And the Grass is always Greener .........!!!

So, the buzzer goes and it is another delivery from Amazon. One huge box, that I have absolutely no idea of its contents, plus a smaller box that I assume is going to be some led lights to try and instill a some Christmas spirit !

I ask Andreas to open - small box contents consist of 68 fridge magnets - YES !! 68 of them !! What on earth was I thinking ??? So a few get put onto the door, and the balance are going to Rameez's nieces. The next huge box presents as artificial lawn, perfectly manicured astro- turf ! Enough ' grass ' to cover a pavement. I guess my measurements were a little off, but have a vague recollection of a 3am online shop from a few days ago ! So the wooden decking of the minute balcony off the lounge is to be grassed. Andreas commissioned to lay turf immediately - tape measure out, mini tac's at hand and half an hour later, the dull wooden balcony is transformed into a space fit for the ' Chelsea Flower  Show '


 My new best friend, Ben, who sells olives at the Borough market happens to have his storage space under the arches around the corner from me, opens up on a Saturday, along with numerous cheese makers, vege growers, coffee suppliers etc etc etc, have been given permission by the council to trade on a Saturday - whole new experience and ease of shopping right on my doorstep ! Anyway, Ben, who is a hippie looking guy with long dread-locks, fully into being all ' green ' and seems to be a bit of a tree hugger recognizes me as having been there last Saturday ( not difficult when I carry the 4x4 stamp of approval ), seems pleased to see me again as we can converse about his fascination with the great white sharks off the shores of SA.

Being the ' green ' guy he is, rather than re-cycle hid olive tins, he is giving the empty tins away, promoting growing herbs in them. A sudden creative gardening flare comes over me and I take 7 of
them, with every intent of going to Columbia  road flower market to buy beautiful lilies and potted thyme and lavender bushes to fill the tins in order to block out the ever approaching railway line and in the hopes of blurring the rather unsightly wholesale depot across the road from me. Sadly did not make the market today, but will find a store that sells plants and fill the tins. The carers think I am quite peculiar, and just DONT get it !

This past week has been pretty uneventful ! Usual regimes to start the day, office for a few hours a day, Andrea fetching and escorting me to work.......all pretty boring, really apart from, which I have mentioned before - standing frame delivered, which will enable me to stand as much as possible - really good for the posture, balance etc etc

Valentine, the new lady live in that replaces Ivan, is working out really well. She managed to roast a chicken and veg last night, under full instruction, and complete amazement that one could roast butternut - which she refers to as puncheon ( pumpkin ). She managed to completely destroy a ' add milk and stir ' instant cheese sauce, make complete mush out of the rice ( thrown out ), but the spuds, butternut and chicken were great !!

So, with new ground rules being set tomorrow, after all the testosterone filled ' gripes ' between the carers, and having complete clarification from the agency, new rules apply !!! So menial, unyet so important NOT to be having to worry about the daily bickering of staff members - trying to please all is just plain impossible ! Having spent useless hours last weekend listening to ' who thinks who ' is doing more / less work, cupboard space for each carer, underlined cleaning duties etc etc etc I had the agency email me the terms and conditions of their employment !

As it turns out...... They have actually shot themselves in the foot, and I rather suspect that they are going to be somewhat upset !!! I have, wrongly so , just pandered to their shopping lists - I understood it, that it was my duty to feed them, and accordingly did a weekly shop - costing a fortune
of meat, fresh dairy, certain cheese only, etc etc etc - so in my mind the most cost effective solution was to buy chickens, roast beef, chops etc etc, like any household would do ! OH hob wrong I have been - agency emailed me a list of provisions deemed to be sufficient as the home owner ! Turns out, that there is a really basic list of everyday items that I need to provide. The rest is for their account !

So, in pure master / servant style, I am to allocate a cupboard space, one shelf in the fridge and some freezer space. This cupboard is to be labeled Carers, and with regards to the space in their room, the two living in, must share the cupboard and the two double ups are to be allocated space to put their jackets and daily bag - the responsibility to feed themselves lies with themselves. Obviously coffee and tea to be provided by myself !!

It never ceases to amaze me, that no matter where in the world one is......it boils down to the social hierarchy. Here I have been taken for a complete ride, and through their own pathetic little nuances, they have to have the book thrown at them !

The funny thing is, that through all this nothingness, and trying to keep this one and that one happy, for fear of losing them, I have realised, that it REALLY does not matter if I do lose one or two along the way. I might need the care, in fact, I DO need the care but never again will I have a sword held to my throat !

Enough of a bitch session now ! Spent an amazing afternoon with Sharron and Tyler yesterday, catching up on all the news ! They stayed over, and we headed out to the South bank as the weather was so good. Ambled around the Xmas stalls, along the river and found a fish n chips restaurant for lunch - what a laid back, fun weekend ! Will hopefully see Sharron before she jets back to SA ! You two rock ! And thanks for your patients with the 4 x 4.

As always guys, posted with love and ongoing health ! Will get another blog OT two in prior to Christmas !

Love ya

G.

So I rang God this morning !.......... He answered !!!!

So my last blog was full of bitching and moaning about ME ! Gotta keep reminding myself that I am not the only person with gripes ! Normal wake up call from Eugene, who I ' hate ' at that time of the morning ! As the saying goes...... You can choose one of two paths for the day - good or bad. I know that I am teetering on the more sombre one. My body hating every absolutely nessesary exersize needed to maintain any semblance of spasticity within the muscle make up ! ' Why ME ? ' creeps into my head like some evil worm trying to throw me off kilter !! " Fu&:)@k this I manage to argue between the grey matter and reasonable doubt !!!

Have got to make a call to God ! More often than not, His line is busy ! Much like the SA load shedding :) , just when you need the damn current, it is NOT available ! Well this morning HE picked up ! Shock, horror, and total disbelief !! Yeah, I shit you not ! I immediately start an argument with him, why this ?, why that ?, why me ?.........................Suddenly the excersisers become less strenuous,  I find my limbs embracing them, even helping with the movements ! My mind tilts a little, and thoughts of some of the patients from Alcatraz that I left behind, enter my minds eye, the beautiful lights that I am able to see as I pass through Canary Wharf en-rout to and from work, the ability to be able to work again, the use of what I have enabling me to re-build a life etc etc etc they JUST did not stop coming....way too many to list !! SO, there was no option, BUT to choose the positive attitude.

Feast or famine, He had intervened, my mindset now on the good road ! Andreas, completely agog whilst escorting me to work - I greeted the 100 year old graves passing through the church yard with ' morning fellow's, sleep tight ' Did not swear or curse at the other pavement users so busy texting that they would be run down by the 4 x 4, no profanity, and even greeted the tramp outside the station. Sadly, did not see the usual one, a middle aged woman with tyre length hair, no legs and rotten teeth - usually perched proceriously on the edge of her chair pretending that she was gonna fall out !! I am not joking ! She looks like a hamster with no cross bar for the wheels ! I Sussed her out on day one, when she tried to befriend me ! NO GO, as the saying goes ' you can choose your friends, but........... ' That low roller was not gonna be a part of this high rollers circle ! But had she been there, perhaps I would have thrown a few coins into her lice infected beret that she hovers over. ( I do however have to admire her balance skills - sooo envious )

More mind over matter, I maniplate my way behind my desk - all colleagues walking on ' egg shells ' Think they might have read my last blog ! Jo, comes out of his office, and simply asks ' are you over yourself yet ? ' Yes, I answer ! OK, get on with Dragon then ! Gotta love his diplomacy !!

So the next phase of this ' Dragon ' voice activated program, level that we have, tells me my accent is not recognized - WORLDWIDE !!!, and I need to re-read to it, on a wholesale degree in order for it to re-boot the voice activation box ! I have options.......... Whinny the Poo, Alice in Wonderland, and some other freaked out fables. I select Alice !!, ......... WRONG move !, coz every time I say Alice, in unison the others say ' Who the F&£@ck is Alice ' - Dragon picks this up, and after poor ol Alice falls down the rabbit hole, the pc types ' and who the f&£@ck is Alice '

Again, I refer back to my conversation with Him this morning ! How lucky I am to have these amazing people in my life - Jo, who says it like it is ! Thank you. Justin, who NEVER makes enough coffee, Eileen, who is lacking in bleach for the hair !!:), Tobes who mothers me around getting me in and out from my desk for a Marlbourgh Gold !! Yes, Don't judge ! Thank you guys ! Umit, Marcio, and Guy - Same sentiment given. As for Sebastian & Nina ( the half breed, going as British bull-dogs, AKA Chucky and Chuckies bride ) they want nothing to do with me ! That will pass, I consol myself..... Especially when I am up for deep fried chicken and chips from the corner cafe'.

Another huge hurdle over come today was the fact that a permanent live in was changing over. I had basically told the agency that if they were prepared to employ her ( yes a her ) I would be greatful to have her. She arrived yesterday for some shadowing work, and full time as of today. She is young, compitent, knows her spinal stuff, has bowel management experience, and is lovely ! Her name is Valentineouis - with her approval, she is re-named Valentine ! Giggles every time I beckon. No Mona Lisa, rather portly, big in presence, and has a bit if a sence of humour ! She has never grilled chops before, which I find fascinating, but gives me another angle to gaining independence - Instruction ! I swear if she checks the backing potato's one more time, they will jump outa their tin foil back into the vegetable basket !,,, Food for thought.............. Less is more !!

With that my valued friends, family and tag on followers ( which are so important on this journey ), I need to get back to my Valentine and precious lamb chops !

Always sent with love, on-going health, and no criticism to anyone !

That phone will always be answered. Our time is irrelevant. His time needs to be respected !

Lova ya all.

G.

Keeping Positive !!!

Funny, how small inuendoe's can unravel a bucket of emotions, seemingly so 'far ' away !!! Today, I moan ! Today I am unaccepting of my condition !!, today I hate the ever forthcoming' of positive slogans, which in theory are to make me less bitter and twittered ! Today I hate life !!!! Today , !!! Is my biiiiiiiaaaaaaatttch day !

