It's My Life !!!

This month marks my one year anniversary of release from Alcatraz !! Yes, one full year ! I so strongly remember the gut wrenching , daunting feeling of being loaded into the ambulance on discharge from being in a hospital environment for a year - having had the peace of mind that at any given moment, Specialists, doctors, nurses, support workers were at hand to deal with any problems that might had presented with my medical condition ! Now.... Being released back into the big wide world again, a world that prior to my injury was never anything but a big playground ready to be explored and enjoyed !! My cocoon, my safety bubble, my institutionalised situation suddenly ripped from underneath my feet.

I clearly remember my three or four green plastic bags of belongings being loaded up, together with two complete strangers who, as my carers, were now to be in charge of my well being. To live in my space, to be constantly by my side wherever I went or whatever I now did. Wher had my independence gone ? Is this life forever ? The complete fear of "you're on your own now" !. I cannot explain the sense of complete lack of confidence, vulnerability, and sheer panic that I experienced when the " settling in " team said goodbye, and closed my apartment door ! Alone, affraid, and a notebook with various medical numbers to call if I had a problem.

Forever grateful to Jo and Justin and the team from Genesis, who took control of my sterile apartment and moved in a week before my release to " make it homely " for my homecoming !! - setting up Internet, TV, re-vamping the whole apartment with a full kitchen pack........ To reorganizing furniture, adding small personal details in order to eliminate the feeling of an adapted apartment !! Welcome balloons and flowers to boot ! Amazing, amazing, amazing !!


Ohhhh, how things have changed !!....... One year up the line and working the system has become second hand to me. What I have learned, and I firmly believe ones survival instinct kicks in, and the efficiency of the community support structure is amazing. It all depends on the level to which one goes in order to which way you survive in society with the disability handed to one.

Initially, the medical regimes, the transport system, the shopping, the everything of normal day to day living seems insurmountable ! But gradually as you become more " comfortable " with your lot, you become more assertive with it all. Thankfully, I have refused to allow this condition to get the better of me and have been proactive in getting on with life in a chair - albeit for the time being ! My faith and determination in myself, against the doctors advice, will see me walk again..... One day !!!

All the team members at Alcatraz explained the above, but I never took heed. Believing that I would reintegrate back into society as soon as I left. They were right ! I tried so hard to immediately get back to where I was - it DON'T happen !! And as they said, it will take up to two years to settle into a lifestyle again. Gladly, I can say that after one year I am nearing the old life as closely as I can with the disability I have. I am out there, I will conquer, and I will make a difference in some way or another !!!!

So many people suggested writing a book. After much thought and research on books being written about living life with SCI, I decided to follow through with one, but, with a more positive approach to life, as well as a more informative content as to the daily routines, the factual stuff that's not revealed,  together with the humorous side, needed so often otherwise it could get the better of you ! I am not a writer, and was introduced to a lady that is willing to help. For want of anonymity , I will refer to her as JS. Having had a few telephone " interviews " with her, and leaving it all up to my " gut " feeling, I knew she was perfect ! AND, she believed in my story !! There are no guarantee's a publisher will go with it, and it's a process that can take a while. Met with her a few weeks ago for the first " out pouring " of the gist of intentions etc etc, and hopefully a book is born ! She is a well known writer with a number of best sellers, totally unassuming , with an aura of inner peace and total grip on life. I took to her immediately !! Will keep you all posted !!

Probably the hardest part of being out in the real world, is maintaining the constant excersise routine in order to keep muscle tone, and constant carry over from nerve ending growth to mind control. My stalwart carer, Eugene,  is to be complimented on his constant encouragement and " forcing " of this. Together we have been researching further methods with the FES ( electrical stimulation machine ), and have been working a little out of the box. We are now placing pads on the left leg muscles, at full tilt and getting some good results ! Much fun and laughter after my morning shower when draped with towels, looking like some kind of Ceasar character en route to a toga party watching the trains go past ! I often flash at them, whilst he nukes up the voltage to create leg lifting responses !!! Good news though, there is muscle response, although no feeling yet ! That in time will come !

I return to Alcatraz in September for a two week intensive top up therapy process which is encouraging, and as I said in my last blog - fortunate to be called back......

My new mission, " Ramping Up Your Business " is a project I am embarking on - still unable to upload pics onto blog page, but will upload onto FB, involves making every business in London chair accessible. I'm tired of confirming with restaurants, banks etc etc as to how I can gain access etc. starting with the restaurants, and various streets throughout London, I am going to try and get them to donate towards ramps to be strategically placed on a " Help one another " basis so that any chair user can arrive at a restaurant and gain access, by using " buddy " ramps available up and down the street !! - Will keep you posted. As always.... This post is sent with ongoing good health wishes !! G.