set in a good positive way !! No hate, no challenge, no morbid thoughts of " why's, when's , if's , buts etc. if anyone is gonna change this...... It has to be me !. I decide that the 7th of November is gonna be a MY day, a day where I can do exactly what is needed for me, and that's exactly what I need to convince myself of just how lucky I actually am. I refuse any morning excersizes, instruct a faster morning regime, shave faster than before, moisturise without cleanser, toner etc, refuse FES electrodes, choose the brightest of my wardrobe, and let the household know that I won't be doing any further Physio or standing frame for the day ! Eye-brows lift, but I don't care - today is My day !! Nothing other than a self indulgent day of no regimented regime. All my life I have lived near water, if not the ocean, a river or a dam. Water to me instills a tranquility of the mind. I wrap up warmly, and instruct a trip to the river - a mere 7 minutes wheel from home. Here on the edge of the Thames, I instruct both carers to leave me alone, to linger behind me at a distance where I can feel they don't belong to me ! At a distance where I am able to feel vulnerable without having any form of support should I need it. Finally, finally I am alone !! The muddy current of the Thames, chilled autumn breeze, nobody hovering around me, total silence in my head and oblivious to the city life sounds all around me. Basically, for the first time in two years I am truely ALONE ! I meditate, I sit and look around me, I pray, I argue with the universe, I try every working muscle ( not many ) to get angry........ But No ! It's not happening ! Now with the sound of the ebbing river, the water taxi's horns, the Fishermans banter etc etc etc, I begin to realise just how far I've come in two years, and just how fortunate I am to have the support I have, how lucky I am to have the adapted apartment I have, how lucky I am to have regained what part of this body I have, how every drop of blood, sweat and tears has paid off !! How fortunate enough I have the option of shopping out carers at will.................. The list goes on and on ........... From a 48hr death sentence, extended by another 48 hrs, induced coma, to waking up a complete mop, head to toe, not able to communicate, no body movement, eyes only, and destined to a life in some care home reliant on people 24/7. Hell NO, what gives me the right to complain ? It's thanks I need to be giving !!!! Here I am, sitting on the rivers edge, alone, with a functional arm, good head and a 4 X 4 to get me around !. What more could a cripple ask for ? The frustrations of everyday living kinda pale into insignificance. I was always one for labels. Clothing, furniture, aftershave etc etc, but now I'm governed by seams, zips, buttons etc, to maintain a healthy skin regime ! How lucky I am to be able to shop ! Womens department for tights or men's departments for sweaters - I now have more options ! I now live alone, assisted of course with 24/7 help, but how lucky I am !!. Getting back to the label thing, I labeled my help as carers, or the Jeeves - No Longer, they will from now on be referred to as the " gang " !. If I lable them as carers, I'm lableing myself as dependent, or disabled ! A truth, but psychologically, not good for the ongoing quest for recovery ! I cannot tell you how long I sat at the river, but I can tell you that the time spent there opened my eyes to the things in life that really matter ! In going forward, my whole mind set changed. We need to nurture what life we have in the now, coz there are no guarantees of what tomorrow will bring. Appreciate what we have, and continually strive to better that. So heading into my third year of crippledom, does not seem as daunting as the lead up to my second year anniversary !! We must love, laugh, listen, live, and embrace what's dealt us in life and strive to enhance all of the aforesaid ! My quest to walk again has been renewed ! Against all odds, one can achieve anything !! Trust, Believe, and make it happen !! As always, sent with love and ongoing good health wishes !! G.

Leaving Alcatraz and Starting my New Life !!

So my time at Stanmore was coming to an end. Nearly seven months as home, it had now become my prison ! After a year of hospitalization, institution food, regulated daily regimes and not having had to think for myself. A daunting thought of re-entering society as a disabled being ready to face my new challenges. I was excited, but very apprehensive of my own reaction to fitting back in. The depressing corridors, small single room, endless hours of boredom, the smells, the constant care, the reassurance of "on hand" help if I needed it........... I was gutted, I was fearful, I was excited ! A mixture of emotions not really able to explain, but realizing deep down that the confidence I once had in life, was no longer there. My road to recovery had so far been pretty good, but it was time to take that further step forward in order to build further steps in going forward with building more independence within myself. My discharge date was set for 28th August. This was it !! My bubble of security to be whipped away in order for me to move on. My care package now in place and with two days prior to release, I meet my two carers who are summoned to C Block for training prior to being transported home to my sterile home, so great fully acquired through the Aspire Charity. My good byes, my independence thrown at me, and finally the transport arrives to take me home !!! A feeling of utter insecurity, a feeling of " what if, what now " etc etc, and a feeling of total vulnerability as the door to my apartment closes as the settling in team leave !!! So here I am, with two vertual strangers in my face, 24/7, in my adapted apartment, out and to get on with it. Having precious little self esteem, confidence or faith in the community system, it was literally " do, or die ". I quickly adapted to the system, and decided to fight ! Not only for my independence, but for the life I had before ! That was and isn't to be. I am still the person that I was before, but with more challenges as before !! Tomorrow marks my two year anniversary of this debilitating condition or journey that has been handed down to me. I will conquer, and I will fight it until the end. I firmly believed that after two years I would be up and running again ! Sadly, that's not to be at the moment. I have embraced my situation, will work with it as long as it takes and most importantly, make a difference to others who find themselves in the same, if not worse position. I'm not regretful, sad, or envious of those able bodied people that are able to J-walk, hop cabs, climb steps etc etc etc, but rather, thankful that I, at least had 50 odd years of being able to walk !! I am positive, embracing, and willing to face this head on, with no great expectations ! I have beaten the demons, accepted where I am and thank you all for the amazing encouragement !! All so greatfully accepted in my Long Walk to Freedom. Sent to you all with love, and ongoing good health wishes !!! G.

Getting to Stanmore - AKA - Alcatraz !!! - Parts of journey not shared before !