Having spent the majority of the weekend in negotiations with full times and double up's !, via- ing for my attention ! All looking for the right's and wrong's of everyday care ! I hate it !!! But, a nessesary evil, needed to be sorted. Too much testosterone and too little care ! Not an option to explore at the moment, but an option open to me and the care company !!!!! I off load this morning with the care company !

Gotta give it to them - sympathetic, yet firm ! New approach ! Haul them all together, lay down the ground rules again..... Awaiting care companies email, which will be handed out to the two different teams ! No longer meals on my wheels, no longer copious amounts of coffee, milk, etc etc etc. I hate this condition, but it is the only one I have to deal with at the moment !

Care company, sympathetic, but now understand where I am coming from ! If any of the carers want to leave, let them go immediately !! I hate this, but in order to be in control of your destiny in ' Finding my Legs Again ' This has to happen.

As per my previous blogs, these people are ' Not ' my friends !!! Gotta get that into my noodle ! Sooo with a release on life, I go forward in treating as such ! Hard, but real !

As such, I had asked for a replacement for a 24/7. Without any interview, and the agencies full honesty, a Polish lady began today ! A little brash on the English, but seems to know what she is doing ! Valentina is her name, and she takes over full custody tomorrow - Trust and Believe is what I have bases the replacement with ! 

 I simmer down to a cold glass of PG, looking at the railway line , and trust in tomorrow !!

Love you all, and as always.........sent with ongoing health. Xx

G.

Doe* Eye's ? Are they still Looking ???

My weekend 'double up ' , the amazing Rameez, is commissioned to get me to Kingston for a lunch date with the family here prior to everyone's departing to whatever part of the world they are destined for ! A function that Nic organizes every year - Thanks Nic xxx. Last year, unable to attend, bed-bound in hospital was probably one of the most depressing days of my condition, as I realised then that my life would probably never be the same again, and I was missing something that I had enjoyed so much in the past !

A year later, proudly so, I can say I attended the lunch - albeit in a chair, and in ' not the same ' condition, but I made it !!! If, from what heard of last years lunch, Tom & Del had a ball - probably the only real break they had from the endless hospital visits ! Those beautiful cousins of mine plying them with love, light, and laughter - booze ' excluded ' !!! I, of course am nearly 2 hrs late ! But, I can hide behind the 'cripple ' thing and am excused by everyone........ Greeted with an unbelievable energy by all, and again embrace the slow but painful realization that this is a long road ahead, BUT, I am at least trying to get to the end of it, and again with many cul-de-sac's that await the future - this is and will be my path for the now !

On the train up, Rameez starts to tell me about a patient he is taking care of during the week, who has a particular condition that requires a certain body suit........... And how people stare ! He asks me how I have managed to deal with the same ? Me ? Why ? Who ? ......... Stares ?? Suddenly it dawns on me... Yes, 'they' do !! Something that I have not conscientiously observed - perhaps coz I do not see in myself. Getting on and off trains, busses, tubes etc etc...... They DO stare ! An extraordinary feeling overcomes me - this has to be temporary !! What the F#%ck ! I will just have to stare back. It works !!! Their eyes are diverted way before mine !

A fabulous afternoon, a call to Rameez to collect me to chaperone me home, I leave with a sense of achievement. I have started building hours for work, and more importantly, am making an effort to reintroduce myself into socializing again ! Xmas 2014 here I am ! And note to self ,,, Xmas 2015, gotta be up on my feet !

As I sit looking out over the railway line, sipping my last PG of the evening, I realise just how far I have come in a year. I thank you all for the constant sense of encouragement ! Don't give up yet ! This journey might be a long one, but there is many a laugh to come before it ends.

Finding my legs again, is just beginning !

With love and ongoing health !

G.

Wheelchair Woe's !

So, it is a big night out for me ! Having been to work, until Dragon speech Recognition has finally exhausted me, home quickly to refresh, short but needed standing session in the newly acquired standing frame - taxi booked, and off we go to meet Jen and Tess for diner. Andreas ( now full time double up ) escorts me to the venue. No problem getting in / out of the taxi, he settles me in at the resteraunt, dismissed to go home, and Eugene to be called to collect me after diner to escort me home. I really feel like some kinda of celebrity !!! Can't seem to move without somebody shadowing me to ensure ease of normal everyday living.

As always, an amazing time spent over diner - laughter and fabulous company ! Tessa trying her best to convince Jen and myself to attend certain courses, neither of us the least bit interested ! But relentless as she is, not giving up on the two of us. We giggle over various characters Jen has created for her book that is to be written - watch this space........ Jen - WRITE the book !!!! One of the best attributes of these two special friends is, that no matter what hurdles they may be facing, their attitude and zest for life is in no way compromised ! Always they same, no hidden agendas, apart from Jen and here seemingly endless plastic card, and the usual argument about the bill. SHE ALWYS wins ! Not fare Jen !!, but will think smart next round and I will book the table, and threaten the waiter with his life !!

All good thinks have to come to an end, and before we know it, after lobster, an amazing burger, and a vegetarian sandwich, our diner date is over! Call to Eugene to come, call to taxi cab to come.... Eugene arrives, then the cab, and we leave our table to load the 4 x 4 into the taxi to take me home.

Well, the ramp that the cab has is rather steep - but, not to be sniffed at, I attempt the incline, get my pip caught between the chair and the roof of the cab, coupled with the back wheels grasping all the traction and me lying perpendicular with the floor - Eugene holding me up from behind, me shitting myself as to how to avoid crashing backwards onto the pavement ! Not funny, but quite hilarious from a ' Far side ' of things !! Driver not prepared to help, for avoidance of being sue'ed, people waiting to get seated in restaurant glaring but not bothering to get involved, and here we are STUCK. Eugene has an idea....... Gently reverse back wheels in order to get them back onto the ramp, then duck head similar to ' brace ' position so often shown on flights, we tilt the 4 x 4, and wham.... I am upright and hurtling into the cab - bashed and clocked head as I skim through the doorway. All seemed like some publicity stunt !! All well and good being inside now, I won't even go there to explain how we got me out on the other end, surffice to say, that if that did dent bring on another bleed.........then I am far more healed than antissipated !!

The time spent at the office on Thursday taken up with trying to master Dragon. Frustrating to say the leased as it is like trying to learn a new language ! Just grasping the gist of, but will eventually master it ! Quiet night in, as yesterday's debarckles had left me rather weak. Eugene cooked a superb curry - Romanian style - delicious !

Today, back at the office for a few hours, and then meeting an old friend of mine. A rather he tick weekend ahead - Xmas lunch tomorrow with family and then a meeting an lunch with Peter and Donald on Sunday ! Am gradually getting back to my past life style !

There are bound to be some worthwhile stories to report !! Will keep you posted. Have a great weekend.

Sent with love and on-going good health.

G.

As the Wheels turn !!

I really hope that I am not boring you with too many updates, but here I go with another update ! My daily life seems to get better and all I want to do is share it via my post. The wheelchair Services maintenance man arrives this morning, ostensibly to change my snow wheels for indoor wheels. I much prefer the outdoor ' boots ' as transgressing the London pavements is far less stressful on the spasms !! The maintenance Man is flumects, he has been given the exact wheels as are on my chair !!!!......... We finally work out that the new ones are solid, and the existing ones run the risk of puncturing. So hoisting again, and snow wheels changed. This I am happy, I just need to get used to them, and pavement wheeling is far less stressful now. Indoors requires some getting used to - but this I can do !

It is quite remarkable, how many facets are envolved with a wheelchair - Prior to my injury, I just looked at someone in a chair and asummed that all chairs were the same. How wrong I was ! Lucky enough to have been part of the Stanmore rehab, one quickly realises how different each and every chair is ! Positioning, cushion, back-rest etc etc, is all part of the deal of a cripple ! Ideally, one would be better off by going to a private company to spend a fortune on what you ultimately need. Cost prohibited, and then the maintenance etc, etc becomes your responsibility. Once out of Alcatraz , your chair is issued by your local counsil. Luckily enough, I will now be an out-patient for life, and having been up there last week, they now write to my council to inform them of the changes needed ! More and more paperwork ! And, in my opinion, a waste of time ! In the meantime I remain in a chair not ideal, but will be sorted ! Eventually !!!!

Huge excitement !, today my standing frame was delivered ! Yes, all carers present, plus the care agency rep in order to sign off that this contraption can be worked by the carers. A huge step in the long winded process of recovery !! Hours of training, what was supposed to be a half hour excersise, landed up being far longer than expected !. I had all intentions of going to the office, but after the training, and collectively up's and down's, totally exhausted, put into bed again !! Am eternally greatful to my sponsor for the funding for this essential apparatus. We have already agreed that daily, after work, and just before bedtime I will stand for an hour. All in the quest for finding my legs again !!

Eugene arrived back today for his weekly shift. Gotta love him........ All semblance of order and clinical appropriate care resumed ! Being Obsesive  about cleanliness etc, etc, he takes control again !  Thankfully, I do not have to think for myself ! He is so on the ball from my pills to my leg bag...........etc, etc.

As per my last post, I have taken a huge risk, in trusting the care company's word for it. Jeeves 2 ( 24/7 ) will not return next week. I have a Polish lady starting full time next week !!! In my gut I trust !

So, tomorrow it is back to the office to see how far my learning of the Dragon program has gone !!!

As always, posted with love and on-going good health ! Remember to thank your higher being for what you have, don't question the hurdles, don't sweat the small stuff, and build bridges - tomorrow is not guaranteed !

With love,

G.

Sunday ! And Finally a Sleep In !!

Gentle sounds of pitter pater of heavy feet trying their hardest to muffle the noise of walking. Old familiar odour of egg and bacon on the stove - what nices smells !!! Heavy clanking of dishes, trying to be washed quietly !! My eyes open - looking towards the window, which has become my body clock adviser ! It is light, through dazed eyes it appears to be a sunny day........ Yes, Yes, I have " slept in ". Can I believe it ? I buz for Jeeves, who bounces in, clearly happy that he no longer has to shuffle around to keep noise levels at a minimum !! Gyoou slept gin - he announces with his thick Latvian accent. Time I enquire ? 9:30 ( niign thirsty ) he replies ! His accent grating the hell outa me, but my attitude soon fades as I realise that at long last I have managed to have a long sleep - " Shell vi start da raagime, and start zi dagy " ?  " Yes " I reply, curtly, and hating every second of not being able to jump out of bed, shower and get on with it !

