And the Grass is always Greener .........!!!

So, the buzzer goes and it is another delivery from Amazon. One huge box, that I have absolutely no idea of its contents, plus a smaller box that I assume is going to be some led lights to try and instill a some Christmas spirit !

I ask Andreas to open - small box contents consist of 68 fridge magnets - YES !! 68 of them !! What on earth was I thinking ??? So a few get put onto the door, and the balance are going to Rameez's nieces. The next huge box presents as artificial lawn, perfectly manicured astro- turf ! Enough ' grass ' to cover a pavement. I guess my measurements were a little off, but have a vague recollection of a 3am online shop from a few days ago ! So the wooden decking of the minute balcony off the lounge is to be grassed. Andreas commissioned to lay turf immediately - tape measure out, mini tac's at hand and half an hour later, the dull wooden balcony is transformed into a space fit for the ' Chelsea Flower  Show '


 My new best friend, Ben, who sells olives at the Borough market happens to have his storage space under the arches around the corner from me, opens up on a Saturday, along with numerous cheese makers, vege growers, coffee suppliers etc etc etc, have been given permission by the council to trade on a Saturday - whole new experience and ease of shopping right on my doorstep ! Anyway, Ben, who is a hippie looking guy with long dread-locks, fully into being all ' green ' and seems to be a bit of a tree hugger recognizes me as having been there last Saturday ( not difficult when I carry the 4x4 stamp of approval ), seems pleased to see me again as we can converse about his fascination with the great white sharks off the shores of SA.

Being the ' green ' guy he is, rather than re-cycle hid olive tins, he is giving the empty tins away, promoting growing herbs in them. A sudden creative gardening flare comes over me and I take 7 of
them, with every intent of going to Columbia  road flower market to buy beautiful lilies and potted thyme and lavender bushes to fill the tins in order to block out the ever approaching railway line and in the hopes of blurring the rather unsightly wholesale depot across the road from me. Sadly did not make the market today, but will find a store that sells plants and fill the tins. The carers think I am quite peculiar, and just DONT get it !

This past week has been pretty uneventful ! Usual regimes to start the day, office for a few hours a day, Andrea fetching and escorting me to work.......all pretty boring, really apart from, which I have mentioned before - standing frame delivered, which will enable me to stand as much as possible - really good for the posture, balance etc etc

Valentine, the new lady live in that replaces Ivan, is working out really well. She managed to roast a chicken and veg last night, under full instruction, and complete amazement that one could roast butternut - which she refers to as puncheon ( pumpkin ). She managed to completely destroy a ' add milk and stir ' instant cheese sauce, make complete mush out of the rice ( thrown out ), but the spuds, butternut and chicken were great !!

So, with new ground rules being set tomorrow, after all the testosterone filled ' gripes ' between the carers, and having complete clarification from the agency, new rules apply !!! So menial, unyet so important NOT to be having to worry about the daily bickering of staff members - trying to please all is just plain impossible ! Having spent useless hours last weekend listening to ' who thinks who ' is doing more / less work, cupboard space for each carer, underlined cleaning duties etc etc etc I had the agency email me the terms and conditions of their employment !

As it turns out...... They have actually shot themselves in the foot, and I rather suspect that they are going to be somewhat upset !!! I have, wrongly so , just pandered to their shopping lists - I understood it, that it was my duty to feed them, and accordingly did a weekly shop - costing a fortune
of meat, fresh dairy, certain cheese only, etc etc etc - so in my mind the most cost effective solution was to buy chickens, roast beef, chops etc etc, like any household would do ! OH hob wrong I have been - agency emailed me a list of provisions deemed to be sufficient as the home owner ! Turns out, that there is a really basic list of everyday items that I need to provide. The rest is for their account !

So, in pure master / servant style, I am to allocate a cupboard space, one shelf in the fridge and some freezer space. This cupboard is to be labeled Carers, and with regards to the space in their room, the two living in, must share the cupboard and the two double ups are to be allocated space to put their jackets and daily bag - the responsibility to feed themselves lies with themselves. Obviously coffee and tea to be provided by myself !!

It never ceases to amaze me, that no matter where in the world one is......it boils down to the social hierarchy. Here I have been taken for a complete ride, and through their own pathetic little nuances, they have to have the book thrown at them !

The funny thing is, that through all this nothingness, and trying to keep this one and that one happy, for fear of losing them, I have realised, that it REALLY does not matter if I do lose one or two along the way. I might need the care, in fact, I DO need the care but never again will I have a sword held to my throat !

Enough of a bitch session now ! Spent an amazing afternoon with Sharron and Tyler yesterday, catching up on all the news ! They stayed over, and we headed out to the South bank as the weather was so good. Ambled around the Xmas stalls, along the river and found a fish n chips restaurant for lunch - what a laid back, fun weekend ! Will hopefully see Sharron before she jets back to SA ! You two rock ! And thanks for your patients with the 4 x 4.