My discharge from the RLH was now imminent ! My trachie now removed, vocal cords working again, breathing on my own, and after months of ICU and high care, I am destined for rehab !!! Still basically a mop, but flickers of hope showing in my right arm and hand. PROBLEM ONE, my cell is not available at Alcatraz for another two weeks ! A decision is made to transfer me to a head injury rehab Center in Lewisham, which has two beds dedicated to spinal injury. A pleasant enough facility if you are brain injured, but singularly the most depressing place if you have your wits about you ! As I had contracted the MRSA virus, I was again given a private room. My days were spent on the third floor facility overlooking a dismal river and a small park, surrounded by non-communitive people all watching the same TV program day after day ! Sad, dark, and very depressing. I would ask daily at the front desk if they had contacted Stanmore to see if my cell was ready !! Always to be told that as soon as they heard I would be transferred. It was here that I met a woman who had a profound influence on my attitude towards my injury. She was a nurse assigned to me by the name of Molly. I asked her one evening " how long, and why she was working in a ward like this ", and she simply answered..... " I have been here for 30 years, and I look at every patient and say to myself, this could be ME ! " of Jamaican decent, she used to hum to me whilst prepping me for the night. No masks, no gown or apron, no gloves etc etc, she treated me as a person rather than a being in a vegetative state ! She would always close my door for the night saying " never give up ", words that to this day inspire me to continue with my quest to rid myself of this chair !! Coupled with the fact that the consultant I had been handed over to - who was particularly interested in my " unusual " presentation !!! Being the Guinea pig for teaching specialists with various trials that needed doing was no fun. After a week of prodding, pushing, Asia testing etc etc, I refused his request of using me as a " specimen ". He was not pleased with me, but wanted to keep me there in what I believe, was for him to further his career by writing papers for the medical journals !! I got to dislike him intensely, made it quite clear and hounded the front desk about my placement in Stanmore. To this day, I believe that had I not pushed so hard, he would have tried to keep me there as one of his self indulgent case studies. Lis', Jen, and Nic and Graaaamie, trudged out there to see me, and all agreed - get outa there as soon as possible !! it's depressing !!! Having tried to spend time in the " social " room and finding it way to depressing, with a nurse in each corner keeping an eye out on all the patients, I found solice in rather retreating to my room, closing the door and pondering my fate for the future ! Was THIS going to be how life was going to be forever ? Banished to some institution, hidden away from society, locked behind electric doors which could only be deactivated once a nurse had been assigned to you if you wanted to go off the ward. I DON'T THINK SO !!!! Mentioning visiting, I am forever grateful to Jen, Nic, Graam, and Peter for their constant following of my journey. Through thick and thin they made their way to see me. Even in the most dire of circumstances, they made it to my bedside, offering all the encouragement possible. Never failing to generate positive energy in going forward, even though we knew how dismal things were !! Jen with her packets of chokkies and biscuits, Nic with Holy water, and peter with fruit etc etc. Behind the smiles, jokes and encouragement, we all knew how dismal my situation was. The few hours a week we spent together was what kept me going. It was here on the third floor, locked away, with constant moaning and groaning filtering into my private room from the other patients that I thought very strongly about suicide. I mean, what was my life worth to me ? Little movement, banished to a chair, locked away......... The problem was, HOW !!! I could hardly ask the nurses to overdose me !! And all meds were under lock and key. Dished out at regimented times, watched while swallowed and signed off by the administering nurse. That period of my journey, just short of three weeks was possibly the darkest phase of the ride. having, for once, pretty good internet connection, I researched all the euthanasia clinics, and quickly came to the conclusion that it was not as easy as making a reservation, arriving and having a last meal - bidding your loved ones goodbye and then swallowing a heap of barbiturates and dropping off to the land of nod forever ! NO, God was not that easy to leap frog ! There are all sorts of moral, ethical and religious grounds to be hurdled and then the courts to contend with which could take up to two years to decide. And my condition was not life threatening or unbearably painful !!! I was very much an unlikely candidate to be considered, which only depressed me more. It was then that I started and to this day still do, my weekly update with the medical fraternity : do not resuscitate, no life support machines etc etc in the event of a reoccurrence. THEN, came the day !!!......... My bed became available at Stanmore ! Molly, came in to inform me of my transfer ! We cried together, and then she asked if we could pray together. I agreed and still to this day have no idea of what we said, but Molly was gutted ! I was extatic to being moved to my final rehab place, but shattered to be leaving one of the most beautiful souls that I had met ! Molly if you follow my blog - always remember how instrumental you were in maintaining my sanity in Frank Cooksley Rehab. Xx was sad to leave Molly behind but OH SO pleased to be leaving the third floor facility for good. So the two and a half hour ambulance ride to Alcatraz goes fine ! I arrive at what seems like a squatter camp ! A mish mash of buildings spread over an estate much like a movie set made for a concentration camp !! I am transported inside to a private, isolated ward because of my MRSA status. I have a door out to the garden and the inner ward is top class, the nurses unbelievable, and the attention to patient requirements admirable !! Even with the everlasting mixture of urine and bleach smells, I was in " heaven " ! I had access to a garden with trees, flowers and sunshine. The spinal unit was a recently upgraded section to the hospital with direct access to the gym and the Aspire Charity section with coffee shop, leisure Center, pool and sports facility. The GB Rugby team ( para's ) used the gymnasium to practice, which was a good outlet to watch. Although all patients on a frantic schedule of Physio, OT, meetings, lectures, life skills etc etc there was a sense of freedom. Continual encouragement by staff to interact with others, explore the surrounds, go to the coffee shop etc etc, all the while installing a form of independence into the subconscious. The first week in Stanmore was filled with tests, examinations, meetings with psychologists, case managers and the meeting of one's mentor for the duration of one's stay. This mentor would become your arms, legs, bowels, bladder, and education officer on living life with SCI. It was during this week that I met my assigned consultant. A Scottish lady, probably mid forties, abrupt and to the point bedside manner ( or so I thought ), initially I thought she was a bit dismissive. This was Angela Gall. Who I grew so fond of and realised very quickly how wrong I had initially been in my judgement of her. My assessment meeting with Angela was an hour long one on one, once all test results were back and I had had all my mri's, X-Ray's and every organ scanned. This meeting was harsh ! I wheel myself into her modest office and " no holes barred " I get the run down of my injury ! In simple everyday language she explains everything to me. Offering no promises other than her and the team getting me to stand. Walking, no promises and in actual fact pretty little chance if at all. My presentation is " unusual " and I will be treated on an " as we go, let's see what happens " basis. Again, I'm a prime candidate for " trials " as I am an " unusual " case !! I soon nipped all the requests in the bud by refusing any further procedures that may or may not help medicine in years to come. Selfish, some may judge, but my primary goal now was to concentrate on my own healing process, both physically and emotionally. Angela predicted a 8 - 10 week rehab program which landed up being just short of seven months !!! Yes, Stanmore, which soon became Alcatraz was to be my home for that part of the journey. I have blogged good and bad about Alcatraz in previous blogs, but I am eternally greatful for the opportunity allowed !! Shortly after my arrival, I was retested for MRSA, cleared, and moved into a four bed bay. An experience never want to go through again. No privacy, no sleep, everyone being turned at different times, lights on, lights off.............. Never a quiet moment - how I missed the loneliness of a private ward. I expressed my feelings to the sister who said she would see what she could do. In accordance with NHS protocol, although I had been cleared of MRSA, one needs to be tested three times - Whoops, the next test showed positive and I needed isolating again !! The only room available was in a wing adjacent to the spinal ward called the AMU. I spent the further six months on this ward and request to go back onto this ward when I return for my top up intensive therapies. As mentioned in the past, the staff became my family and a good few friends for life were made here. So.... On the AMU ward my mentor Chrissy was assigned to me. As written above their duty is to educate you through your rehab. Not for wanting to over share, but for wanting of your understanding of their role, this person becomes responsible for your daily care and preparing you for life on the outside. All and I mean ALL dignity flys out the window !! Manual evacuation of the bowels means lying on your side, having suppositories popped up and then manual stimulation to induce bowel movement. No simpler way to put it !! Then, bladder management - first, they try the intermittent catheter route, which involves inserting a 16 inch pipe through the urethral path, via the prostate into the bladder, and Woolla the wee is emptied into a bag ! Try this five times a day !!!! Not fun !. It was agreed all round, that because I didn't have the use of my left hand, a bionic penis was my next option - suprapubic catheter, which to this day I have. A direct pipe from the bladder exiting just below the belly button and flows directly into a disposable sterile bag. A real passion killer :-) :-). The adaptability of the mind and body is amazing ! Having left Royal London weighing in at 49kgs, dropping to around 45 at Lewisham, and arriving skeletal at Alcatraz, meant dietician input and various diet measures put in place ! First high fibre, then low fibre, then full fat, then low fat...... The list goes on ! But I got so comfortable there that within no time, Luc' the Philopino kitchen lady simply decided my daily food intake ! She fed me apple crumble and double custard three times a day - I gained weight in no time, and now have to diet to keep weight off !!! ME, who had a 29" waist prior to my injury !!! Absurd !! So my time at Alcatraz was coming to an end. On Angela's good advice, she felt I was becoming institutionalised, my therapy on the level, and it was time to start prepping me to face the big wide world again, with a readmission months up the line. I cannot explain the fear of having my bubble taken away from me, nor the sheer lack of confidence in myself to face the world again. Me, who nothing daunted, was scared to show face and grab the world like in my past life !!!! i don't think anyone can comprehend unless in a similar circumstance what it's like to re-enter society in a wheelchair where everyone looks down at you ! And I am talking literally ! Just to be at eye level again !!!! But, as I said before, this is not a sympathy blog, rather a reality blog ! I am so thankful for what I have now, and am able to be thankful for what I had in the past ! I thank you all for reading my blog, for commenting on it, for the encouragement, and above all for humouring me with attacking the demons leading up to my two year anniversary !,, My next one, will highlight the prep for release, the outside world and the ability to make a change to this beautiful place called " our world ". As always, sent with love, and ongoing good health wishes !! G.

The Inner self of truth - Second anniversary !!!

