So the hospital gives you a number to call in order for you to arrange transport to the spinal clinic. BUT, what they omit to tell you, is that you need to book it a week in advance - I call the night before, only to be told this ! Great ! I plead, and bargain, to no avail - I even pulled the cripple shit, forgetting that they only patients that they transport are in the similar condition as I am !! Rules are rules, and in this case, NOT to be broken.
So, I am on my own - hectic research on taxi's, busses etc, etc. come to the conclusion that I have to take the Jubilee line, ending in Alcatraz area, then take bus 107, then walk/wheel for 10 minutes through he decrepit hospital up to the spinal unit which was home to me for 6 months of this journey of mine !
Amazing how we think we can control our emotions, but in fact we have really no control at all - the sub-conscience is a wicked part of the mind that needs so much delving into !!
As we entered the ' falling down ', maze of corridors, un-inviting buildings, my stomach churned. I had no idea or control over the pit of doom and gloom that started to fester in my gut !! Was this REALLY where I had stayed, and achieved so much ??? Those small baby steps that seemed at the time to be huge leaps of faith ! The pre-fab buildings, circa World War One, the ever depressing corridors that I hussled and bustled around calling' home '...................
Entering the AMU ward, changed my feelings. Luckily enough to be greeted by some of my favourite nurse - Mark-Adam, Kerry, Florie, Emma and too many more to mention. These are people that saw me at my worst, nursed me through some hell-wrenching times..... God, I miss them, and thanks for the amazing response from all of you !!!! I did have the courage to peak into ' Room 2 ' - What looked like a patient half way between death and re- incarnation was in MY bed, room,space for 6 months !! As they pointed out, that ward will never seem the same without me ! U.S. South Africans who say it like it is !!!!
On to the next appointment , was to be in spinal reception - to be greeted by many a nurse, aid worker, sister etc, etc - Have really had my ego stroked today !! First session with the psychologist, the lovely Helen ! A great half hour of talking crap, knowing full well that she was gonna get nothing but positive energy outa me ! The usual questions of the hardships of reintergrating back into society ! We landed up chatting about the poppies at the London Tower - clean slate !!!
Then, the most daunting to me, was my next appointment with my consultant, who, from the onset had said I was an ' unusual ' case. Loads of questions, loads more questions, and she to, informed me that she would only give her opinion once I had seen the Physio's and OT'S report, however, she was very pleased with my attitude and welcomed the fact that I was so keen to get back into mainstream life. Dismissed like a naughty school kid ! - a happy one though ! Bless her - Angela Gall, and she is going to look into the weight gain !
So my major fear, was in fact the least of my concerns ! Physio's and OT'S should have been my worry ! And here I am wheeling my way through the spinal rehab ward en route to physio assessment. Those all so familia smells of urine, trying to be hidden by chemical bleach, looking into the four bedded wards filled with people far worse off than myself ! The ' Day ' room, chockers with patients trying to get a fork to their mouth, nurses cutting up food and feeding their patients, that smell, that smell, that smell !!! Thank you Lord for that experience, coz a year ago - I was in the same place ! Yes, a year along, albeit with a care package, I am re-introducing myself into this big, wide world, with unbelievable challenges ! Having been given those few minutes of what I have just experienced, makes me more determined to get outa this chair and find my legs again !!!
Down the depressing corridor to the gym, and Physio's I go - another uplifting experience to be greeted like you have no idea. Emma, Sue, Nicks............... These were my contacts to the outside world whilst in captivity, and darling Rachel, who is totally against breaking any rules ! I am immediately ushered off to the kitchen to make my own hot chocolate, a standard set by myself when living there.... No OT unless I had a hot chocolate !
My assessment begins, jokes over, serious business ! It is agreed that the Botox to my LHS is wearing off, Emma tweeks the 4 x 4, and Sue gets on with her assessment. It appears as though my nerve endings have grown, far more muscle movement on the LHS, huge improvement to the clawing hand, and, and, and ! They are suitably impressed. Now await orthotics appointment to be organised by aEmma and a re-Botox appointment ! THEY WANT ME BACK !!.........There is all good positive reasons to want to live again ! There has been improvement and that is the best thing I,could hear. So with a renewed will to conquer this journey that has been dealt to me. I am to continue with the community physio work, and continue with the carers daily excersises. Early in the new year, once the orthotics work and Botox done ( some time in December ), and once a bed is available, I will do a two - three week stint there again with intensive therapy to the LHS.
This I promise you my friend " I will walk again ".
Sent with love, high spirits and big thank you's for you ongoing support ! As always, be thankful for what we have, mend broken bridges, and do NOT look behind you at your shadow - move forwards !!!!!
Love you all.....
G.
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