The day starts...... Subs in, rolled onto my back and half an hour of excersises begin. Thorough concentration as to working with the mind and the physical movements of the excersises. I find it highly irritating that after three months this particular Jeeves still has to refer to the Physio's notes, and still needs coaching with the movements !! I consol myself with the fact that the care agency has a replacement - A huge chance I am going to take, having taken the reps word for it, unable to meet with the person until the day before they are to start, and it is a woman ! Sometimes, one has to follow ones gut feeling, and this is what I am doing ! Risky, but am believing that it is the right thing to do !.

It has taken a while, but we finally seem to have gotten a good team together. From now on, I will refer to the team by their names. Eugene one of the live in's is good ! Knows his spinal stuff, and is extremely thorough - Rumanian, slightly aloof, can be sulky, but I have the utmost faith in his capabilities. I will not bore you with the second live in, as he is to be replaced as per above.

The permanent double up Mon through Fri, is Andreas, an Italian guy, a little difficult  to communicate with, but as thorough as Eugene. He is also as dedicated to my well being as Eugene - perhaps to out spoken, which annoys Eugene, but the two of them actually work well with each other. Given time and the hierarchy that I need to put in place they will be a formidable team.

My permanent double up on the weekend is Rameez. A Muslim guy, who again has dedicated his career to caring. Mon - Fri he works in a caring facility and has been there for a number of years ! In order to pay to further his studies, he works weekends for my care agency. I like him . He loves to break rules, and is always keen to get me out on any exploration that I might have found during the week.

So, as the universe tilts, slowly but surely my support system is falling into place. Hopefully the new live in will work, and then all will be in place.

I have a real busy week ahead - tomorrow my standing frame arrives, Heath and Safty require all carers to be present + care agency supervisor to be signed off. Will then have to do some more work on the Dragon computer program. Wheelchair Services paying a visit to change my wheels, diner with Jen and Tess on Wednesday, bloods on Thursday - thankfully got the doctor to give me the last appointment of the day so that I can at least get some work in !

With every intention of going to the Columbia Road flower market today, I had a call from a friend who said he was going early this morning. I placed my order ! So have my beautiful ' Star-gazers ' in their vases !! Flowers are a MUST !!! Beautiful smells, it is home again !!!

Go well, and love ya all !

G.

Reality sets in !

Being the weekend, and as arranged with the live in Jeeves, I was to sleep in ! Only to be woken around 10 ish ! A small pleasure that I am willing to allow myself ! BUT NO, I awake at 6am, bright eyed and bushy tailed, buzz for Jeeves, and my Saturday begins !!! It is just not fair !!! But again, I just have to be governed by my body clock.all dressed and ready by 8, with nowhere to go.

Having conquered almost all the postal and paperwork, I deside to do the last of the lot - BANK STATMENTS !! ......... Oh dear, reality sets in !!! I might have lost a year to my injury, but bottom line now is that I have not worked for a year, which means I have not earned for a year !! Get real Gavin, where is the next crumb coming from, YOU so need to work now ! - which I am doing, but all on my terms, with the understanding of Jo, who is encouraging me to learn the touch screen computer as well as the Dragon program - unbelievabley good, but hectically insane to grasp at first - it will come, and long term I will master it !

Rameez arrives, totally shocked that I am up and ready for the day. We gotta get you out today he insists - I agree - and am still so interested in the wholesale shop not to far from us - now so budget aware, we set off.

Most disappointing , but will definitely go back for theirs meat. For the rest of it, the " Pound " shop would be better !!! God, who would of ever thought that I would have ever thought ??? Pound Shop ??

But, en route to the bus , we discovered all the arches underneath the railway line, had Saturday markets, where they were at liberty to sell to the public. What a find !!! On my doorstep Nogales ! From free range chickens to Olives, coffee's, cheeses, eggs, you name it ! It is there ! Will defo have to take Tom & Del there. Ben my new best friend, sells olives at the Borough Market, but gives away his olive tins in the form of herb planters rather than re-cycle them. I took two, with the intention of planting Rosemary bushes in them for the winter !

Then, I had to make my way home for the SA vs Wales game ! Sadly SA lost, but there will be more !

And now, as I sit holding a large glass of PG, I bid you farewell !

As always sent with love and good wishes, on-going health, and mending bridges where needed. Just remember that life is precious and tomorrow might be too late !

Love ya all ! Just do it - Nike.

G.

Assessment Done & Dusted ! This Mind of mine HAS to rid this body of this 4 x 4 !

So the hospital gives you a number to call in order for you to arrange transport to the spinal clinic. BUT, what they omit to tell you, is that you need to book it a week in advance - I call the night before, only to be told this ! Great ! I plead, and bargain, to no avail - I even pulled the cripple shit, forgetting that they only patients that they transport are in the similar condition as I am !! Rules are rules, and in this case, NOT to be broken.

So, I am on my own - hectic research on taxi's, busses etc, etc. come to the conclusion that I have to take the Jubilee line, ending in Alcatraz area, then take bus 107, then walk/wheel for 10 minutes through he decrepit hospital up to the spinal unit which was home to me for 6 months of this journey of mine !

Amazing how we think we can control our emotions, but in fact we have really no control at all - the sub-conscience is a wicked part of the mind that needs so much delving into !!

As we entered the ' falling down ', maze of corridors, un-inviting buildings, my stomach churned. I had no idea or control over the pit of doom and gloom that started to fester in my gut !! Was this REALLY where I had stayed, and achieved so much ??? Those small baby steps that seemed at the time to be huge leaps of faith ! The pre-fab buildings, circa World War One, the ever depressing corridors that I hussled and bustled around calling' home '...................

Entering the AMU ward, changed my feelings. Luckily enough to be greeted by some of my favourite nurse - Mark-Adam, Kerry, Florie, Emma and too many more to mention. These are people that saw me at my worst, nursed me through some hell-wrenching times..... God, I miss them, and thanks for the amazing response from all of you !!!! I did have the courage to peak into ' Room 2 ' - What looked like a patient half way between death and re- incarnation was in MY bed, room,space for 6 months !! As they pointed out, that ward will never seem the same without me ! U.S. South Africans who say it like it is !!!!

On to the next appointment , was to be in spinal reception - to be greeted by many a nurse, aid worker, sister etc, etc - Have really had my ego stroked today !! First session with the psychologist, the lovely Helen ! A great half hour of talking crap, knowing full well that she was gonna get nothing but positive energy outa me ! The usual questions of the hardships of reintergrating back into society ! We landed up chatting about the poppies at the London Tower - clean slate !!!

Then, the most daunting to me, was my next appointment with my consultant, who, from the onset had said I was an ' unusual ' case. Loads of questions, loads more questions, and she to, informed me that she would only give her opinion once I had seen the Physio's and OT'S report, however, she was very pleased with my attitude and welcomed the fact that I was so keen to get back into mainstream life. Dismissed like a naughty school kid ! - a happy one though ! Bless her - Angela Gall, and she is going to look into the weight gain !

So my major fear, was in fact the least of my concerns ! Physio's and OT'S should have been my worry ! And here I am wheeling my way through the spinal rehab ward en route to physio assessment. Those all so familia smells of urine, trying to be hidden by chemical bleach, looking into the four bedded wards filled with people far worse off than myself ! The ' Day ' room, chockers with patients trying to get a fork to their mouth, nurses cutting up food and feeding their patients, that smell, that smell, that smell !!! Thank you Lord for that experience, coz a year ago - I was in the same place ! Yes, a year along, albeit with a care package, I am re-introducing myself into this big, wide world, with unbelievable challenges ! Having been given those few minutes of what I have just experienced, makes me more determined to get outa this chair and find my legs again !!!

Down the depressing corridor to the gym, and Physio's I go - another uplifting experience to be greeted like you have no idea. Emma, Sue, Nicks............... These were my contacts to the outside world whilst in captivity, and darling Rachel, who is totally against breaking any rules ! I am immediately ushered off to the kitchen to make my own hot chocolate, a standard set by myself when living there.... No OT unless I had a hot chocolate !

My assessment begins, jokes over, serious business ! It is agreed that the Botox to my LHS is wearing off, Emma tweeks the 4 x 4, and Sue gets on with her assessment. It appears as though my nerve endings have grown, far more muscle movement on the LHS, huge improvement to the clawing hand, and, and, and ! They are suitably impressed. Now await orthotics appointment to be organised by aEmma and a re-Botox appointment ! THEY WANT ME BACK !!.........There is all good positive reasons to want to live again ! There has been improvement and that is the best thing I,could hear. So with a renewed will to conquer this journey that has been dealt to me. I am to continue with the community physio work, and continue with the carers daily excersises. Early in the new year, once the orthotics work and Botox done ( some time in December ), and once a bed is available, I will do a two - three week stint there again with intensive therapy to the LHS.

This I promise you my friend " I will walk again ".

Sent with love, high spirits and big thank you's for you ongoing support ! As always, be thankful for what we have, mend broken bridges, and do NOT look behind you at your shadow - move forwards !!!!!

Love you all.....

G.

Jeeves vs's jeeves's

It's a little like Downton Abbey around here at the mo ! Here I go, delusions of grandeur, but then again, I do have two people in my face 24/7. I know that C, who spent three weeks with me will vouch for me in saying that, I have two people contesting for my full attention day in and day out !

As irritating as it may be, my condition over-rides any delusions of my situation being any other way, and I have to accept that. To re-cap, for those that have just started following my blog, I have two live in carers - alternating on a weekly basis, plus a double up on a daily basis, for 12 hours per day to help the live in's. A care package seldom given, and one I am eternally greatful for !!!!

BUT, there is a hierarchy within the carer circle that until now I was totally un-aware of. Live-in's over rule double up's !!! Big time !!! It is a little like playing Bridge ! Singletons, doubles, Voids, Trumps or No Trumps - options ! Options !, options................