As always guys, posted with love and ongoing health ! Will get another blog OT two in prior to Christmas !

Love ya

G.

So I rang God this morning !.......... He answered !!!!

So my last blog was full of bitching and moaning about ME ! Gotta keep reminding myself that I am not the only person with gripes ! Normal wake up call from Eugene, who I ' hate ' at that time of the morning ! As the saying goes...... You can choose one of two paths for the day - good or bad. I know that I am teetering on the more sombre one. My body hating every absolutely nessesary exersize needed to maintain any semblance of spasticity within the muscle make up ! ' Why ME ? ' creeps into my head like some evil worm trying to throw me off kilter !! " Fu&:)@k this I manage to argue between the grey matter and reasonable doubt !!!

Have got to make a call to God ! More often than not, His line is busy ! Much like the SA load shedding :) , just when you need the damn current, it is NOT available ! Well this morning HE picked up ! Shock, horror, and total disbelief !! Yeah, I shit you not ! I immediately start an argument with him, why this ?, why that ?, why me ?.........................Suddenly the excersisers become less strenuous,  I find my limbs embracing them, even helping with the movements ! My mind tilts a little, and thoughts of some of the patients from Alcatraz that I left behind, enter my minds eye, the beautiful lights that I am able to see as I pass through Canary Wharf en-rout to and from work, the ability to be able to work again, the use of what I have enabling me to re-build a life etc etc etc they JUST did not stop coming....way too many to list !! SO, there was no option, BUT to choose the positive attitude.

Feast or famine, He had intervened, my mindset now on the good road ! Andreas, completely agog whilst escorting me to work - I greeted the 100 year old graves passing through the church yard with ' morning fellow's, sleep tight ' Did not swear or curse at the other pavement users so busy texting that they would be run down by the 4 x 4, no profanity, and even greeted the tramp outside the station. Sadly, did not see the usual one, a middle aged woman with tyre length hair, no legs and rotten teeth - usually perched proceriously on the edge of her chair pretending that she was gonna fall out !! I am not joking ! She looks like a hamster with no cross bar for the wheels ! I Sussed her out on day one, when she tried to befriend me ! NO GO, as the saying goes ' you can choose your friends, but........... ' That low roller was not gonna be a part of this high rollers circle ! But had she been there, perhaps I would have thrown a few coins into her lice infected beret that she hovers over. ( I do however have to admire her balance skills - sooo envious )

More mind over matter, I maniplate my way behind my desk - all colleagues walking on ' egg shells ' Think they might have read my last blog ! Jo, comes out of his office, and simply asks ' are you over yourself yet ? ' Yes, I answer ! OK, get on with Dragon then ! Gotta love his diplomacy !!

So the next phase of this ' Dragon ' voice activated program, level that we have, tells me my accent is not recognized - WORLDWIDE !!!, and I need to re-read to it, on a wholesale degree in order for it to re-boot the voice activation box ! I have options.......... Whinny the Poo, Alice in Wonderland, and some other freaked out fables. I select Alice !!, ......... WRONG move !, coz every time I say Alice, in unison the others say ' Who the F&£@ck is Alice ' - Dragon picks this up, and after poor ol Alice falls down the rabbit hole, the pc types ' and who the f&£@ck is Alice '

Again, I refer back to my conversation with Him this morning ! How lucky I am to have these amazing people in my life - Jo, who says it like it is ! Thank you. Justin, who NEVER makes enough coffee, Eileen, who is lacking in bleach for the hair !!:), Tobes who mothers me around getting me in and out from my desk for a Marlbourgh Gold !! Yes, Don't judge ! Thank you guys ! Umit, Marcio, and Guy - Same sentiment given. As for Sebastian & Nina ( the half breed, going as British bull-dogs, AKA Chucky and Chuckies bride ) they want nothing to do with me ! That will pass, I consol myself..... Especially when I am up for deep fried chicken and chips from the corner cafe'.

Another huge hurdle over come today was the fact that a permanent live in was changing over. I had basically told the agency that if they were prepared to employ her ( yes a her ) I would be greatful to have her. She arrived yesterday for some shadowing work, and full time as of today. She is young, compitent, knows her spinal stuff, has bowel management experience, and is lovely ! Her name is Valentineouis - with her approval, she is re-named Valentine ! Giggles every time I beckon. No Mona Lisa, rather portly, big in presence, and has a bit if a sence of humour ! She has never grilled chops before, which I find fascinating, but gives me another angle to gaining independence - Instruction ! I swear if she checks the backing potato's one more time, they will jump outa their tin foil back into the vegetable basket !,,, Food for thought.............. Less is more !!