When my friend, Lise' and I set up my blog I was determined that it would not be a sympathy request, but rather an insight as to the positive side of rebuilding a life after SCI. I, with all my intentions, have hopefully relayed that message throughout my journey !! All of your support has been absorbed with gratitude and an amazing amount of influence with regards to the ongoing quest to find my legs again......... Gearing up to my second anniversary of my injury, where my life changed " forever ", for the now, has changed my perception on all things in life ! Firstly, that none of us are immune to life changing events and secondly, live in the now and love in the now ! At any given moment life can take it all away - never regret ! And never forget to appreciate what we have. I clearly remember the 7th of November 2013, and a day which I will never forget either. I woke up as usual, with a normal days work ahead ! Jumped outa bed, SSS, and left for what I believed would be - just another day. How wrong I was. With a break in assignment lots for work, I popped into the office. It was there that the onset of this journey began. With no adverse symptoms, no indication of anything un-toward, something went horribly wrong !!! Suddenly, my boss, my colleague and my friend, Jo, was holding me up against the wall - my life was being taken away from me..... My body caving in on me, distant sirens, Sebastion the bulldog at the office exerting his Alfa male assertiveness , Eilene running up and down the road trying to direct the pre ambulance medics to the office - all the while, Jo, holding me up with constant words of encouragement !! " don't leave us "..... There's too much to do, and probably the words which will ring in my years to come " you have not told the people you love, that you love them "...... Thank you Jo, forever grateful ? His calm, yet assertive approach admirable and indicative of the control needed in a serious situation ! Fully conscious of what was going on around me, unyet not able to control bodily function ! Scary stuff ! Loaded into an ambulance, sirens blaring and off to A & E at the Royal London Hospital. Thankfully less than a 20 minute journey. Arriving to a team of medical specialists who had been radioed ahead. Still conscious of my surroundings and faculties, I was treated as a stroke patient and put onto the relevant pathway. Having been privy to records in hindsight, and I'm no doctor, perhaps more investigation into my injury was needed - my opinion ! Waking up to pod of specialists around my bed all " arguing " as to weather or not I was a stroke patient or a spinal patient ? I recall so clearly the sheer fear of not being able to move any part of my body, not being able to talk as I had been intubated, and the slow but life giving sheeeeew of the life support machines keeping my completely paralysed body alive. Still to this day, I believe that medicine and its related technology can be a cruel twist of fate. I no longer believe in the Hypocratic Oath, and strongly believe in allowing ones demise rather than having to psychologically deal with an injury that renders you completely dependent on others to care for you !! Having said that, I cannot fault the unbelievable treatment bestowed upon me by the NHS. I was given 48 hours to live. I made it !, then another 48 hours reprieve ! And, shit !!! I made it !! My kin folk having been mobilised from another continent expecting to be arranging a funeral, but in between vague hazes of consciousness and the ever sounding life support machines my body refused to give in. For another blog experience, I still believe that I died three times, but again, technology over-ruled !!! So, as a " mop " here I lie in a too sterile environment with a spinal consultant admitting that I should not have been put on the stroke pathway and given blood thinning agents !! This has caused the paralysis and caused the blood to exit the spinal column in various places ! Oh great ! I remember thinking - easy for them to say now ! Whilst I lie completely lifeless but for a moving head !! My mind completely whole, and understanding. Five months might not seem like a long period, but try it on a hospital bed, being turned every 3 hours, constant florecent lights and a nurse at your side 24/7, with no body function, and someone literally telling you when to breath, wee or poo !!! The thoughts of long term not even an option at this point. No control of anything below the head, and NO answers from the specialists ! An in humane way of dealing with those left on the "other " side. My parents had flown half way around the world to find a " corpse " with no input as to where I would eventually land up ! A huge gap in the system is a market to explain the why's, if's and eventually of the patient !! Just a simple explanation of what might lie ahead would do leaps and bounds for those on the " other " side of SCI. Nobody tells you about bowel and bladder control. Nobody tells you about skin maintenance ( our biggest organ, so undeniably the cause of pressure sores ) etc etc etc. I spent 5 months in the RLH, readying myself medically for my transfer to the Spinal Rehab unit at Stanmore. A huge leap in the right direction, and a privilege I will never forget ! That was to be my " home " for the next six months. Initially, one is given about eight weeks, but my presentation required further investigating, and I landed up being there much longer ! I bonded with the nurses,and was assigned my " mentor " Chrissy, a ditsy multi coloured hairdo who shadowed me full time, thought me the ins and outs of SCI, and became a friend for life. Adam, Kerry and many more of the nurses and sisters became my "family ". The OT's and Physio's my salvation, and the wonderful consultant, Angela, who would promise me nothing more than standing !! We have an unbelievable bond whereby I have challenged her with her expertise and told her I WILL walk again !! Again, I reiterate, that this is not a sympathy blog, but rather a realisation post of the challenges faced by SCI people, and the mere facts of daily living with an injury like this. To clarify, I am a C1, Incomplete injury, which in essence should mean that I am just a head with no usage of arms or legs ! A mop, lying in a bed, being fed by someone else etc etc - destined for a care home where one is put in front of a TV for the days entertainment !! My worst nightmare - and at " mop " stage had already made up my mind that was not gonna happen ! Life is not easy, but then, life is a lot harder for a lot of people ! It is too easy to wrap ourselves up in the "Woe is me" blanket ! Let's get out there and embrace what we can do rather than what we could do ! All changes and challenges are for a reason ! We can question, but the answers might be right in front of us without seeing them ! Look hard, question not and believe,trust and don't judge !! From the cripples chair, I send this with love, and ongoing good health wishes !! G.

The Truth, The Honesty !! The Reality !!!!

Coming soon !! My 2 year anniversary ! My emotions ! And the mistakes made !?!?. We have to live on !! The truth to come. Regards G.

How to Work the System - it's an ongoing " Learning Process " !

My week has really ended well. Firstly, yesterday I received a call from the Back Up Trust to confirm that all boxes had been " ticked " by the relevant " powers that be ", and I have been officially accepted to go skiing in Sweden in January. For the first time since my injury, I will be subjecting myself to an experience whereby I will be engaging 100% of my time to be with disabled people on a one to one basis ! Something that in the past, I had always tried to avoid. Not wanting to acknowledge, believe, accept....... Call it what you like, but here I am going away for a week with complete strangers who are in similar conditions as I find myself in - for the moment !!! The confirmation in itself, has left me excited, privileged and more accepting of what can be achieved against all odds ! It's an amazing program set up by an Olympic skier who had a SCI, and built a resort in Sweden to accommodate disabled people only ! The project is admirable, to say the least ! A fully adapted aeroplane, to get you there, complete with personal carer, in house physios, adapted resort throughout etc etc etc......... I so forsee a " Mr Bean " kinda scenario of us cripples being put into bath tub sort of mobiles and pushed down the slopes !!! Will make for a good You Tube video called " Bladder, Bowels and Black runs " !!! Secondly, the amazing win SA had against Wales today. Go Bokke !!!. Have now got my carers very interested in the game of rugby. Rameez, my Pakistan, Muslim weekender, arriving with the weekend fixture and daily regime revolving around what time the games are on. The polish fill in also joining in, with no clue as to what's going on, but shouts and screams when we do !!!. Talking about the Jeeves, just when all seemed to be in place, and running smoothly, we had a wee incident last week which could have catastrophic effects on my long term endeavour to keep all four of the chain working !! After a particularly long day out, having pushed the Italian to the limits, and returning home to the primary Jeeves - an argument broke out about a coffee cup having been left on the drying rack that had not been put away !! Yes.... I kid you not !! I swear, the hardest thing I have found with this condition has been trying to manage and keep carers happy !. So, this pathetic squabble starts, and I feel my BP rising, and I lose total control !! I very, very seldom lose my temper, but enough is now enough !! I vent my frustrations, scream and shout and tell all concerned that I am sick to death of their " childish, school girl " behaviour !!! Everyone storms off in a huff - numerous emails to the agency etc etc, and within earshot of all of them I call up my co-ordinater at the agency, and tell her to please go ahead and source new carers all round ! So...... The links in the chain could start being replaced ..... Will keep you posted. So...... The foghorn hooter cum speaker is charged again and the Italian and I set off for the mall. Doing a " run through " at Tesco's, we come across a guy pushing his kid in a trolley with his pants WAY below his bum. Indicative of today's fashion trends. Only, he is probably my age, has the fattest Arse in town, and looks totally ridiculous ! I tell him so, over the lod hailer - the Italian runs away !! Then we stumble across a man " talking " to the scented candles !! Yes ! - so I decide to answer him from behind the cover of the stand !! - what a joke !! Will keep you updated ! With love !! G. Xxx

Gotta just lov' em !!

So here I am again, talking and sharing MY experiences again ! Well, I suppose that's what blogging is all about !! However, I do feel somewhat ' self indulgent ', but here's the next one anyway !! Was woken up by Karol ( fill in live in Jeeves ) this morning, for the normal start to the day. A tedious regime of not again wanting to bore you with the details !! This Jeeve could perhaps be the next long term, forth link to our ongoing saga of completing the chain of care ? Who knows, time will tell. He is a slight guy, Polish, very plesant, slow, but could be trained up to the standards required by my selfish self. He, himself was involved in a chainsaw accident four years ago, and lost three fingers on his left hand. Initially daunting, but I have come to realise that his ability to overcome his adversity is admirable !!! There is nothing he cannot do, and his attitude is remarkable - a good lesson learned, and to see him chopping onions for diner prep etc etc is encouraging !! So at this stage it's not ' the blind lading the blind ' it's the ' cripple leading the challenged ' So, today started with the dentist. The NHS agreed that given my 5 months of mouth cleaning with iodine based liquid, my stained, corroding gnashers needed some attention ! I had a home visit from the dental care specialists, then called into the surgery for a further assessment ! Then today, another assessment by the dentist who is going to put into place the program of fixing the problems !!! Totally, unsuspecting of my humour, acceptance and refusal to accept things, I wheel myself into the small but adequate cubicle where I am to be ' programmed 'for my ' Tom Jones ' smile !!!! My susceptibility to AD, being in a chair, amount of prescribed drugs etc etc all proving a problem...... He wants to talk to my Consultant at Alcatraz first !!! Fair request , from him, agreed....... But he got a bit edgy when I said " anesthetise me, pull the whole lot out for I care, drill new ones into the jaw, porcelain of course, save what you can...... But let's get this shit over and done with asap !! " Do me in the chair, for all I care, but let's get it DONE !!! - he is gobsmacked !!! Cannot understand why I am willing to good order full hog to get it done !! So, bottom line up comes a treatment plan, evolving weeks of visits to the dentil clinic to gradually restore the existing teeth to acceptable standards !! Only after they have consulted with Stanmore. I await the letter for my next summons !! Will keep you all posted !!! There is Jens B-Day lunch, lunch at the shard, the Charity show etc etc etc to fill you all in on, but have to run now..."..""." All coming soon now !!! With love G.

Everything but Nothing ! It's our Choice !!!!

It has been a month since my last posting, forgive the lapse, and a lot has happened...... Some good, and some not so good ! But in the ever evolving scheme of life, it's our choice to attack our hurdles with what we want the outcome to be. Some more daunting than others, but at the end of the day it's " give in " or " get on " with it !! I chose the latter. Just when the circle of Jeeves was working so well, out of the blue, one of the live ins comes to me and announces he is leaving, he has been taken out of the chain basically with immediate effect - he is leaving the next morning !! I am devastated ! And question why ?? He says he has no idea, but has been removed from the rota and he has to go. I immediately get onto the care company to enquirer as to this sudden change of events !! It turns out, he has been applying for numerous day only jobs through the company in order for him to spend more time with his family in the evenings - this I can fully understand, but after his last withdrawal from the rota I had fought tooth and nail for his -reinstatement on his request, after he had tried this same route but with no joy !! To any of you out there relying on care companies for assisted living arrangements - DON'T allow them to bully you into situations !!! I do believe that my care company is one of the best around, but one needs to be vocal, assertive and not just accepting ! Their handling of the situation was unacceptable ! And I should have been all of the above in dealing with it. They earn money out of the care packages, but by taking on ones own package can be of great advantage !!!! Do look into it, and expose any company that abuses your care ! I have made this patently clear now to my care facility, and will not hesitate to take on the responsibility myself - please do the same !!