In hindsight, I made the biggest mistake by calling the wrong suit. My wrong suit to call was : " Friendly ", and it has only just manifested itself just prior to my favourite 24/7 change over. I, being myself have been treating all as equal beings, and this morning when the double up arrived and during the an regime I corrected the 24/7 on some small issue........ All hell broke loose !!! Not gonna bore you with the detail, suffice to say that just before handover my favourite 24/7 asked for a private meeting. I knew it was coming as he had had a long face since I had corrected him earlier in the day.

Again, will not bore you with the details, but he chewed my ear off about the above correction, and then pointed out something that C had picked up on, which I never agreed to, but here it came again - from the horses mouth ...... " We are not your friends " we are your carers ! Not to be made friends with, and our job is to serve you in making your life as easy as possible ! - that is what we are paid to do. Then an even bigger clanger...... He asks, do you pay your friends to be your friends ? My mouth drops, but all the pieces suddenly fall into place - these are not my friends, but extra appendages to make my life as normal as possible.

Point taken, no correcting Jeeves 1 in front of double ups, stop treating any of the as mates, and re-take control. Jeeves 1 and I agree that Jeeves 2 ( 24/7 ) needs to go. I need to create a schedule for the double ups to do during the day, and I am to treat all as staff, not colleagues, not mates and deffinitly not friends !!

On reflection, Jeeves 1 is so right. As much as we hate to admit it, or bury our heads in the sand, there will always be a class distinction, or a racial issue, or just a plain hierarchy that is not seen - I for one, did not see this as any kind of issue, but have now learned ! So as of tomorrow, my attitude HAS to change - if the double up is late, report it to the Care company etc etc etc.

With the handover today, I took control again, when asked by Jeeves 2, who was one and a half hours late, what was for diner ? I simply said, my obligation is not to feed you, but to use you to make my life easier....... His face dropped, and off he scurried to the local store to stock up on his own supplies.

It sounds really petty, I know, but in reality Jeeves 1 is so right !

Enough about this small Downton Abbey then ! Am still waiting for my Webber raincoat to arrive, but have braved the shitty London weather without it. Spent a few hours in the office today - STILL trying to Phathom out tha amazing voice recognition program ! Amazing as it is, Jo had to get the top of the range version, which just as you think you are getting the hange of it...... BOOM !!.. It sends a HUGH curved ball !!!! I will conquer it -  come hell or high water !!!! It is great to be going into the office - interacting with the ol' tribe, And of course I do get a little extra care ! Have to give Jo credit for his complete understanding as to weening my way back into the system, together with his understanding of doctors appointments, Physio's etc etc - but with all of this, I do try to get into the office by 10. Most of them oblivious to the fact that I am up by 5 in order to make this possible. Jo does, and says nothing. Good man !!!

Thursday, sees my return to Stanmore / Alcatraz, and a rather extensive re-evaluation of the re-building of my body. Somewhat apprehensive, all I can do is go with an open mind and pray that being on the outside has given forth to improvements with the growth of nerve endings ! This, together with signals from the brain enhancing any kind of improvement will be amazing ! As I keep reminding myself, this is a long process, and after one year..... Just to be given a little encouragement would be a blessing. We are only lent to this world, and any hurdles dealt to us need to be accepted, processed and dealt with accordingly ! HARD, but true ! So, guys spare a thought for me on Thursday, as I want outa this 4 x 4 !

In finishing off, and perhaps a tad selfish for not having mentioned this on the onset, please lift up a prayer for J Da Babe, who left this world last week. A non-judgemental, caring mother of a friend of mine. RIP J.

As always, sent with love and on-going good health !! Let's live life like there is no tomorrow, let's dance like everyone is watching, and let's tell the people that mean a lot to us ! Have NO regrets !

G.

When Rain Reigns !!!

Why is it that during the week, we want more sleep, and on weekends we wake up early and feel all bright eyed and bushy tailed ? Never ceases to amaze me - yesterday morning, awake at 5am, and today at 6. It is pointless staring at the ceiling - did too much of that in hospital. So I ring for Jeeves and the morning routine begins ! Still pitch black outside. Up and ready for the day at 7 & 8 respectively, with nowhere to go !!!!

I haves discovered a wholesale warehouse nearby, and it was Jeeves and my intention to go and investigate today. OH so not gonna happen because it is bucketing down ! We had got caught in a downpour earlier in the week, and it ain't pleasant !, Jeeves trying to hold the umbrella over both of us, as well as keeping an eye on my chair etc, etc. both of us got soaked.

So this morning, I look out the balcony door, AND YES, it is bucketing down again. So I have gone onto the cripple web page and bought the most hideous thing in my entire life - a raincoat, sort of like a poncho thing that fits over me and covers the chair as well. I just know that I am going to feel like a Webber braai, that gets covered when not being used.

So...... Yet another feat to transition - RAIN !! I had not given it a thought, but now am so totally aware of how restrictive it can be. Basically I am now house bound for the day. GREAT !!

Friday was spent at the Wheelchair Services, a 9:30 appointment, which from a one hour session, saw me leaving at 3:30 - As expected, new 4 x 4 ready and waiting with all the parts and specs from Stanmore to be fitted and in theory, I should leave feeling comfortable and properly seated. No, no, no, all fitted and tweeked by the staff, who say that all is good - load of Shyte , backrest wrong, arms incorrectly placed, etc etc - I feel terribly seated and my posture is all wonky !! One amazing thing is, I have had snow tyres fitted to the front wheels - what a difference to the bumpy pavements ! There are two disadvantages, one is the risk of a puncture, and the other is that it chews up the rugs on the floors of the flat. Just have to live with it !

So, with larva lamps glowing, rain dropping , I sit on the balcony now able to count the few orange leaves left on the Maples, wondering what to do with the day. So, before one can ponder, one needs a PG !! Jeeves, I beckon and ask for a large glass !

On that note, I bid you all farewell and a brilliant Sunday .

Sent with love, and on-.going good health.

G.

My Kinda ' Master Chef ' !!!

I have a new name for my 4 x 4 ! For this posting I shall refer to it as the ' Hummer ' - A bulky contraption of a so called 4 x 4, that looks ugly, does not fit into a regular parking space, and the drivers of which tend to think that they have superior rights over any other road users ! - ' Small willy Syndrome ' is how I have always viewed them.. None of the above shall I ever concede to......

However !!!!, en-route home from work this afternoon, and with a renewed sense of zest for life after my doc had given me the good news as posted in my last one, I was contemplating how I can further create independence for myself. COOKING !!! Yes, I loved cooking ! Shyte, where has my mind been ? I have been living on the outside for nearly three months and have not cooked once - relying solely on the Jeeve's ! Puts Meryl Streep to shame in ' Out of Africa ' - A movie I need to download in order to buy on line some of those ' Oh so ' khaki and white linen outfits !!, ordering the servants around, whilst falling hopelesly in love with Africa.............

So, I was to become the Jamie, Heston, or Nigella tonight and whip up a five star meal - HELLO...................... Have you ? Ever tried to chop an onion with one hand ? Peal garlic with one hand ? Pealed a potato with one hand ? .......... I ask no more........... Then I try my hardest to reach the small plate at the back of the stove......... Not gonna happen ! This 4 x 4 has now going to reach Hummer status - just won't fit into the already adapted kitchen ! - I hate it more, which one the one hand ( and I mean literally one hand ! ) gives me more incentive to make the Hummer a more temporary existence than what the doctors predict.

So, good people, how does one then overcome this dilema ?

FIRST, you have Jeeves pour you a large glass of PG, not shaken, not stired, just straight up out of the screw top bottle, that was bought on Tesco's special ! Count to ten, glug one's first gulp, and................... Everything seems to miraculously fall into place.

Here I sit in the Hummer in the middle of the kitchen, giving instructions to Jeeves how to lightly dust the oxtail in flour, prep all the ingredients, brown the meat etc etc etc. Meryl, Jamie, and Heston.....Be very aware ! , chefs do not nessessarily have to do the work ! In fact, I could get quite used to this new found hobby ! Of course the one ingredient sooooooo needed is the PG. The Romanian, Jeeves, is totally aghast that half the hanging herb garden was cut for flavour ! With his dry, but humerous way he refers to the harvest as ' giving the plants a short back and sides '

Anybody up for oxtail ? Just ring - there is enough for an army, and it will slow cook now until tomorrow.

I spent a very pleasant few hours at the office today, most of the people there for a meeting, so the hustle and bustle of people was really great to embrace again. Had quite forgotten just how interaction with other people lifts the soul. Fantastic, humerous, disgusting, enduring bantering between ourselves is quite uplifting ! I have to say, I really only now realised how important those people were / are in my life. And, of course the Hummer cannot get anywhere near the kitchen, so coffee rounds are free for me !

Am off to the wheelchair services tomorrow to have my final chair fitted ! Have been twice since leaving Alcatraz, both times a complete balls up ! Hopefully this time will prove more successful. I am really hoping so, coz next week is my big assesment at Stanmore, and the OT's there can tweek what is needed.

Life is precious, look after it, build bridges coz the rivers may run dry for years but we never know when they might break their banks by over-flowing ! Look after yourselves !!

As always, sent with love and ongoing health.

G.

Ligaments for the legless

After a painful weekend, and an over active imagination, thoughts of back op, traction etc, etc, I sit with a PG in hand, train spotting and sigh a humongous sigh of relief !! Saw the doctor this afternoon who assured me that I did not have a slipped disc !!! Given my injury, the tendency for the muscles surrounding the spine are to generally weaken. This in turn makes the ligaments a tad more vulnerable. I have torn a few ligaments to the lower spine. Ideally, bed rest more often, and very gentle handling by the carers. Definitlly no pain killers - as this will only confuse the brain signals trying to rectify the initial injury recovery. I take solace with knowing that at least there is pain, I am fortunate enough to be feeling that low down the spine, which has been numb before. As they say -       " no pain, no gain " !!!

Perhaps one becomes a little too paranoid about the functions and care needed after SCI, but it is soooo drummed into you during rehab that it can become a major issue in your life. I will never forget the words that Chrissy so often said to me - " don't get bogged down with it all " The best and most informative  words I keep reminding myself !

So, my friends, this might be a short posting, but one just to keep you in the loop, a loop called ' the circle of life '

Sent with love and on-going health !!

