It has been a month since my last posting, forgive the lapse, and a lot has happened...... Some good, and some not so good ! But in the ever evolving scheme of life, it's our choice to attack our hurdles with what we want the outcome to be. Some more daunting than others, but at the end of the day it's " give in " or " get on " with it !! I chose the latter.
Just when the circle of Jeeves was working so well, out of the blue, one of the live ins comes to me and announces he is leaving, he has been taken out of the chain basically with immediate effect - he is leaving the next morning !! I am devastated ! And question why ?? He says he has no idea, but has been removed from the rota and he has to go. I immediately get onto the care company to enquirer as to this sudden change of events !! It turns out, he has been applying for numerous day only jobs through the company in order for him to spend more time with his family in the evenings - this I can fully understand, but after his last withdrawal from the rota I had fought tooth and nail for his -reinstatement on his request, after he had tried this same route but with no joy !! To any of you out there relying on care companies for assisted living arrangements - DON'T allow them to bully you into situations !!!
I do believe that my care company is one of the best around, but one needs to be vocal, assertive and not just accepting ! Their handling of the situation was unacceptable ! And I should have been all of the above in dealing with it. They earn money out of the care packages, but by taking on ones own package can be of great advantage !!!! Do look into it, and expose any company that abuses your care ! I have made this patently clear now to my care facility, and will not hesitate to take on the responsibility myself - please do the same !!
Enough bitching !!, I have just spent the last two weeks in Alcatraz again - receiving top up therapy for my ongoing quest to find my legs again. The first week accompanied by Eugene, who got fully involved with the next steps towards gaining more function out of this debilitating position I find myself in. Heavy sessions of Physio, and less taxing sessions with the OT's ! Filming new exercises, chair to bed transfers and EFS muscle training. Our experimental work at home has paid off !!! Muscle flickers to the LEFT HAND SIDE now evident as slowly, slowly, slowly the brain starts to
register tones throughout the body. My balance is a huge problem - still completely reliant on upper body support but have been given a regime to strengthen core muscles etc etc and in time, and with practice, together with a building of confidence I will get there !
Going back always invokes a love / hate emotion for me - arriving at the tumbled down buildings, far from the hustle and bustle of London life, and entering a time frame so fresh in my mind - this was home for me for most part of my injury time !! The 'ol pal nurses, the new ones that still have not ' got ' my sense of humour !, the doctors, Physio's, the OT's, all of which remember me so well for my outspoken ways ! My ' so not proper 'antics in and around the spinal unit as well as the AMU ward to which I was " banished" when it was discovered that I could not be cleared of the MRSA bug ! Caught whilst at the Royal London Hospital - a virus that will remain in my body for life it appears ! With little if any side effects. Apparently a large percentage of the Brit population carry it, as it can be transferred on the tubes, busses etc etc.
The first week in Alcatraz was exhilarating - back to the relentless Physio torture, new and progressive therapy excersises, back onto the sliding board from chair to bed and visa versa - an excersise much like hauling an over weight jelly fish across a plant !!! I now have to concentrate on building muscle tone in my torso to maintain balance whilst sitting upright as well as using my right leg to stand and manoeuvre my bum across the board ! Not a pretty sight, but will conquer the obstacle in time !
The second week was less productive, as my muscles weakened and the results slowed down. It's at times like these that I realise just how long recovery can take. Those all so minor movements taken so for granted in my past flood back and it's pretty damn hard to push out the negative feelings ! The why me ? The arguments with God, the complete uselessness of my situation at the moment !!! Probably for the first time since the onset of my injury, and nearing my two year anniversary, the realisation has hit me - I am CRIPPLE !!!! Unable to do the basic day to day basics without the 24 hr carers that I am so lucky to have. So I spend a few days stewing over my lot, and decide to have a chat with the resident Psychologist !! Over a casual cup of coffee, and very informally we discuss my thoughts and emotions. I am, once again, reminded that the progress I have made in the last two years has been remarkable, my positive attitude towards my " new " life incredible, and to give up now would result in a backward slide of no return !!!
I leave Alcatraz with a renewed zest to continue on this journey with all the gusto I can give it !! I have a brain, I have an arm, and I have the will power to overcome as much as I can !! I will stand out of my chair, I will transfer by slide board and I will regain as much use out of my left hand side !!! I will, I will, I will....... My consultant, the Physio's, the OT's all positive with my slow, but evident progress !, and the fact that this has been my third " call back ", and another due for Feburary ! ............... Actually...... I have to remind myself..... Just how lucky I am !!!
So prior to my Alcatraz stint, I had quite a social two weeks ! Had an appointment with wheelchair services to correct various minor issues - all of which were NOT resolved - an ongoing occurrence that I have become so used to - you get an appointment, you good order, you see the technicians, they fiddle and faff, you leave feeling more uncomfortable that before - Alcatraz has now requested a new cushion for me. I wait in anticipation !!
Evidently, there are NO people to talk to in the outer lying areas, coz the only time she stopped nattering on was to take a sip of wine, it was like a Sony Play station on fast forward !, And I mean fast fast forward !!! After night one, and her uncomfortable night on the sleeper couch, she revealed to us that she was battling to sleep in general. Night two, Eugene came up with the idea that in order to " break " the insomnia pattern, she should take one of my Zoplclone tabs ! A little sceptical , but keen to resolve the problem, she did so !!! - WOW..... Our problem solved !!! Mid sentence, she collapsed onto the sofa and snored like a engine - Eugene became her " new best friend " and for the next few nights he simply stuck a pill down her throat - 3 good nights sleep, and silence, silence, silence........ Gotta love ya Shesh !!! We await her next visit at the end of October - rain hat banished and the boys ready to rag her !!
Also met with a friend, Brian, for lunch - who I had not seen since Pride three years ago. We met at Amisha, an Italian restaurant at the end of Spa road, Bermondsey ! What a laugh ! Good company, good food, chair accommodating !. Reasonably priced, eclectic decor and an open kitchen that allows full view of the food prep ! Well worth a visit and within ease of access from both London Bridge or Bermondsey stations !
Prior to that a " at home " Bunny chow evening with Jen and Tessa - always a hoot !!!
Finally, after various dental clinic appointments, and then an at home consultation with the specialist dental team, I am off to Guys hospital tomorrow to have my teeth done. After months in hospital where the only oral care I was a led, was a swabbing of the mouth with Corsadile solution, together with the pills etc etc, my teeth stained and eroded. It has been decided that the only way to treat me is to put me out and do all the nessesary work !
Well my friends, that's about all the gab I have at the moment ! Back into the main stream again, and promise to blog more regularly now that I am over Alcatraz etc etc. As always, sent with love and ongoing good health wishes ! Always let the shadows be behind you and be thankful for what we have !
Positive, challenges and a good mindset is the key to moving forward - Reverse gear is no longer part of my vocabulary !!!
With love
G.
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