Enough bitching !!, I have just spent the last two weeks in Alcatraz again - receiving top up therapy for my ongoing quest to find my legs again. The first week accompanied by Eugene, who got fully involved with the next steps towards gaining more function out of this debilitating position I find myself in. Heavy sessions of Physio, and less taxing sessions with the OT's ! Filming new exercises, chair to bed transfers and EFS muscle training. Our experimental work at home has paid off !!! Muscle flickers to the LEFT HAND SIDE now evident as slowly, slowly, slowly the brain starts to
register tones throughout the body. My balance is a huge problem - still completely reliant on upper body support but have been given a regime to strengthen core muscles etc etc and in time, and with practice, together with a building of confidence I will get there ! Going back always invokes a love / hate emotion for me - arriving at the tumbled down buildings, far from the hustle and bustle of London life, and entering a time frame so fresh in my mind - this was home for me for most part of my injury time !! The 'ol pal nurses, the new ones that still have not ' got ' my sense of humour !, the doctors, Physio's, the OT's, all of which remember me so well for my outspoken ways ! My ' so not proper 'antics in and around the spinal unit as well as the AMU ward to which I was " banished" when it was discovered that I could not be cleared of the MRSA bug ! Caught whilst at the Royal London Hospital - a virus that will remain in my body for life it appears ! With little if any side effects. Apparently a large percentage of the Brit population carry it, as it can be transferred on the tubes, busses etc etc.




The first week in Alcatraz was exhilarating - back to the relentless Physio torture, new and progressive therapy excersises, back onto the sliding board from chair to bed and visa versa - an excersise much like hauling an over weight jelly fish across a plant !!! I now have to concentrate on building muscle tone in my torso to maintain balance whilst sitting upright as well as using my right leg to stand and manoeuvre my bum across the board ! Not a pretty sight, but will conquer the obstacle in time !

The second week was less productive, as my muscles weakened and the results slowed down. It's at times like these that I realise just how long recovery can take. Those all so minor movements taken so for granted in my past flood back and it's pretty damn hard to push out the negative feelings ! The why me ? The arguments with God, the complete uselessness of my situation at the moment !!! Probably for the first time since the onset of my injury, and nearing my two year anniversary, the realisation has hit me - I am CRIPPLE !!!! Unable to do the basic day to day basics without the 24 hr carers that I am so lucky to have. So I spend a few days stewing over my lot, and decide to have a chat with the resident Psychologist !! Over a casual cup of coffee, and very informally we discuss my thoughts and emotions. I am, once again, reminded that the progress I have made in the last two years has been remarkable, my positive attitude towards my " new " life incredible, and to give up now would result in a backward slide of no return !!!
I leave Alcatraz with a renewed zest to continue on this journey with all the gusto I can give it !! I have a brain, I have an arm, and I have the will power to overcome as much as I can !! I will stand out of my chair, I will transfer by slide board and I will regain as much use out of my left hand side !!! I will, I will, I will....... My consultant, the Physio's, the OT's all positive with my slow, but evident progress !, and the fact that this has been my third " call back ", and another due for Feburary ! ............... Actually...... I have to remind myself..... Just how lucky I am !!!

So prior to my Alcatraz stint, I had quite a social two weeks ! Had an appointment with wheelchair services to correct various minor issues - all of which were NOT resolved - an ongoing occurrence that I have become so used to - you get an appointment, you good order, you see the technicians, they fiddle and faff, you leave feeling more uncomfortable that before - Alcatraz has now requested a new cushion for me. I wait in anticipation !!


Evidently, there are NO people to talk to in the outer lying areas, coz the only time she stopped nattering on was to take a sip of wine, it was like a Sony Play station on fast forward !, And I mean fast fast forward !!! After night one, and her uncomfortable night on the sleeper couch, she revealed to us that she was battling to sleep in general. Night two, Eugene came up with the idea that in order to " break " the insomnia pattern, she should take one of my Zoplclone tabs ! A little sceptical , but keen to resolve the problem, she did so !!! - WOW..... Our problem solved !!! Mid sentence, she collapsed onto the sofa and snored like a engine - Eugene became her " new best friend " and for the next few nights he simply stuck a pill down her throat - 3 good nights sleep, and silence, silence, silence........ Gotta love ya Shesh !!! We await her next visit at the end of October - rain hat banished and the boys ready to rag her !!

Also met with a friend, Brian, for lunch - who I had not seen since Pride three years ago. We met at Amisha, an Italian restaurant at the end of Spa road, Bermondsey ! What a laugh ! Good company, good food, chair accommodating !. Reasonably priced, eclectic decor and an open kitchen that allows full view of the food prep ! Well worth a visit and within ease of access from both London Bridge or Bermondsey stations !

Prior to that a " at home " Bunny chow evening with Jen and Tessa - always a hoot !!!

Finally, after various dental clinic appointments, and then an at home consultation with the specialist dental team, I am off to Guys hospital tomorrow to have my teeth done. After months in hospital where the only oral care I was a led, was a swabbing of the mouth with Corsadile solution, together with the pills etc etc, my teeth stained and eroded. It has been decided that the only way to treat me is to put me out and do all the nessesary work !

Well my friends, that's about all the gab I have at the moment ! Back into the main stream again, and promise to blog more regularly now that I am over Alcatraz etc etc. As always, sent with love and ongoing good health wishes ! Always let the shadows be behind you and be thankful for what we have !

Positive, challenges and a good mindset is the key to moving forward - Reverse gear is no longer part of my vocabulary !!!

With love

G.

Finding my LEGS again: It's My Life !!!

Finding my LEGS again: It's My Life !!!: This month marks my one year anniversary of release from Alcatraz !! Yes, one full year ! I so strongly remember the gut wrenching , dauntin...

Finding my LEGS again: It's My Life !!!

Finding my LEGS again: It's My Life !!!: This month marks my one year anniversary of release from Alcatraz !! Yes, one full year ! I so strongly remember the gut wrenching , dauntin...

It's My Life !!!

This month marks my one year anniversary of release from Alcatraz !! Yes, one full year ! I so strongly remember the gut wrenching , daunting feeling of being loaded into the ambulance on discharge from being in a hospital environment for a year - having had the peace of mind that at any given moment, Specialists, doctors, nurses, support workers were at hand to deal with any problems that might had presented with my medical condition ! Now.... Being released back into the big wide world again, a world that prior to my injury was never anything but a big playground ready to be explored and enjoyed !! My cocoon, my safety bubble, my institutionalised situation suddenly ripped from underneath my feet.

I clearly remember my three or four green plastic bags of belongings being loaded up, together with two complete strangers who, as my carers, were now to be in charge of my well being. To live in my space, to be constantly by my side wherever I went or whatever I now did. Wher had my independence gone ? Is this life forever ? The complete fear of "you're on your own now" !. I cannot explain the sense of complete lack of confidence, vulnerability, and sheer panic that I experienced when the " settling in " team said goodbye, and closed my apartment door ! Alone, affraid, and a notebook with various medical numbers to call if I had a problem.

Forever grateful to Jo and Justin and the team from Genesis, who took control of my sterile apartment and moved in a week before my release to " make it homely " for my homecoming !! - setting up Internet, TV, re-vamping the whole apartment with a full kitchen pack........ To reorganizing furniture, adding small personal details in order to eliminate the feeling of an adapted apartment !! Welcome balloons and flowers to boot ! Amazing, amazing, amazing !!


Ohhhh, how things have changed !!....... One year up the line and working the system has become second hand to me. What I have learned, and I firmly believe ones survival instinct kicks in, and the efficiency of the community support structure is amazing. It all depends on the level to which one goes in order to which way you survive in society with the disability handed to one.

Initially, the medical regimes, the transport system, the shopping, the everything of normal day to day living seems insurmountable ! But gradually as you become more " comfortable " with your lot, you become more assertive with it all. Thankfully, I have refused to allow this condition to get the better of me and have been proactive in getting on with life in a chair - albeit for the time being ! My faith and determination in myself, against the doctors advice, will see me walk again..... One day !!!

All the team members at Alcatraz explained the above, but I never took heed. Believing that I would reintegrate back into society as soon as I left. They were right ! I tried so hard to immediately get back to where I was - it DON'T happen !! And as they said, it will take up to two years to settle into a lifestyle again. Gladly, I can say that after one year I am nearing the old life as closely as I can with the disability I have. I am out there, I will conquer, and I will make a difference in some way or another !!!!