G.

The Cripple Buddha - have you seen him ?

So, what am I supposed to do ? Give up booze, start smoking pot, and then call myself Hare Krishna?
( no offence to the Krishna gang )!. My last blog was so self centred, self absorbed and sooooo out of sync with what life deals us. For that, I apologise , and in hindsight , regret any negativity that it might have caused you ! This is my life , awaiting any changes that befall me , and I need to embrace them , accept them , and process them. This I do through this blog , in the hopes that if only, and I mean if only one person can gain insight, knowledge , and an understanding of the fact that life is fragile - I would have achieved something !

As long as we believe in a higher being, we are able to conquer anything dealt to us. God always gives His hardest fight to his strongest soldiers ! Buddhist philosophy maintains that every hurdle brings you closer to inner peace, and should be handled in a calm, peaceful manner ! I am at a loss as to most of the eastern beliefs, but did witness , on Sky ,  a mother and father giving their account of how their son converted to Islam and then was beheaded. The grief and heartache unbelievable !! And here we are sweating the small stuff again ! Make peace with the living, or forever hold regrets !

Lecture over - NIKE - Just do it !!

Ok, so on a more cheerie note, every chicken in the UK is running around with their arse-hole wrapped around their giblets ! Much the same as Paris Hilton and her rug rat ! Yes, yes, yes..........it has been discovered that ' bird flu ' has invaded a certain part of England ! News breaking stuff ! I am gonna make it my mission to eat as much poultry as I can ! Thousands dying from Ebola , in the east at war, etc, etc, BUT......... Huge debates on which chickens can or cannot be eaten ! I say gas the lot of them and make feather boa's out of them. I mean, I would far rather have on my death certificate : Cause of death : ' Mad cow disease ' than, ' Bird Flu ' - far to sexist !! Can you just picture all the hens
sitting in one half of the barn, asking..... " who sneezed ? "

Some feedback as to my last panic attack, spoke with all the relevant doctors today, have an appointment booked for tomorrow late afternoon, and there is no need for concern ! So it will be off to work I go in the morning, to build up the hours and then see the doc in the evening. Trust, and all will be OK.

In finishing up, and I have been meaning to post this, a few weeks ago, ferreting around the underground, looking for lifts to get you to ground level , we find one. What you gotta understand is, that it makes no difference how deep you are - the lift goes from platform level, to exit level - no inbetweens, no aboves, no below's........ An elderly lady squashes herself in prior to doors closing ! Hand trolly et Al, and she precedes to push ground level - she then leans over to me and asks ' you alright luv ? ' I, with a dead pan face answer, ' yes luv, would you please push for the 10th floor '
She stares, and stares, and stares again at the control panel - then answers, ' Sorry luv, you must be in the wrong lift '

Sent with love, and ongoing health.

G

Life can be unfair !

It is amazing how life can deal one a blow when one does not need it ! I have done, as closely as possible, all the things that Alcatraz has taught me ! The nightly turning, pills on time, positioning in bed etc etc etc !

Today I wake up unable to move again ! Unbelievable pain from my lower back. SO confusing, coz I should be extatic that I am able to feel that low of my spine, but unable to comprehend the pain. Gently being moved around by my carers, it appears that one of my lower discs has dislodged !! This will now mean a doctors appointment, to be referred to Stanmore again ! Not what one needs ! I have done so well so far !! Slow, and I mean very slow regime to get me ready for the day !

Being a Sunday, nothing I can do until tomorrow. Once up in the chair, I feel no pain ! It all makes no sence, as in theory my compressed spine should emphasise the pain - I am most comfortable ! I just do not get it - but as I keep affirming, never expect and you can never be disappointed !

Just have to believe that all will be ok !

Love you, and apologies for off-loading ! Posted with love and ongoing health !!

G.

Just how long does a body need ?

My last posting envolved the starting of work again. Perhaps, I have never comprehended exactly how much of a beating this body of mine has taken ! Day 1, started with the usual morning regime, but for the first time, working against the clock in reality, in order for me to be ready to go by 8am. Mission accomplished - already exhausted, we se off to fight our way through peak hour transport - a nightmare !!! - and now even more exhausted ! - and we still have not even reached the office.

Finally arrive...... Jo & Tobes there to help with the maneuvering advise for the 4 x 4. My desk is now the highest in the office to accommodate my chair. A couple of hours later, cannot concentrate, feel tired and call for Jeeves to collect me. Home, and straight to bed - totally knackered !!! Thursday and Friday exactly the same ! But did push myself each day to build hours and remind the bod that this is what is to happen in order to gain more independence, and normality. I get extremely frustrated with the brain messages not getting through, but as Alcatraz said, time, time, time !

Totally unexpected , whilst C was here and taking him to a few of the contemporary furniture shops, I came across this floating wall desk. Chuffed as chips I bought it. Rameez, with his handyman skills, and his good drilling skills mounted it ! So I will be able to work from home as well as from the office - easiest is gonna be from the latter !!

Go Bokke !!! We won !!! Yeeeeeeehiiiiiiii !

To crown it all and finishing up ! I had a call today from the supplier of a standing machine - applied for via Stanmore Physio's ! - only to be told that it could take up to 12 months to get right ! The call was to inform me that the funding had been approved, and delivery date scheduled for 01 December !

I can only be happy !!!!

Sent with love, and ongoing good health ! Love ya all !

G.

Huge hurdle - Work starts ! - Thanks Jo.

All praise and thanks has to go to Jo, former boss, friend and now boss again ! And still friend, he, throughout my stay in Alcatraz always referred to my coming back to Genesis once on the "outside".
Continually referring as to how the office would be adapted to incorporate my 4 x 4, and as to how I could function with one hand and be as effective as before. To begin with, if I have to be honest, I thought it was more of a ploy to encourage me with my rehabilitation and on-going quest to recovery.

So wrong I was !!! , Discovering that on release, the Genesis team had transferred my somewhat bleak abode into a far more homely abode with all the personal touches - lamps, candles, pot plants, flowers etc etc etc - once again guys, THANK YOU !! And, without any pressure, Jo simply said
' Let me know when you are ready to come back to work '

The first month after discharge, was coming to terms with the realization that I had to get used to the Jeeves's 24/7, together with an added double up person every day to help the Jeeve's on duty !! A feat thought to be easy, however, quite grueling to set up routines and regimes in order to maintain as best possible a life as prior to my injury. This took much longer than I had expected, and gladly, after two months we have settled into quite a streamlined regime ! A big thanks too, to C, who spent a couple of weeks here and had all the ' staff ' jumping, and getting small, but relevant things in order ! Thanks C, ...............and I notice that the toaster is being turned upside down over the sink every day :)  :).

Sooooooo, having gone the long way around, I found myself being ready for the day by 8am, all dressed up, and nowhere to go ! Sitting in the patio / lounge doorway sipping copious amounts of coffee and having the odd cigg. Yes cigarette !! Making any kind of menial chore to be FAR bigger than it was ! Buried myself in paperwork and shit, but anything to prevent me having to venture out. Again, thanks to C, he was having none of this, and as I mentioned in my last blog, he was inspirational in re-introducing me into everyday life - albeit in a 4 x 4 !!

So, there are a few choices here , stay indoors and become reclusive, grasp the day and hit the streets, or find work again !!! The easiest is to become a recluse !, hitting tha streets does not pay the bills, OR go back to work ?

I have chosen the third option - Thank you Lord !, probably the hardest choice, but I HAVE to beat this chair with my ongoing quest to find my legs again !

One call to Jo, he comes over for a coffee and we chat, arbitrary crap to begin with, then the real stuff about my return to Genesis - he simply says " when do you want to come back " I say Wednesday ! He says " Great ", see you Wednesday ! Suddenly, the realization hits me !!! Oh shit ! What about the paperwork ? What about this and that etc etc - Reality check !! Get back into mainstream Mullen !!.
Paperwork sorted within one day, clothes sorted same day etc etc etc - this I can do, I keep reminding myself ! Work is Wednesday !!

With less than a week, calls from Jo for measurements , heights of 4 x 4, etc etc. I question nothing and allow my universe to tilt as much as it wants to get back into some kind of REAL life. Jeeve's responsibility is to see me to and from the office - I arrive ! I have been moved from my old position to the end of the office, desk tweeted to incorporate my 4 x 4, still needs some more tweeking, done, and here I am sitting back in the office one year up the line !! Toby at the ready for any adjustments, together with his wonderful sense of humour with regards the cripple ! Justin plugging away at his key board, Eileen at her station, full of flu - so I won't allow her near me, Jo trying his best to accommodate me ! Then Connie makes an appearance, hugs, welcomes me back, Marcio ( Spelling ) arrives - his wife has baked a beautiful cake, plus condensed milk cup cakes ! And Umit arrives with flowers ! Jo has given me a touch screen computer together with a voice recognition program - So this tetraplegic can now do what I used to do by just speaking !! Yes - for real !!

So, yet another hurdle conquered - defying the stats of SCI people not wanting to go back to work !
At the end of the day, if one can get back to as normal a life style as before ones injury just do it !

As always, sent with love and on-going health ! I feel real again .... Thanks Jo !

G.

Year two begins !........

As I sit looking at my amazing hanging garden of herbs and Cyclamins, gathering energy from the colour and the fact that we are able to cook with fresh herbs, sipping on a well brood cuppa coffee, makes me wonder just how lucky I am !! Yes, the Maples that block out the view of the rail track are fast dropping their leaves, and daily the track seems to get closer and the train noise seems louder ! It gives a new perspective on the movie " Train Spotting " - a movie that if I remember back, I think Ewan Mc Greggor starred in. Rather than take the heroine route, I take solace for having watched these trees change in colour from their emerald greens through their lovely oranges and browns as they to prepare for the winter that has come around too soon !

Even the warehouses, so neatly placed under the arches of the train track seem to loom closer and closer - again, rather than complain, I am looking at it and thinking how lucky I am to be surrounded by life on the outside - there is life to be embraced out there rather than become reclusive !!. I can proudly say that I no longer have that fear of the intimidation originally felt on leaving Stanmoe.

