The Inner self of truth - Second anniversary !!!

When my friend, Lise' and I set up my blog I was determined that it would not be a sympathy request, but rather an insight as to the positive side of rebuilding a life after SCI. I, with all my intentions, have hopefully relayed that message throughout my journey !! All of your support has been absorbed with gratitude and an amazing amount of influence with regards to the ongoing quest to find my legs again......... Gearing up to my second anniversary of my injury, where my life changed " forever ", for the now, has changed my perception on all things in life ! Firstly, that none of us are immune to life changing events and secondly, live in the now and love in the now ! At any given moment life can take it all away - never regret ! And never forget to appreciate what we have. I clearly remember the 7th of November 2013, and a day which I will never forget either. I woke up as usual, with a normal days work ahead ! Jumped outa bed, SSS, and left for what I believed would be - just another day. How wrong I was. With a break in assignment lots for work, I popped into the office. It was there that the onset of this journey began. With no adverse symptoms, no indication of anything un-toward, something went horribly wrong !!! Suddenly, my boss, my colleague and my friend, Jo, was holding me up against the wall - my life was being taken away from me..... My body caving in on me, distant sirens, Sebastion the bulldog at the office exerting his Alfa male assertiveness , Eilene running up and down the road trying to direct the pre ambulance medics to the office - all the while, Jo, holding me up with constant words of encouragement !! " don't leave us "..... There's too much to do, and probably the words which will ring in my years to come " you have not told the people you love, that you love them "...... Thank you Jo, forever grateful ? His calm, yet assertive approach admirable and indicative of the control needed in a serious situation ! Fully conscious of what was going on around me, unyet not able to control bodily function ! Scary stuff ! Loaded into an ambulance, sirens blaring and off to A & E at the Royal London Hospital. Thankfully less than a 20 minute journey. Arriving to a team of medical specialists who had been radioed ahead. Still conscious of my surroundings and faculties, I was treated as a stroke patient and put onto the relevant pathway. Having been privy to records in hindsight, and I'm no doctor, perhaps more investigation into my injury was needed - my opinion ! Waking up to pod of specialists around my bed all " arguing " as to weather or not I was a stroke patient or a spinal patient ? I recall so clearly the sheer fear of not being able to move any part of my body, not being able to talk as I had been intubated, and the slow but life giving sheeeeew of the life support machines keeping my completely paralysed body alive. Still to this day, I believe that medicine and its related technology can be a cruel twist of fate. I no longer believe in the Hypocratic Oath, and strongly believe in allowing ones demise rather than having to psychologically deal with an injury that renders you completely dependent on others to care for you !! Having said that, I cannot fault the unbelievable treatment bestowed upon me by the NHS. I was given 48 hours to live. I made it !, then another 48 hours reprieve ! And, shit !!! I made it !! My kin folk having been mobilised from another continent expecting to be arranging a funeral, but in between vague hazes of consciousness and the ever sounding life support machines my body refused to give in. For another blog experience, I still believe that I died three times, but again, technology over-ruled !!! So, as a " mop " here I lie in a too sterile environment with a spinal consultant admitting that I should not have been put on the stroke pathway and given blood thinning agents !! This has caused the paralysis and caused the blood to exit the spinal column in various places ! Oh great ! I remember thinking - easy for them to say now ! Whilst I lie completely lifeless but for a moving head !! My mind completely whole, and understanding. Five months might not seem like a long period, but try it on a hospital bed, being turned every 3 hours, constant florecent lights and a nurse at your side 24/7, with no body function, and someone literally telling you when to breath, wee or poo !!! The thoughts of long term not even an option at this point. No control of anything below the head, and NO answers from the specialists ! An in humane way of dealing with those left on the "other " side. My parents had flown half way around the world to find a " corpse " with no input as to where I would eventually land up ! A huge gap in the system is a market to explain the why's, if's and eventually of the patient !! Just a simple explanation of what might lie ahead would do leaps and bounds for those on the " other " side of SCI. Nobody tells you about bowel and bladder control. Nobody tells you about skin maintenance ( our biggest organ, so undeniably the cause of pressure sores ) etc etc etc. I spent 5 months in the RLH, readying myself medically for my transfer to the Spinal Rehab unit at Stanmore. A huge leap in the right direction, and a privilege I will never forget ! That was to be my " home " for the next six months. Initially, one is given about eight weeks, but my presentation required further investigating, and I landed up being there much longer ! I bonded with the nurses,and was assigned my " mentor " Chrissy, a ditsy multi coloured hairdo who shadowed me full time, thought me the ins and outs of SCI, and became a friend for life. Adam, Kerry and many more of the nurses and sisters became my "family ". The OT's and Physio's my salvation, and the wonderful consultant, Angela, who would promise me nothing more than standing !! We have an unbelievable bond whereby I have challenged her with her expertise and told her I WILL walk again !! Again, I reiterate, that this is not a sympathy blog, but rather a realisation post of the challenges faced by SCI people, and the mere facts of daily living with an injury like this. To clarify, I am a C1, Incomplete injury, which in essence should mean that I am just a head with no usage of arms or legs ! A mop, lying in a bed, being fed by someone else etc etc - destined for a care home where one is put in front of a TV for the days entertainment !! My worst nightmare - and at " mop " stage had already made up my mind that was not gonna happen ! Life is not easy, but then, life is a lot harder for a lot of people ! It is too easy to wrap ourselves up in the "Woe is me" blanket ! Let's get out there and embrace what we can do rather than what we could do ! All changes and challenges are for a reason ! We can question, but the answers might be right in front of us without seeing them ! Look hard, question not and believe,trust and don't judge !! From the cripples chair, I send this with love, and ongoing good health wishes !! G.