So many people suggested writing a book. After much thought and research on books being written about living life with SCI, I decided to follow through with one, but, with a more positive approach to life, as well as a more informative content as to the daily routines, the factual stuff that's not revealed,  together with the humorous side, needed so often otherwise it could get the better of you ! I am not a writer, and was introduced to a lady that is willing to help. For want of anonymity , I will refer to her as JS. Having had a few telephone " interviews " with her, and leaving it all up to my " gut " feeling, I knew she was perfect ! AND, she believed in my story !! There are no guarantee's a publisher will go with it, and it's a process that can take a while. Met with her a few weeks ago for the first " out pouring " of the gist of intentions etc etc, and hopefully a book is born ! She is a well known writer with a number of best sellers, totally unassuming , with an aura of inner peace and total grip on life. I took to her immediately !! Will keep you all posted !!

Probably the hardest part of being out in the real world, is maintaining the constant excersise routine in order to keep muscle tone, and constant carry over from nerve ending growth to mind control. My stalwart carer, Eugene,  is to be complimented on his constant encouragement and " forcing " of this. Together we have been researching further methods with the FES ( electrical stimulation machine ), and have been working a little out of the box. We are now placing pads on the left leg muscles, at full tilt and getting some good results ! Much fun and laughter after my morning shower when draped with towels, looking like some kind of Ceasar character en route to a toga party watching the trains go past ! I often flash at them, whilst he nukes up the voltage to create leg lifting responses !!! Good news though, there is muscle response, although no feeling yet ! That in time will come !

I return to Alcatraz in September for a two week intensive top up therapy process which is encouraging, and as I said in my last blog - fortunate to be called back......

My new mission, " Ramping Up Your Business " is a project I am embarking on - still unable to upload pics onto blog page, but will upload onto FB, involves making every business in London chair accessible. I'm tired of confirming with restaurants, banks etc etc as to how I can gain access etc. starting with the restaurants, and various streets throughout London, I am going to try and get them to donate towards ramps to be strategically placed on a " Help one another " basis so that any chair user can arrive at a restaurant and gain access, by using " buddy " ramps available up and down the street !! - Will keep you posted. As always.... This post is sent with ongoing good health wishes !! G.

The only Disability is a Bad Attitude !!!

Finally, finally, and after months of trying, the fourth link in the Jeeves chain of caring for my wellbeing has been achieved !! After 11 months since being discharged from Alcatraz, and various live in carer trials, we now have a team of four that all get on, work together, and compliment one another in dealing with my ongoing home care needs ! No more ego stroking, no more micro management of ' who does what ' and a new attitude from myself being : fit in or move on. Things around here now run the way ' I ' want them to as apposed to all their trivial testosterone filled , position holding threats that they so want to prove to one another. All is good, all is settled and hopefully will remain that way !

Eugene, the possessive Romanian ( had from discharge date ) has mellowed somewhat - we even get a smile and laugh and the odd joke out of him !. He runs the ship on a tight rope, has only my needs at heart and is a blessing to have. Mario, the Portugese, new live in is also a star - needs constant guidance, but will be fine - again, in time he will be an asset to have as part of the team. Good Ol' Rameez my weekend double up is as always a pleasure, needing no encouragement to break the rules of whatever Alcatraz so firmly instilled in us during rehab !! Then there is my weekday ' fall guy ', Andreas, the mad Italian who is used as the scapegoat for everything from bad weather to broken glasses ! He too is an absolute pleasure to have, to be by my side when out and about 'terrorising'the pavements of London. It has taken me 11 months to realise that it is all about ones attitude that makes or breaks the situation you are presented with in life ! That choosing of the path to take when the road splits ! Left or right, hard or easy,........... It's ones own choice, and my choice is to leave the bad attitude behind and concentrate on a good positive attitude in going forward ! Life is as it is for the NOW - get on an deal with it !!

I'm off to Alcatraz again ! Yes this week I had a call from the prison director ( my consultant ) to say that a " cell " was available for me in September ! Another two weeks of intensive top up therapy. A
huge sence of encouragement for me as this will be my third time back since my release almost a year ago. Some inmates get one call back, some never, and very seldom do inmates even get a second re-call ! I have kind of never allowed myself to cut the ties with the consultant, and  made sure that the Physio' and my GP give her constant feedback as to my condition and the improvements in my recovery process. I too email her on a two weekly basis filling her in on the various changes in my body status. It has got to a stage where I now email her with what I want to do with tweeking drug dosages, adjusting excersize regimes, diet changes etc etc, and I am of the belief that she respects the fact that I am trying to take responsibility of my condition, research all angles and when we speak, I am able to ' argue ' reasons of why ? Or why not ?. Beds in the Spinal unit are HARD to come by, remembering it took 5 months from the onset of my injury for one to become available for me. So I like to believe that given the fact that she continues to offer me top up therapy means she believes that my determination and hard work may just prove medical science can be overcome by sheer belief in re-conditioning the mind !! Thank you Angela Gall for the opportunity !!

It's not without its hardships though !, my morning wake up call starts with half an hours passive Physio excersizes, hoist to shower chair, SSS, then 40 minutes of FES - electrical shock therapy, hoisting back to bed, full body deep muscle massage, dressing, hoisting into wheelchair, and then fitting in an hour of standing, as well as Physio to upper limbs - usually done just before the double up leaves for the day. It was advised by my team at Stanmore to do this 3 times a week - more often if  desired ! I decided, everyday would only increase the chances of a better, and quicker recovery, so from the day of discharge that's been the program. Granted, there have been times due to ill health or visitors or, or, or ...... That it has not happened, but on the whole, I stick with the program !!

Some of you might have seen the short video clips on FB of the Rex Bionic trial I was privileged enough to get onto. An exhilarating, scary experience of robotic walking. An amazingly foreign feeling of being able to walk aided by technology far beyond comprehension , where the ' skeleton ' overrides the mind and its signals, or should I say ' non signals ' amazing, amazing, amazing !!! And a big thank you to Neil, for his recommendation !!!

It is really difficult as a newly injured person to come terms of what ? And what cannot ? Be achieved with things to do in life now ! For example - travel - So I meet with my friend Sarah ( she was an Support, out reach consultant who accidentally called on me right at the beginning of my injury stage ). She was probably the most instrumental person in making my mind up wrt going forward with a positive attitude as apposed to giving in to this life changing " thing " that had happened to me. We became friends ! She herself is in a chair, having had an accident 22 years ago. So we meet up every couple of weeks for diner, a catch up and far too much PG !!

I had always vowed and declared that I would not associate myself with the world of disabled people, but rather surround myself with able bodied people. In hindsight , I have come to realise that, that was a defence mechanism of not wanting to accept my current lot in life and the situation I found myself in ! How wrong I've been ! I am what I am ( for now ), and how selfish could I have been ! Bottom line...... I have a functioning head, with what I believe a good brain, a right arm that works, semi use of my right leg and the rest of the body is trying to re-build itself ! In essence then, I had the gall to believe that I was the same as prior to my injury ! Not so.... For now ! I will rebuild, and I will improve......

Oh, I'm waffling now ! Back to Sarah. So we meet up, and she tells me about a ski resort in Sweden - completely adapted for the disabled ! YES .... Skiing ! As I understand it, set up by an Olympic skier who had a SCI , and run by a Charity called Back Up. She put me in touch with the right people, and I'm off skiing in January ! Never did it when I had legs and now doing it without legs !! Taboganing, snow boarding ( on my but ) etc etc - just going to do it !! Apparently it used to be means tested to get on to, but now it is about raising money to be donated to Back Up to be considered - on it and will hoefully do so ! Any suggestions welcome !!.....

Sometimes a kick up the ass is needed !!!

My mind set numb ! My body tired, my chair seating not right, my paperwork mounting....... Any excuse to find a reason to hibernate !!! Not on, not part of my plan !, not me ! But hey ....... It kinda grabs one without one knowing ! Any excuse to ' not shave ', ' not to worry about ' appearance ' coz you not meeting anyone on that day ! Not me, not on, not to fall into the everyday demonic scenario of getting the morning regime over and done with, to stare out of the window in the hopes of life coming to save you !!! It does not happen !, but it's Easy to believe ! My friend of many years, Jo, pays me a visit ! And with no holes barred gives me the lecture I soooooo need ! His encouragement together with stern realisation that can only be taken from a friend has worked ! This is bull-shit ! This is unacceptable, this is not the attitude I, or he remembers of the past ! What happened to Gavin in the past few weeks ??? The attitude, the zest !, the ' take no shit ' Gavin ?? The person who could sort anything out ? The Gavin with an attitude ' we have a problem .... How are we gonna sort it out ? '.......... Thank you Jo, not only for your valued friendship, but your absolute honesty in NOT allowing me to slide backwards !! It's over ! I move forwards again albeit in a chair for the moment ! So, the mound of paperwork is done n' dustered !, no excuses now, present Jeeves re-briefed into time saving efforts of morning regime ! Change overs to have the same ! Wake up time re-scheduled to 6:30 as before, and this 'attitude dude ' is back !! Three weeks since my last blog, which has seen me re-hospitalised with a so called lung infection - no coughing, no pain, just a little hard of breathing ! God knows, one sees all the politicians venting their fury about people taking up hospital beds, but try discharging yourself in order to free up a bed ! A fucking nightmare and an ordeal second to none ! I asked my doctor if any of the nursing staff of the ward had any experience of SCI patients - answer NO, I asked for a transfer to the Neuro ward - no beds available, I asked for a SCI mattress given my condition ! - Why was I different was the reply !!! Pressure sores are an issue for me - blank stare ! Then I asked the good doctor if anyone on the ward was compitent with my autonomic dystroflexia - which could happen at anytime....... Blank ! St ThomasHospital, if you insist on admitting patients, please read their case notes....apparently all on line and easily accessible !! The good doctor was more interested in pontificating with his English grammar to his student than looking into the patients needs ! To this day, I don't believe he even knew I was a tetraplegic patient with special requirements, let alone a carrier of MRSA, a virus that the hospitals are so anal about!!! Yet I was put into a ward with what I believe were patients susceptible to the virus - together with flem coughing, sneezing and hissing patients ! More bugs inside than out ! I DEMANDED my discharge, having laid in the same position for over 12 hours with not one nurse appealing to any one need of my condition - they in their defence knew nothing about it ! I was finally discharged at 1:30 am, with home care assistance and better care from my live in carers ! One wonders why the NHS employs these doctors from other parts of the world who clearly battle with stringing an English sentence together !! Ok, so I'm over that now, finished with all the anti-biotics etc etc and back on the streets terrorising all the people again ! I have a skiing trip booked and a sky-diving appointment booked ..... Will tell you all about it in my next blog.... Sent with love and ongoing good health wishes !!! G. Xxxx

The Darker Shades pale !!!