A big thanks to Cyril, who had no "fear" of challenging any route through the streets of London. His patience far out weighed mine, and from that I learned how to simply laugh at the small hurdles that can actually become major issues to a chair user - Again, breaking all the rules so inherently drummed into us at Alcatraz. Thanks C. For the laughs, pain-staking routes of the underground, to the reorganising of restuarants seating arrangements in order to accomadate my 4 x 4 !

One huge realisation came in the form of being the Center of abuse from a drag queen show at the infamous Molly Moggs ! The people were not laughing at me, but rather laughing with me. An attitude once adopted, eases the self consciousness and rather boosts one confidence. I now no longer apologise for people having to move on trains and busses etc etc, but rather believe in my mind that I have just as much right as them - it's just that I take a little more space !

We had booked a lunch venue at one of Jamie Oliver's restuarants in Piccadilly - none of us enquiring as to accessibility !!! Something that should now become as a matter of course for myself. Bang !, we arrive and.............Five steps up !!. Initially note to self was to castigate JO, but the helpful staff re-directed us a mere 100 meters around the corner to Jamie Oliver's Italian - no steps, lift to the first floor, unbelievable staff and an amazing lunch - a must do !

I cannot praise the " Next " stores on Oxford Street - jam packed with merchandise and absolutely no consideration for chair users. Rather indignant staff to boot ! I will never support them again and I encourage people in the same condition to do the same.

My local pub is called " The Gregorian ". A Tudor styled building, quite inviting, but bloody depressing on the inside ! Typical English pub, probably has not been decorated since it opened, but has a ramp and the most obliging people to help with opening and holding doors open for me to get in. I might be being a little harsh on the place, but the beer is always cold, and the wine is NOT out of a box !

Separating my block and The Greg, is The St James church. Sunday's are supposed to be sleep in days ! OH NO..........the bells start at 7 and stop at around 12 !!!!. So the choices I have are - Trains, Warehousing , or Bells ! Gotta be thankful for any choices - that's London living !

So as I ease into my second year of recovery, I have loads to be thankful for :
I have my head - no grey matter affected ! So I can communicat.
I have my eyes - so I can see - visualise.
My speech is perfect - again I can communicate
I have feeling on my right hand side ! - and my right hand is functioning - therefore I can type.
My right leg is semi- functional - trying hard for the left leg to accept signals from the brain !
And there is a glimmer of hope for my left arm ! - some hope is better than no hope !

In going forward with this renewed enthusiasm to find my legs again, I urge you all to take a minute or two to appreciate what life has given us. Mend bridges keep moving forward - don't let the shadows overtake you.

As always, posted with love, and on-going health !!!

G

My first year anniversary

Today, one year ago, doctors gave me 72 hours to live ! - 72 hours on, and having mobilised my family to gather around the bed in anticipation of my demise ........... I kept on breathing !! Although I am still certain that I " died " during that initial 72 hour window period, here I am lying in an induced coma - very vague memories of familiar voices around me, and not quite grasping where ? when ? why ? .............. But loving the DRUGS being administered to hold me in a state of complete limbo !

Next thing I know, is possibly a reversal drug administered to bring me out of the induced coma ! SHIT !!! I have " made " it !! Again, vague recollection of familiar voices, vague recollection of nurses, doctors and nurse aides hovering around pulling and pushing pipes, tubes, and IV drugs, and then a doctors voice telling me that I had had a SCI - was paralysed from the head down - prognosis.....we just have to wait and see................ Then to be told by the consultant that a blood thining agent had been wrongly administered and that had caused the paralysis. Oh great !!!!

So here I lie ( a complete mop ), head movement only, trachea in place, and assistant breathing apparatus. Let me die, let me die, let me die......... Is all I can think ! Coupled with th NON-Reasurrance from the medical staff of any form of recovery !!! Nobody can explain the frustration of wanting your eye-brow scratched when you are unable to communicate !! Unless you have been in this position !

ONE year later..........I sit in my own apartment, yes, in a wheelchair ! , but with a functional right hand side, and working on the left hand side via intensive physio etc etc. Unbelievable carers and starting work next week. Life deals us various hurdles that need to be challenged !, Argued !, and either grasped and accepted or on the contrary left to allow all the negativity in , and not to be faced !

I chose to face my hurdle, and beat it head on .......... A choice often willing to revert to the first instance..... It is the easier of the two evils ! But NO, people, no hurdle is insurmountable ! No problem in life is too big to resolve - we have friends, acquaintances, social media etc etc to reach out to for help ! Trust me, it works !!

I have rehabilitated to half a mop ! I love the analogy of the mop - said and meant in jest as well as in reality. Half a body is better than no body ! Stop sweating the small stuff, and concentrate on all factors in your life that are positive - It works.

In closing, and after one year, I am thankful for the slow but persistent changes in my body, I am thankful for the partial re-functioning of my right hand side, I am thankful for the energy that I have for the , hopeful regaining of my left hand side of the body. No matter what beliefs you have, trust in your higher powers !

Always remember, one NEVER knows what lies around the corner !

Love yourself, love others - and tell them that. Repair damaged relations, look after yourself, and never forget that we all fall into the " Why not me ? " category.

As always, sent with love, and good onward energy ! Not at all meant as a lecture - move forward and the shadows will never overtake !

Love

G

XXX

When Reality Sets In ...........

Hi again, and apologies for the wide gap in blogging ! Cyril arrived last Friday, and we have been on the go every day !! For the first time since leaving Alcatraz , I finally realised what they meant about the protective bubble bursting once leaving the cocooned environment offered by the instition called Stanmore.

Having been released now for 6 weeks, I have busied myself with reems of paperwork which accumulated over the months of my hospitalization. Not really venturing to far away from home. Relying heavily on the Jeeve's to do petty chores such as posting letters, buying milk etc etc. the reality being that my sub-conscience was not wanting me to face the everyday ups and downs, together with the frustrations of being wheelchair bound ! - My bubble soon to be burst !!!

Friday was spent crisscrossing London in search of " The Vic " bar - from Eastenders - Yes, can you believe it ..... C is an avid fan of this soapy ! To no avail, and only to find out that the bar is fictitious ! Built inside the filming studio - So....... That was all kind of a wast of time, but we did get to see some parts of London that I had never been to, most of them that I don't want to see again !

Saturday we met up with Nic & Graham in Kingston for lunch on the river. As always, plenty of laughs, fantastic food, and plenty of Pinot Grigio ! With Nic monitoring my every sip ! And making sure that I was sipping from my water bottle at regular intervals ! She has become my " outside mother ", very protective of my wellbeing, and I love it !


A very well attended flower market, unyet loads of Londoners don't know about it is the Columbia Road flower market. I stand to be corrected, but I believe it is one of the oldest markets in London. A heaving mass of people bartering with the sellers for various bunches of blooms ! A gem of an experience, coupled with numerous eclectic, cafes who put tables and chairs out on the pavements !

One can spend the day just people watching, with buskers plying their CD's. Sadly, being in a chair
renders it almost impossible for me to negotiate the small road with heaving masses of people. My only option is to sit at a pavement cafe and have Jeeve's running backwards and forwards with bunches of flowers for my approval ! AGAIN, it dawns on me just how restrictive it is in a chair ! I do not like this, and check to self - harder work with physio's, in my quest to walk. With heaps of flowers and Cyclomine plants to replace the herbs that are slowly dying as the winter creeps in, we hail a cab to get us home - pure bliss, as the cobbled streets play havoc with my spasms, which makes me contort and twist much like Uri Geller's ( spelling ? ) spoons !!!


Another realisation of my restrictions came when we made our way to a show in the west end last night. Oh Soho, Soho, a stomping ground of brilliant restuarants, bars and sex shops. A part of London that has tourists just HAVE to see. One of the gay capitals of the world ! Anything, and I mean anything goes ! Drag queens, out on the streets waiting to perform their acts in dingy bars, a
diverse mixture of street sweepers to doctors and lawyers ! Punks to conservative accountants ! A part of the city that never sleeps !!! Some very fond memories of some very enjoyable times, Sharron and Errol, Heidi, and Cindy etc etc where we have celebrated birthdays in these buzzy bars and shows - in the days of legs !

So as I manoeuvre my chair down the drag, cursing and swearing at the cobbled pavements, some ramps at the intersections, some not, the realisation again sets in ! I long for my legs ! Most of the bars are not chair friendly, and to be honest, I notice that there is not another person in a chair ! The stares, re-organisation of furniture to get into the bars that don't have steps etc etc etc - makes me more determined to find my legs again !!

Miss Siagon - A must to see ! I had seen this 20 odd years ago, but with a completely different take
this show is outstanding ! Do go and see it !!! One advantage, is that the only seating available for wheelchairs is in one of the side boxes - amazing show, amazing position......Go and see it !

Then on a more somber note, a few of you might remember Colin, Colin du Plessis, a man who gave of his time whilst Jan, Cyril and myself tried to set up a food market in Durban. He gave unconditional support and helped all of the stall holders, making burgers, boerie roles, helping with the coffee making etc etc etc. unfortunatly and very unexpectantly passed away yesterday. May he rest in peace.

As always, this blog is written with love and hoping that we can all be thankful for what we have. Remember that we are only lent to this world and none of us knows what awaits us around the corner. Look ahead, be compassionate, and most importantly be yourself.

XXX

G.

Wheels an' Thanks !

Well the trip to Wheelchair Services was a waste of time ! Really pisses on my battery as my new chair was supposedly going to be A1 and I was to walk / wheel out of there feeling grand ! ,!,.....Well no thanks, spoke with technitions and NO , they agreed that it would be in my best interest to leave with what I have apposed to the manipulated, so called chair - Stanmore OT's are gonna bE livid !!!!. So that out of the way, and new parts on order, we wait another 6-8 weeks !!! Time and 'elf n Safty are one in all and need to be respected here ! God if only they knew how we have defied the rules
. So bottom line, I remain with the half built chair that was delivered on discharge. I can live with that !  Coz, I have to !!!!!! The pains of a crip, slide gently into a whiter shade of pale !.

Now that I am on the outside, and slowly getting to terms with real life in a chair, there are so many people that deserve thanks beyond words ! My folks who, for 2 months kept my excersises going, everyday massaged my awfully skinny legs, continually re-assuring me that things would be ok in the end ! At their age, they should not have had to endure the trauma that I caused them ! Thanks D &D - Lintz cockiest will forever be a reminder of those dark days of " no-body " quite knows where I will land up. Is it neuro or is it spinal ???

The numerous prayer chains around the world - How can I thank you ? Apart from saying THANK YOU !! !  My good friend Jen, who also made it her mission to see me every weekend ! Thanks Jen,
who kept me in grapes for the week, as well as chockolate - a psassion I soooooo was not to eat - love you Jen ! I will  never eat a slab of chockie again without thinking of you. Cadbury mates for life ! Grapes I will never eat again !!! .

My darling ditsy Shesh, who came to encourage me whenever she could get away ! Thank you my Shesh for many a fabulous visit to the dismal ward that eventually became home to me !! Love you Shesh !!

 Then there is Nic and Graaaaahm !, my cousins that visited every weekend, bar 2 when they had to take up a hotel gift from their kids, and the other , when there was no transport. A bond formed that nobody will ever be able to crack ! Love you both !! And Thank you !!! Sunday's just don't feel the same anymore - but they will.

In no particular order, as I am sure you will understand, as I am typing with one finger and remembering as I go - there is Jo and Justin, and the Genisis team, who transformed my basic home into a perfectly liveable homely pad ! Adding that touch of " lived in " feeling ! Together with the unspoken deed that Jo did ! No amount of thanks could ever show the appreciation I have for them. But, I thank you all the same ! Gods blessings !

My good friend of at least 30 years, Peter, who together with the rest, made it his mission to see me as often as possible ! Often to be rejected by the nursing staff or myself saying go away ! Peter, you are a legend ! Love you, and thank you for your continual positive nature that definitely rubbed off on me !

Then there are the friends that visited when they could ! Much appreciated ! Again, thank you for your  input, and positive gestures !

The staff, nurses, and all Involved at Stanmore, need recognition for their total dedication ! Love, and miss you all - but sooooo happy to be on the outside !

Forgive me if I have forgotten to mention you in this blog , I will boil it down to a stroke and loss of memory ! Hope you can do the same :)  As always, love you, and remember to thank God for all small mercies !!

G.

Weeks or weaks ?

As I ease gently into the week, maintaining the morning regime, and handling the Jeeves handover to be a constant for every Monday morning ..... Please God, can this just go smoothly every Monday ? Far too much testosterone with these change overs. Jeeves 1 ( 24/7 ) handing over to Jeeves2 (24/7 ) and the ' I know better ' attitude starts to get on my nerves !!! I show my irritation in my voice - just get going with all of it, and let's get on with it !!!

Unfortunatley, the second Jeeves is gonna have to be replaced - I have given him a chance, consulted with the agency, and have made up my mind !. Having taken control of my care, and being so reliant on these two carers, I am still having to direct the regime to him. Sounds like I am trying to justify my thought process - not intended, and will do what my gut tells me to do. ( It has never let me down before. )

Tomorrow is another big day for me. Have a final appointment with Wheelchair Services, who have called to say that the parts on order have arrived. Final fitting ! One step closer to getting my chair as close to the specs that Stanmore created for me. Thankfully I have a meeting with the OT's and Physio's on Monday, with Stanmore, to make final tweeks to make my chair as user friendly as possible. Then it is on to physio in the local community with the neuro physio ! So looking forward to being up on my feet again ! Will give you a rundown on how it goes !

Until then good people, I bid you a good night, and as always, be greatful for what we have.

With love.

G.

Pavement special !

With the PG wearing off by mid morning on Friday, I ease gently into finding out where ? What ? How come ? Various oddities applied for in order to make daily living more bearable. It turns out to be a " to do " day and with the help of my double up, phillopino guy that threw his toys at the doctors the previous week ! Bless him, Rod is the English name I have for him ! He responds to it and giggles every time I call him for whatever menial task required.

Whhheeeerrrreeeee is Jo freedom paaas ? He asks. I don't know I respond. Give meeee da foil, he says. " Foil " I ask - we ain't cooking here I retort - working out that he is requesting the file with all the application corrospondence ! He gets on the fone, has the whole of London counsil, tracking my pass - with his broken English, he manages to rattle everyone's cage with threats about abuse !, non- conformity, and social injustice !!! - my pass was delivered Saturday morning. I like Rod !!!

He had earlier, during morning regime, asked Jeeve's 1for " Da crem " E45 moisturising cream, imperative for skin care of a spinal cord injury - my skin is like paper-thin, and Jeeve's 1 says that there is a little left in the container. " Dat noot agkceptible " how da patient seposed toooo liv witout crem ? " I intervene and inform that it is on the shopping list and tesco will be delivering later today. Mumble jumble hissing under his breath !

So, back to the paperwork, he snatches the doctors info out of the foil, gets on the blower to the doctors rooms, and adds it to the script list ! No kidding, this half pint has clout !! About an hour later, door bell goes, doctors delivery of E45 cream - I like Rod !!! Jo sav niiiirrrrly fiv poounds if doctor supliiiiies !

We plough through the last of the paperwork, save for my late submission of last taxes. I have methodically waded through the reems of corrospondence, and have been in touch with HRM revenue services, and am awaiting the form to absolve me of the penalties for late payment etc etc - they have been extremely helpful ! Rod says " lit meeee av a go " I decline, and for want of taking the pressure off myself, kinda thought might just " piss on their batteries " This one, I tell him, I will handle!!

The rest of the afternoon is spent reorganising cupboards, shelves and laundry - phillopino style ! Complete shambles created into a rigid, orderly fashion in no time ! I like Rod !!! I now know why the primary Jeeve's don't like him - he is fast, efficient, and extremely verbal.

Roll on Saturday, my other favourite double up for weekends is Rameez, a forward thinking, gentle soul, who I am able to have the most interesting discussions with ! We banter about his Muslim beliefs as apposed to my Buddhist theories. I have an ongoing argument that I embrace the idea of death whereas he just needs a hoodie, back-pack, and he is gonna meet the 40 virgins ! Hello !!

So, Rameez asks " when was the last time you left the apartment ? " ...... I answer, and he says, right, we are gonna dress you up warmly and I am taking you on a tour of the area ! I do not resist, as it is slowly becoming apparent to me, that it is just toooo much of a planning thing to go out ! Not good !,

We dress up, and off we head into the nearby neighbourhood ! As he so wisely put it " you can travel the world and see nothing, but you can walk around the block and see everything " how wise !!!!!
I am now adopting this approach with every sphere of my life, and I encourage you to do the same ! Think about it, embrace it, accept it, and open your eyes to the closeness around you as apposed to looking beyond the achievable - Be Real with yourself ! I am only on day 2 of it, and you would be amazed !

I live in the shittest neighbourhood when it comes to pavement scoops, cobbled streets and pavements ! No pressure relief for my bum needed for at least two days. We fight our way around the streets, breaking all the rules again for wheelchair maintenance ! Market we were searching for - closed ! High street shops all closed ! But we were out and about, and that is good for recovery !!

Jeeve's 1, allowed me to sleep in this morning - huge privilege, but by living 50 meters away from a cathedral has its cons ! Bells, bells, bells ......... Until 12 noon ! , no sleep in had !!!!!!!!! But stayed in bed until 10. I was meeting N & G at the local pub for lunch - great afternoon. So tonight has been, X Factor and now Downton Abbey !,,

Sleep tight all,

With love

G.

Wine and then Whine !

So I get a text from JJ yesterday, saying that she has a serious amount of fresh pasta that needs cooking, and that diner was needed at number 9 ( that is my apartment ). She would like to bring it over and cook up a storm with all the ingredients that are well past their " sell by dates ", a fabulous trick we had when we shared " digs " together, was to throw it all into the hotpot and make a stew ! Always turned out fantastically well and we would revel in the fact that we had saved a buck by using the hotpot ! - God , I think we both miss those days !!! But, as life throws its inexplicable hurdles at you, you just get on with it, and as my good friend Jo says " deal with it "

She arrives very flustered as on leaving home, realises that Mike has taken the car to rugby practice, and she now has to take public transport ! Yes PUBLIC transport as in one stop on the tube - HELLO
- not even during peak time !!! Ma'daaaam is NOT used to this. But has no option !! En route I get a text to say that she has invited the Yank, and that Mike will join us later - after practice.

We catch up on all the ag...... Prior to anybody arriving, BUT, how does one do that ?............ First, you pour yourself a large glass of PG ( Pinot Gricio ), then all the ag flows !!! How do you cook ?........ Secondly you pour yourself a second large glass of PG, to get the culinary skills going ! All the while Jeeves hovering in the background waiting in anticipation for dishes to wash !

By the time diner is cooked, many a PG, consumed and life is once again beautiful !!!!,  we have sorted out the Syria shit, the monetary state of the world etc etc etc - oh how great to re-create old times in my pad as apposed to being in 97 ! My friend, flat mate, and possibly the one person that knows me best is her ol' self and happy to be utilising what is available to cook with - no le crouset pans here !!! Basic copper bottomed pots will just have to do.

Jeeves, still hovering, and is most concerned about the fact that guests need to be served a dessert, in true Romanian fashion, has whispered to me on two occasions that there are not enough bowls to serve the ice-cream !!! He is most indignant when I say to him, well we will just have to put the ice-cream in the centre of the room, and all eat out the tub ! Funny how things pan out in life - I cannot, and will not, sweat the small stuff - if they are friends, they would eat out the tub ! Agreed ?

As life takes it........ Nobody wanted dessert, coz, nobody was offered it - that double clotted cream, ice-cream is ear marked for Tom, anyway !! So, let's have another PG.........

By 11:30, I tell all to please go home...... My 4 x4 has becomes an 8 x 8, speech is a little slurry, and the hoist seems to be a bit like the bungee jump off the Vic Falls bridge ! I ask Jeeves to put me to bed. As servants do he obliges, positions me correctly, gives me all the gadgets to boot, switches off the light and says " see you at 6 " I slide gently into lala land.