Hello all, thanks for reading and replying to my recent blog. All encouragement is greatly appreciated ! And, I welcome all Imput with regards to helping me find my legs again ! Touching, just super-facially on my emotional roller coaster ride of the past ( nearly ) two years of my journey, has been liberating and cleansing for the soul ! This IS a long ride, and this ' Chevy ' ain't gonna give up !!!! The wonderful words of encouragement fuel my desire to continue to prove all odds against the powers that be at Alcatraz that, medically, it is not sure that I will walk again ! I don't, and will not accept this, and strive to prove science wrong ! Am very instrumental in moving forward with down right approaches to furthering my mobility with whatever and whoever presents themselves in my path to recovery - it might be minor changes, or slightly more effective changes ! Who knows ? But my path to freedom still remains focussed on getting out of this chair !! Permanently !! A book, progressions in my recovery, a campaigne to make every business wheelchair friendly via portable ramps etc etc, as well as making transport for London fully aware of mobility issues remains my primary concern ! And........... I now have NO compunction of pulling the ' emergency ' button on the trains and tubes !! We all have a say, and we need to vent and be heard !! The ' Standard ' It's a listed building, so we cannot build a ramp, is a load of shit !!! What about portable ramps ??? Never an acceptable answer - so...... Good people, let's make this law !!! It's funny, most of you will agree with me, then move onto the next post ( totally understand ), unyet if you were unexpectedly thrown into this scenario ? Would you fight for the same ? You CAN stand, so do so in the eyes of " moving forward " Enough bitching now !!! Greatly been accepted onto an exo-skeleton trial, ith huge thanks to the two people that subtly pulled it together ! Will not let them down, and am sure that I will prove to be an excellent candidate for futuristic " walking" !! Posted with love and ongoing goo health wishes !! G.

Finding my LEGS again: Darker shades of Pale !

Finding my LEGS again: Darker shades of Pale !: This is as real as it is ever gonna get.i have been asked, What really happened, What really did you feel, what really did you expect..........

Darker shades of Pale !

This is as real as it is ever gonna get.i have been asked, What really happened, What really did you feel, what really did you expect........... The ' What Real's ' are questions that I, myself have probably blocked out of my conscious mind in order to avert the truth of ' What really ' lies ahead for me in trying to find my legs again !! This is a long read ! ...... But worth it to understand !,,.... So, the day started out as any other normal one, feeling as great as all the other previous days, no symptoms of the trivialities of flu, head colds, headaches etc etc etc. Crossing the Thames as usual on the early ferry, and walking the 10 minute walk to the office, thanking the powers above for the privelage of being able to experience the life I was so enjoying !!! I have always been a positive person, always been someone to try and find the goodness in anything or anyone that presented as a dismal scenario. From the beggar to the abandoned dog, life was precious, and I believe that anyone of us could be at the top of the game, or land up at the bottom of the game. Try not to critisee, judge or be judgemental about another's misfortune. When challenged about my own emotional ride on this journey of mine, and challenged about the lack of honesty about the outcome of my injury, and then accuse of hiding behind the ' so ' called inspirational effect I seem to be having with the projecting of my ' Positive ' approach to my seemingly in-obtuse outcome of my spinal cord injury ! I have thought long, and very hard on this, and as hard as it has been still maintain that my approach has been the best way to move forward - I refuse to judge myself on this, BUT, have, as requested decided to share the darker parts of the journey that nobody would understand unless having experienced them, themselves. So.... Let the truth be known..... The distant fuzz of ambulance sirens, sharp needle pricks quite apparent, and vague voices explaining that you are en-route to hospital. The constant plea to ' stay with us ' The uncontrolled phases of slipping in and out of consciousness ! All the time believing that this is ' not ' happening to you ! On arrival at the A & E, given priority over everyone else, gave me some vague realisation that this was perhaps, serious ! Suddenly alert, answering questions being asked by doctors, then vague moments of oblivion, awake periods, more needles and then nothing, more nothing and more nothing !!! According to my charted reports, MIR's, scans, and X-Rays etc etc were performed - life's imbalance placed in the hand of the medical fraternity ! I, in the mean time in complete La La land induced by the wonders of modern day medical technology. Given 48 Hrs to live - induced coma to comfort me, and reduce the pressure of the brain ! Family mobilised from the other end of the world, in antissiptation of organising a funeral, BUT NO !, I make the 48 Hr death line ! Another boundary given of another 48hours! given......... And I make it ! In hindsight, I still question why ? It would have been better to die ! It's time to bring me out of the coma now ! I wake up, semi-comatised, recognising voices around me, more pipes invading by body than a band of Scottish Highlanders - and the only organs in my body that are able to move are my eyes ! Scary, frightening, terrifying, ...... No words can explain !!! How ?, How ?, was I going to die ? Would my friends help me? Would my family understand ? Could I do it ?........ I wanted to die! More than anything in the world,I WANTED To DIE !!!! Fluctuating between ' drug fucked ' hazes of reality and utopia, whilst the medical consultants argued between themselves as to weather I was a stroke / spinal injury patient, I lay there looking at the ceiling - unable to move ! To this day, I can hear the consultants arguing around my bed also what to do with me. One admitting that the blood thinners should NEVER have been administered, and the other, a hard Spanish consultant trying to prove why I should be admitted to her ward for neuro ' tests ' I cannot remember her name, and if I did, I would publish it in full knowledge of risk of prosecution ! Manipulative, case seeking, bitch ! The Spinal consultant on the other hand seemed to have some empathy ! Seemed more real, and admitted to3 people afterwards that the thinning agents should never have been given to me. His name, for obvious reasons I cannot publish ! Five months as a mop, and then a further seven months of spinal rehab, has tested my faith in humanity, lead me to some very dark corners of my mind - research into euthanasia clinics, thoughts of suicide etcetera BUT, I have a second chance ! A chance, not chosen, but given ! If I can make one difference to one life then I would have fill filled one objective ! I refuse to give up, I refuse to stop trying, and I refuse to allow my disability to stand in my way !! And above all, I REFUSE to lose my positive attitude !Life is beautiful - it won an Oscar !! Love ya all......" Oghw ( ongoing good health wishes ) G.

My emotional Trip

To follow !! G

Blog not complete yet ! But just keeping you in the loop !!!

So........ My bird watching days are OVER !! P & P finally gave in to the wid element and abandoned nest !! Forget the niceties of wild life in London. If you want it, go to the zoo..... I'm done with it ! Apologies for the half completed layout of my blog, but having spent many hours into the early hours of the morning, I am slowly getting it right - still not mastered the " paragraph ", " dimension " things along with being able to import pics etc etc etc..... I will get there ! It's been a rather interesting past two weeks of yet again stroking ego's, interviewing prospective replacement carers and dealing with the bullshit that these people seem to aspire to. I managed to replace the one live in that I was not happy with - after an hours consultation as to my gripes about him, he suggested that I had no empathy towards him, and that I did not understand the responsibility the carer had ! And when I explained to him that his role was to ensure that my life was run for me by the carers, ie pills, positioning, pressure relief, excersises etc, he said that I was too much work !! PLEASE ! If I could earn their money and sleep for 16 hours a day, I would be very greatful......... So, out the door he went and our new link is a Portugese guy, very polite, seems to know his stuff, and seems to get on with the team ! HELL NO !!! Just as I think all is dandy, Princess Eugene starts moping around with one syllabil answers ! His lip dragging along like a stretched pork sausage on its way to the synagogue !! I give up ! I ask him what's wrong and get a simple " nothing " in response. His shift ended today and he left without saying goodbye !!! So, I am going to throw caution to the wind, take one heck of a chance, and have contacted my HEalth care manager and do it myself ! Risky, but my gut says Do It. I don't think most people can understand just how invasive it is to have two people, basically hovering around to do the most menial thing such as write a telephone number down ! It's exhausting and frustrating ! But enough bitching now...... I have to look at it as " fortunate ". The 12 volt battery arrives........ Yeeeehhhhiiiiiii, you are probably gonna see me being chased around the streets of London by the coppa's !. We charge it up, speaker discretely placed under my seat, pointing forward and off Rameez and I set to terrorise any padestrean on their phone, texting or looking at maps. Gotta give my Meezie credit here, he is open to breaking the rules, game for pushing the buzzer so some clump of tourist " shit their cakes " as he puts it ! I am liberated, far far to eager to instruct a " push now " command, and he is equally as keen to do it without command !!! On route to Kingston, at Waterloo station, we are trying to find a staff member to release a ramp so I can get onto the train. Not a sole in sight and 3 minutes to departure ! No problem ! Meezie announces on the hailer " ASSiSTANCE NEEDED ! nOW ""...... Within seconds staff come running ! Then the slow boat to China tourists get a " buzz " honk to seperate them - we sail through !! We go to B & Q on Sunday and create havoc by beeping, and buzzing our way through ! They even opened a reserved till for us - sure that they just wanted us out. Funny thing is, they cannot see anything and all look a little confused as to where the noise is coming from !!! Love it, love it, love it, but somehow I think it might get us into a little trouble !! It was this time last year that I was due to be released by Alcatraz. The powers that be extended my stay by another 3 months. So, in essence I have been on the outside going int my 10th month. It has been a long hard battle to maintain a positive attitude and continue with the maintenance program for my recovery. The consultant is happy with my progress, but in all honesty, living with this condition requires constant reminding that the excersises, standing, muscle toning, EFS etc etc is really starting to get to me !! The improvements are remarkable, albeit slow, but steady ! To those followers that I have been in touch with, KEEP going !! The mind can get us through ! Especially to you Chris, who stood for the first time in years ! Well done, and keep it up ! Don't faulted, and DONT give in to the easy route !!! As always, be well and thankful to life's lot - Everything is for a reason. Love ya all. G

Peter & Paul's plan comes together...........

Finally the Greek wind God's have decided to move slightly west of our area and as the Maple branches settle into a gentle sway, I am able to see the results of P & P's ongoing efforts, against the elements, to create a home ! Slightly more colourful than the other nests, and just a tad away from the rest of the nesting colony, and nestled right up against the wall of my balcony, these two have created a home, boasting privacy, a sunken conversation pit, with a brooding ledge all the other Finches must be jealous of. Their puffed out feather chests indicative of pure persistence and determination to beat the weather Gods. It occurs to me that Peter is missing for the whole of Wednesday, and on his return late in the evening, AND, if I am understanding Finch language, he has spent the day transgressing the city picking up creative interior tips from the Fulham road and Shorditch area. Both of which are home to interior design shops nestled amoungst boutique clothing stores and antique dealers ! It now becomes apparent that Peter studied at the " The Finches School For Interior Design ", a rather posh ornathelogical school situated in the Hampstead Park area where all classes take place in the Birch section of the park overseen by a rather flamboyant Male Finch named Fredrico ! Of Spanish decent, slight gum disease and resides in a Conifer in Joanna Lumleys garden. He battles the turbulence on a daily basis from Stockwell to Hampstead to lecture on the relevance of nesting protocol and raising chicks in an " out of the ordinary nest " P & P spend the rest of the evening debating colour swatches, laying procedures, music for new hatches, dietary needs, health and safety procedures and decide on duck egg blue walls with yellow dado rails to confuse the hatchlings about their size, power and ability to sustain a lifestyle of survival amoungst the fittest in the Finch world of London. Totally intrigued with where the off-spring are going to materialise from, I wheel myself around the corner to the arches, only to find the Finches Sperm Donating Clinic. There......... Set high up in the arch is a small landing perch, with a sign above called " Squirt & Hatch " A rather stern looking female finch handing out bird porn, controls the landing and leaving process ! Quite simple in human terms !, Paul lands, grabs his " Finch Playboy " mag and bottle, assigned to a cubical, seconds later he reappears, hands the bottle to " Sister Stern " who promptly flutters over to the twenty odd female Finches all nesting on make shift nests , pumping out eggs for the Finch community in Southwark who are battling to have " kids ". An amazing sight, these surrogate mothers busying themselves with knitting, painting their nails, reading Vanity Fair, chatting to one another and arguing amoungst themselves about the number of eggs they had produced etc etc etc - poor girls were the ones that were left on the shelf of Finch world !! I await the arrival of the Finch Stalk with eggs to be hatched ! - will keep you posted ! Where did all of that come from????? I, myself am coming along just fine ! Still under the watchful eye of Eugene at the helm, and have recently been told by the care company he will be staying another week as Jeeves 2 cannot make next week. I am elated, but fully understand that it would have been a full month that he has been on duty ! Great for me, but he does need a break !!! Tomorrow sees us making a prawn, muscle and chichen green Thai curry in antissipation of P & D visit on Monday . Neither of which, either of us have done before ! All Eugenes seems to be saying is that the coconut milk will blend all the tastes together - I hope so !! Late afternoon tomorrow, am re-visiting the Soho stomping ground to watch the infamous Molly Mogs show ! Fun, laughter and undeniably opening myself to a barrage of ridicule, as before ! But it is so important to laughter at yourself as long as you are laughing WITH yourself !! The show is completely unrehearsed, and the performer relys solely on the audience to prop the show. The main singer, an ageing character that simply will not allow age and vocals to get the better of him/her !! Will give you the rundown of abuse expected in my next blog. Have to tell you that the fog horn ordered on line last week has arrived. Rameez forgot to research the whole thing properly, and we need a 12 volt battery to charge the whole thing up. Needless today, time was spent on Amazon finding the correct power supply. Reading the gumff of it, apparently the output is sufficient for a motor cyclist to hear the device whilst travelling at 80 MPH !! Those poor pedestrians in my way !!! Will definitely do a You Tube video of moving people out of my May on pavements etc. AND, it comes with pre-recorded versions of animal sounds, various siren alerts, gun shot imitations and nerve shocking alerts ! It is going to be fun, fun, fun........ Ending off again seems so premature, coz as I publisH, there are other things that then come to mind that I wish I had shared. But, suffice to say, keep moving forward, be thankful for what you have, look after your health and inner core !, and mend all broken bridges whilst you can - life is fragile and unpredictable. Posted with love and ongoing good health wishes !!! G.

Need all the following !!!

I certainly don't rate myself as any profound Ornithologist, but good ol' Google has enlightened me with regards to the Golden Finches that have taken up residence in the branches of the Maples that brush against my small but adequate balcony. With the Maples in full leaf now, the bird life has increased and between the train sounds, traffic noise and general London buzz sounds finally we get some bird life in the city !!! Google says...... As with most birds, the male is by far the prettiest of the pair. Against all odds of the Greek wind Gods, this pair have been trying in earnest to build themselves a home for the spring and ever-threatening summer. Problem is...... Both are beautiful and both look like males, so I have named my new house guests " Peter & Paul ". Thinking right out of the box now, and loving my thought processes, makes a good book and fantasy read for the two urban, male , finches trying to set up home and start a family - Is there a sperm donation clinic for Finches nearby ? Or do they do what Maddona and Angelina did and fly to a nearby county, wipe the lice outa the babies eyes, pay a token fee and take babies home ???? Or is there an egg syndicate / Mafia going on right under my nose ? Food for thought ! In the mean time though, I am just going to enjoy the simple beauty of having some tiny wildlife nesting so close ! Will keep you posted on P & P 's family adoption process. The past week or so has seen me gaining a little more mobility, muscle wise, and an inherent attitude to push myself further to the limits in my ongoing quest to find my legs again. Home wise, things have been running really smoothly ! Having had Eugene at the helm for a three week stretch has been amazing ! No deviation from regimes, total dedication to my rather strict routine, and as irritating as it can be, it is at the end of the day...... All for my benefit ! Gotta love him, and the compassion he has for his subject ! Me !! So, we have a good team, apart from the one Jeeves that I am trying to replace for a less complicated carer who continually looks for the short cuts, and has toooo many personal issues to work through. This, will happen, and my pro-active approach in doing so will complete the circle in time ! Last weekend saw myself meeting a friend for a catch up and a few drinks in my old favourite area called Soho. In my legs of past days, this eclectic area of " anything " goes, loads of bars, sex shops, eateries, Funtime drag shows etc etc etc has been a stage drop of many a great time. Heidi's 50th, was probably the last time I was there, where I managed to get us invited to a private club ( whilst having a cig outside ) where we danced until the wee hours of the morning !. My return saw a mixed emotion of self pity, hatred of my condition, u yet and sel fulfilling of worth when barren, patron etc recognised me and were more than eager to help me up stairs etc to gain entry. Our last port of call was the Admiral Duncan pub. Once the target of a nail bomb - years ago, and one of the longest remaining bars. On arrival, the bouncer asked if I would prefer to be indoors ?, but as the sun was out I responded accordingly. He told me that the previous bar had called ahead offering their ramp for me to gain access !! PEOPLE, I am back !!! Leaving Soho, to make my way home, proved frustrating and complicated ! Rameez at the helm, shouting and screaming at hoards of tourists to get out of the way, " scuz uuus " etc etc proved frivolous ! We decided that a loud speaker would be the answer ! Got home, straight onto the net and ordered one ! Awaiting delivery and will definitely let you know the outcome !! Should be loads of fun...... I did post on FB my positive response to my assessment a Alcatraz , my consultant being very happy with the progress of this rebuilding of the body. I will spend a day with the OT's and Physio's, and a decision will be made as to when my next few weeks of intensive therapy will happen. This will evolve another 2 - 3 week admittance to Alcatraz - a thought that churns my weakened stomach muscles, but part of the long term recovery process - My God, I am lucky enough to be considered for further therapy, and I need to remember that ! On a more serious note ! And given the situation that I am in, I need all of you to please follow my blog, and get it out there !! Social media is such a positive thing. I am planning a " challenge ", need funding and sponsorship ! This is NOT an appeal to you as followers, but I am looking at crossing the UK in my chair to raise awareness of SCI, and in particular raising money for kids with this life debilitating condition. I KNOW I can make a difference !! As always, posted and sent with ongoing good health wishes ! G

The East End Rocks !!!