6am Comes far to quickly !!!!! The Jeeve's have been given STRICT instructions that there is absolutely no deviation from the morning regime ! Under NO circumstances are we to alter the morning schedule that I have put into place.

I ' buy' myself 1 hour - Jeeves long faced and unimpressed says he will allow me until 7 to gather any kind of normal senblance and that is IT ! At 7, there is NO abating - Jeeves is there to start the day, readying me for so called work !

I feel like shit ! Excersizes begin, legs won't bend, spasms uncontrollable, and absolutely no sympathy from Jeeves ! We have a schedule now and I was lucky enough to buy an extra hour of sleep. That's it !! Fare play to him, with lots of whinging and whining, morning excersises, completed and the regime continues ! Me like a bear with a sore head - looking for any excuse to bellow at him ! By now the double up has arrived, and everything runs smoothly, much to my horror !! Ready by 8am !!!

Note to self - PG in moderate amounts, and when JJ says she is coming for din's, make sure she is gone by 9 !!

As always,  be greatfull for what we have, be it family, friends, health or wealth. Nothing can go with us.. And remember that nothing is everything !

Love ya

G.

Taking control - has worked !!

The new morning regime seems to be panning out quite well !, The carers, and the double ups appear to like the more formal structure put in place by myself. The day begins at 6am, starting with excersises, bowel care and by 7, the double up arrives to assist with hoisting, showering and then dressing - enabling myself to be ready to leave the apartment by 8. Although there is nowhere to be leaving to, if we can achieve this after such short a period, by the end of the month the whole process should be streamlined enough for me to be going to work with as little stress as possible knowing full well that there is plenty time to get there ! I like this, and so do the carers ! Pity it was not summer, but hay-ho, that is the way it is !

At last, my taxi card application was approved, and card arrived in the post. I won't waste time in explaining the benefits thereof surfice to say that it allows me to book cabs suitable to accomodate my chair, am allowed a maximum of 3 guests to travel with me, and I pay £2,50 for the trip, and the council picks up the balance of the fare ! Very, very clever ploy to encourage getting out and about,coz, as Alcatraz said - it is very easy to become a recluse as any outing requires such planning and sorting, that it is easier to just at home. I am determined NOT to be one of those !!!!!! Used the service to go to Physio - Again, pleasantly hoisted into standing position, still a long way to go but inch by inch the progress continues !! Sadly, with extra binding around the mid rift prompted extra pressure to the bowels, and after 20 mins.........they had had enough and discided to make themselves known !!!! - Physio cut short and off to one of the well equiped bathrooms for the nescessary.........

Had the district nurse over this afternoon to change my supbrapubic cathater - a procedure that I have not had since being in Alcatraz, slightly nerve wracking as it entails precise and accurate movements - deflating a balloon inside the bladder in order to pull out the tube, then inserting the new cathater,
and re-inflating a new balloon - all to be done in literally seconds to avoid the site closing.... Which would mean hospitalisation to get sorted ! No need ......... Darling Annabel, the district nurse, now nicknamed ' Darling ' was brilliant ! Done in minutes, perfect fit, no need to worry - all water works
working and tested ! Note to self - Darling will visit every 6 weeks to do the same thing.... No need to worry !!!!!

TOMORROW : ( Thursday )

I had had a call from the Southwark Council, needing to inspect the property as well as doing an appraisal on myself as to weather or not I qualify for a Council tax reduction ! A service offered to the disabled - BUT, with all the cuts in benefits etc, they now seemingly need to inspect and check up on all those claiming to be " disabled ". So with my best cripple look - in chair, both hands and arms in splints, Jeeves opens the door to let the inspector in and escorts him into the lounge where I am. I say " Good morning, I would get up and shake your hand, but it is a tad difficult as I am paralised, and my hands are in splints !! " He takes one look at me and asked if he can look around. This takes exactly 2 minutes and he returns to me in the lounge - " All ok ? " I ask, and he says that all criteria have been met, and he will submit his report suggesting " No tax applicable ". Let's hope he gets that right ! So what was supposed to have been a " 30 minute " appointment was done and dusted in about 5 minutes.

Got to get to signing out now as Jeeves 2 has come through to me to remind me that it is feet therapy time again. Part of the new structure in place is for the double up to do three foot massages per day. He has found me some " guru juice " from the Philopino shop, which claims to have magical power of all sorts - I will experiment with anything, and with the Physio's good order-ahead !, I get to have three soothing massages per day - amazing way to stimulate better blood flow on the left hand side.

As always, be thankful for what we have. Live, love, laugh, and be positive in going forward with life. Don't forget, if you looking at the shadows behind you, you are not going forward !!

Love ya,
G

Pig headed, Bone head, Air head, or Cock head ?

Well the new morning regime has begun !!! Carers not happy with the new regime - I , do not care ! It is time to take control again and as I previously said, this ' getting ' independence is of utmost importance to the recovery of functionality. Jeeves 2 ( 24/7 ) arrives for handover and is totally confused with the hive of activity. It is working - we managed to reduce the process by 45 minutes..... Both Jeeves 1 and the double up carer seem utterly exhausted and both of them slide away into their quarters with a strong cup of coffee.

It is imperative that we get this right in going forward to enable me to be readied to leave home at around 8 to get to work. With the approval of Stanmore, normal duties for work as of 1st November, seems like another release from Alcatraz ! Funny how, almost exactly 1year has past, and I am abled enough to resume working life ! - God, how different I must seem !!! - He obviously has a plan for me, as questionable as it might be !

As explained to me at Alcatraz, various changes would start once released - sounded all so foreign at the time, but ohhhhhhh how true ! Tiny steps forward....... Jeeves 1 noticed that my feet had started to sweat, then my left ear has started to gain some feeling, and according to stats I should not sweat below my injury - in essence, my head only, well be that as it may, YES, my head sweats hence the title of this blog ............ Definitly not a Cock-head, but rather a Sweat-head !! Gotta be one for the book - a whole chapter on " Heads ".........Does that not open up pages of literature to work on ? ..............Knysna Heads, Head-buts, Head-aches, Head-winds, Heads-up, Heads-or-tails etc etc etc etc.....will definitely have to work on that !

Trying desperately to catch up on the news, have Sky news blabbing on in the back-round, thanks to Jo for setting it all up !! And by all accounts, can be greatful that I don't have the Ebola virus.......Well am I ????

As always, be greatful for small mercies ! Love you loads and be in touch ! Responses soooooo appreciated . Take care and be as responsible as your HEAD allows.

With love.

G.

First reality check !

Ok, ok , ok......... My bubble slightly shattered, but, hell, I think I can cope. A follower of mine messages me to say..." Well Gavin, your Facebook profile pic shows you as a very abled bodied person, so I don't get your blogging " .......... My first response to come to mind was, stolen from Kathrine Tate's comical DVD's............" How veeeeerrrrrrryyyyyy dare you ", but I don't think he would get it !!!.
Yes... My profile pic was taken on a holiday in Hong Kong, at the top of the peak, and yes, I was standing. Apologies to all and sundry for not having updated my pic...... But, in going forward with my present condition, I think that that pic, encourages me with my quest to regain full function of this  rather stubborn bod ! To avoid any confusion, I have made a mental note to change that pic, as the determination from within far out weighs any logistics in the mind to use that pic as a frame of reference !!! Had never really thought about it, but maybe there is a point in his observation - will post a pic of the cripple me in the hopes that this follower can conceptualise the extremities of this injury ! If not, will block him permanently from the site - Like I want to be in this situation !!!!

Today started off as a rather gloomy, normal, London autumn day - grey sky's, rain and just a touch of wind. After an amazing Physio session yesterday, and having accomplished shelving space in the store cupboards, I tasked myself with the organisation of drawers, pantry cupboard and hall cupboard, with the intention of minimising the time taken each morning to ready myself for the day.

Current Jeeves has a long face, as I have told him that the normal 2,5 hours needs to be reduced to 1 hour - not possible he says. WELL, I say it has to happen otherwise we need to re-assess your caring abilities - further long face. I instruct to take everything out of the chest of drawers, together with any supplies from the hall cupboard. Over loading of all sorts - made up of 1 drawer now for a streamline morning regime ! Jeeves 2  ( double up ) fully understands where I am coming from ! I feel better !!

Jeeves 2 ( 24/7 ) arrives for change over on Monday morning ! So let's see what his response is gonna be ? I assume not pleased as I am now taking complete control of my care - Something closer to regaining more independence. From constant reminders that we are running out of various supplies, to an overload of supplies randomly showed into drawers never to be seen again !

So, we are all set for a new morning regime - will keep you posted !

The unfortunate thing about ( SCI ) , spinal cord injury, is that you are never assured of the following day's outcome. Maybe hectic spasms, unpredictable  bowels, just feeling shitty, there is no reason or explanation but, you just have to get on with it and deal with whatever faces you ! I am sure that the wine aids in the discomfort which follows the following day !!!!! But, there is precious little to give up now to warrant any kind of more pleasurable following day !!

So, as I slowly sip my Pinot Gricio, watching the herbs grow on the small balcony, I can only but say that life is good for the moment. Live in the moment, embrace what we have, and always remember, if you can see the shadows behind you, you are not moving forward !

Love Ya
G.

I'm Still standing !!!!

So today was first introduction into the Physio's space in the community ! A space, out of my usual regime governed by the hospital's choices of time, readiness and " what shall we do with him today " slot !!! I really miss my old team who for months on end, battled, and tried every route to enable the bodily function to resume as much function as possible ! Cecilia, Debs, Rachel, and loads more I will love you forever for your ever breaking  rules of Physio.

Out in the real world, I kinda thought that would all dissapte into some sort of oblivion, all parties wrapped up in their next challenge that Stanmore provided . How  wrong I was !!!!! Attended my first Physio session on the outside, who knew my injury, my inexplicable quest to walk as well as my full inability to make my legs work !! I thank you all at Stanmore, most importantly, Cecelia for handing me over to a compitent case study.

Having had them in my home, with various stretching eecersises etc etc , I made my merry way to the resource centre today . Yes, yes, yes..... Slings available etc, etc, I was able to stand for about 30 mins.

All is falling into place !! I will encourage all sorts to make it all happen !

Love ya all for the support !

XXXX

G.