Correct me if I am wrong, but as I remember from a by-gone era of Greek Mythology lessons from school days, Anemoi was a term referred to as the God's of wind. If I am correct, the Anemoi Gods have decided to decend on the east end of London to remind us of the major part of the weather patterns they have privy to. From months of waiting for the trees to leaf and block out my view of the train tracks, these Gods have arrived with a vengeance to remind the tees that, although now in leaf, even they ! Are not safe in keeping their spring camouflage safe !!! Watching the flimsy branches being blown to and fro, desperately holding on to their leaves by every cell, shows determination, and courage to maintain their place in the evolution process of mother nature ! They WILL survive and they WILL hold onto their every new sprouted green beauty that they have waited to do all through the long dreary winter ! The tree's are putting up a good fight and the wind Gods are slowly moving off to somewhere else much to my delight, knowing that the Maples will now continue with their natural screening of the dismal view of the tracks !! Gotta love the inherent seasonal changes of this hemisphere ! Although I can still hear the trains, and the now ' soothing ' hooters ', the greenery is far more appealing !!! Anemoi be gone............ !!!! So an update with the quest to put smiles on people's faces, and play havoc with people's inner beings, Andreas and I exit Bermondsey tube station. Giggling at what we have achieved in our small and perhaps, childish way ! As we exit I see an old fashion ice-cream van, parked to the left of the exit. Conveniently parked in order to catch the exiting hoards, and just off from our regular tree which we have discovered is a suitable place to empty my leg bag. We do the nessessary, and I ask him if he would like an ice-cream ? No thanks he replies, and " anyway, they are £2.50 - a complete rip off " !! I wheel up and ask - " any free cones today " to the started lady inside the van. She takes a look at us and says " yes " !!!! We get a free soft serve with all the trimmings !! Next step is gonna be asking people for £10 in the lift ! He is going to shyTe himself !!!!!! Yesterday saw us exploring the eateries and market like stalls underneath the arches in and around my place. Shesh and Nic had come in to London to spend the day with me. An amazing wander through the age old arches of the east end discovering oyster bars with champagne , cheese stalls, jam makers etc etc etc, all mixed in with antique shops and jewellery stores, breweries and butcher shops - a hidden gem, no tourists, mainly supported by locals - always a good sign !! Rope Street in particular is well worth a visit.. A stones throw from Tower Bridge, and Shad Thames, an area just below the bridge And made up of cobbled streets, modern and old combined architecture, converted warehouses and an eclectic mixture of resteruants all situated on the river. We chose an Italian for lunch. " Ask " - pleasantly priced, good service, value for money, completely chair friendly ( although, most of them are ) and on the river with amazing views of the bridge. Tomorrow sees another day off as it is a bank holiday, but for me, it is change over of shifts for the Jeeves ! So anything could happen !!! Will keep you posted ! Then on Tuesday, it is back to Alcatraz for another assessment day in anticipation of a re-book for further intensive therapy !! Feeling good about it ! With small changes, comes bigger improvements ! Remember to keep the shadows behind you, remain positive in your outlook, and keep moving forward. Posted with love and on-going good health wishes ! G.

Charity begins in the chair !

So my ' break all the rules ' Andreas and I head out for a little, let's get outa here time ! He, I think deep down believes that I suffer more from mental health issues rather than tetraplegic transformation from completely abled body to wheelchair bound person with a mind ready to voice any form of opinion !!! Our unique bond is something like the symbiotic relationship between a rhino that has a tick plucking bird that casually sit on the back of the rhino feasting on the blood sucking of parasites annoying the sh/t out of the thick hide of Reggie the rhino. Already ladened with emergency pack attached to the back of the 4 x 4 , his supplies of water and daily intake of food are added. This Italian can eat !!! 5 panini' a day, together with crisps, fruit and snack bars bares testimony of how to keep a nearly 7ft carer happy - food, food, food !. His constant smile, infectious laugh, broken English and total dedication to my well being are admirable. He is a pleasure to be with and a tonic for the soul in embracing anything I might be capable with in dealing with the public whilst out on the road. Today, and in fact this week, I inform him that my mission is to keep him well fed whilst road tripping around London. First stop is Waterloo, where I am to meet Annie, a friend of mine from SA who has limited time in LND, but has earmarked a morning to catch up with me. Thanks Annie - it was great ! And was so cool to catch up with you prior to your ongoing trip to Ireland ! We enter our homestation, make our way to the lift and there stands an elderly lady who snuggles into the lift with us. She is chewing, what I presume is gum ! I casually ask her for some, and she produces a packet of Haribo's, pops a few in my hand. Anndreas is so embarresed, and makes all kinds of thank you speeches to her, all the while giggling and chatting with her whist we descend into the bowels of the earth to platform level. We exit the lift and at full tilt head for out platform. Creating havoc by, jump mounting onto the train has wide eyed passages scattering for cover, fearful of their shins being damaged by my foot plates. Standing right behind us is the ' sweet lady ' who thanks us for creating a path for her to get into the carriage. We get to Waterloo and prep for our exit - as we are backing out the door she pulled out the large packet of Haribo's and pushes it between my legs ! " you guys finish them " what a refreshing start to the day !! It is quite amazing that a smile from the chair, or a simple greeting, joke or banter with people on the underground can change morose, grim faces of the underworld ! So with a new ' game ' now we make it our business to get as many smiles, laughs or greetings out of the people on the trains !! I'm feeling good about myself. Completely over my spaced out days of over dose of Baclofen, which saw me tripping like a giraffe with eight legs, body and mind back to normal, hair finally grown to a length that now needs styling, and the diet showing signs of a little weight loss !!! Time to start grooming myself back into society - so off we go to the local High Street in search of a barber shop. We find one that I barely fit through the door, but, there is no step ! Bonus !! Thankfully the cutting chairs are not bolted to the ground and with much reorganising we manoeuvre my 4 x 4 in front of a mirror. Reggae, my new best barber is Kurdish, cannot speak a word of English apart from " top eend Sid " which I assume meant - short back and sides !, I nod, he smiles and grabs his scissors. We have a very in depth conversation neither of us understanding a word we were saying to one another, but all smiles and nods, and within literally 5 minutes I'm done ! He suggests I have some " solar straaaks " which I assume means high lights ! What the hell, I think, let's just do it. I agree with Reggae, but then realise that he himself does not do them, but the hairdresser across the road is " virrrry guud ". I wheel over and see two rather large steps to gain entry - a no no !, but ask Andreas to look at the price list in the window........ High lights £120 !!! Forget it, and we start off, only to be chased down the road by the hairdresser telling us he is running a special on high lights if you have had your haircut across the road at the barber shop. Guess what ? He is Kurdish as well....... Talk about networking on the High Street ! We agree on a price of £30, but he can only fit me in the following day at 6pm. I return the following evening, conquer the access problem and he does a fantastic job, albeit mixing the potion in a used baked beans tin !!! So the Kurds are in ! My new best friends ! Sunday plans were to get out of the city to avoid the travel disruptions and huge crowds as it was the London Marathon. The route bringing the runners right past my doorstep to cross over Tower Bridge ( the grandest bridge of London ). Mixed emotions watching the athletes and crowds cheering on my way to the station. It brought back memories of myself running two Comrades Marathons in SA in the 80's ! Part of my 'last' life when my legs worked - note to self.... Get out of this chair !!! All those years ago, I would never have thought I would be in this condition today - another note to self..... Be greatful for ones small mercies in life, as life is so fragile and each day should be lived as one's last day coz we just ain't sure of tomorrow's outcome !!! So passing the runners, onto the station we go en-route to Kingston for lunch with G & N, and Stewy & Lynne who are out from SA. Kingston is always an uplifting town to meander through. Age old street markets combined with modern day shopping centres and labeled shops, with hidden alleys linking old and new, complimented by the winding river inhabited with various different duck species and graceful swans all gathering along the side walkways ever hopeful of scraps of food from the people walking by. What an afternoon ! Great catch up, great company and lovely food and wine ! Well worth a mention is The Bishop restaurant, where we ate, completely wheelchair accessible , good food and service, on the river and indoor / outdoor space. Well done Nic & Graaamie for selecting the venue !! As always, I like to believe, that their priority when choosing a place is ' can Gav get in '. Love you two !! And Monday brings us back to a new week again !! Back to the Dragon voice recognition program - a frustrating, yet liberating program ! Just when you think you got it...... Wham, it takes you back to the basics, but hey ! Isn't that what living and learning is about ? As always friends, look after yourselves, tell and treasure the ones you love, mend all broken bridges, and appreciate small things we so often take for granted. Sent with love and ongoing good health wishes !! G.