With that my valued friends, family and tag on followers ( which are so important on this journey ), I need to get back to my Valentine and precious lamb chops !

Always sent with love, on-going health, and no criticism to anyone !

That phone will always be answered. Our time is irrelevant. His time needs to be respected !

Lova ya all.

G.

Keeping Positive !!!

Funny, how small inuendoe's can unravel a bucket of emotions, seemingly so 'far ' away !!! Today, I moan ! Today I am unaccepting of my condition !!, today I hate the ever forthcoming' of positive slogans, which in theory are to make me less bitter and twittered ! Today I hate life !!!! Today , !!! Is my biiiiiiiaaaaaaatttch day !

Having spent the majority of the weekend in negotiations with full times and double up's !, via- ing for my attention ! All looking for the right's and wrong's of everyday care ! I hate it !!! But, a nessesary evil, needed to be sorted. Too much testosterone and too little care ! Not an option to explore at the moment, but an option open to me and the care company !!!!! I off load this morning with the care company !

Gotta give it to them - sympathetic, yet firm ! New approach ! Haul them all together, lay down the ground rules again..... Awaiting care companies email, which will be handed out to the two different teams ! No longer meals on my wheels, no longer copious amounts of coffee, milk, etc etc etc. I hate this condition, but it is the only one I have to deal with at the moment !

Care company, sympathetic, but now understand where I am coming from ! If any of the carers want to leave, let them go immediately !! I hate this, but in order to be in control of your destiny in ' Finding my Legs Again ' This has to happen.

As per my previous blogs, these people are ' Not ' my friends !!! Gotta get that into my noodle ! Sooo with a release on life, I go forward in treating as such ! Hard, but real !

As such, I had asked for a replacement for a 24/7. Without any interview, and the agencies full honesty, a Polish lady began today ! A little brash on the English, but seems to know what she is doing ! Valentina is her name, and she takes over full custody tomorrow - Trust and Believe is what I have bases the replacement with ! 

 I simmer down to a cold glass of PG, looking at the railway line , and trust in tomorrow !!

Love you all, and as always.........sent with ongoing health. Xx

G.

Doe* Eye's ? Are they still Looking ???

My weekend 'double up ' , the amazing Rameez, is commissioned to get me to Kingston for a lunch date with the family here prior to everyone's departing to whatever part of the world they are destined for ! A function that Nic organizes every year - Thanks Nic xxx. Last year, unable to attend, bed-bound in hospital was probably one of the most depressing days of my condition, as I realised then that my life would probably never be the same again, and I was missing something that I had enjoyed so much in the past !

A year later, proudly so, I can say I attended the lunch - albeit in a chair, and in ' not the same ' condition, but I made it !!! If, from what heard of last years lunch, Tom & Del had a ball - probably the only real break they had from the endless hospital visits ! Those beautiful cousins of mine plying them with love, light, and laughter - booze ' excluded ' !!! I, of course am nearly 2 hrs late ! But, I can hide behind the 'cripple ' thing and am excused by everyone........ Greeted with an unbelievable energy by all, and again embrace the slow but painful realization that this is a long road ahead, BUT, I am at least trying to get to the end of it, and again with many cul-de-sac's that await the future - this is and will be my path for the now !

On the train up, Rameez starts to tell me about a patient he is taking care of during the week, who has a particular condition that requires a certain body suit........... And how people stare ! He asks me how I have managed to deal with the same ? Me ? Why ? Who ? ......... Stares ?? Suddenly it dawns on me... Yes, 'they' do !! Something that I have not conscientiously observed - perhaps coz I do not see in myself. Getting on and off trains, busses, tubes etc etc...... They DO stare ! An extraordinary feeling overcomes me - this has to be temporary !! What the F#%ck ! I will just have to stare back. It works !!! Their eyes are diverted way before mine !

A fabulous afternoon, a call to Rameez to collect me to chaperone me home, I leave with a sense of achievement. I have started building hours for work, and more importantly, am making an effort to reintroduce myself into socializing again ! Xmas 2014 here I am ! And note to self ,,, Xmas 2015, gotta be up on my feet !

As I sit looking out over the railway line, sipping my last PG of the evening, I realise just how far I have come in a year. I thank you all for the constant sense of encouragement ! Don't give up yet ! This journey might be a long one, but there is many a laugh to come before it ends.

Finding my legs again, is just beginning !

With love and ongoing health !

G.

Wheelchair Woe's !

So, it is a big night out for me ! Having been to work, until Dragon speech Recognition has finally exhausted me, home quickly to refresh, short but needed standing session in the newly acquired standing frame - taxi booked, and off we go to meet Jen and Tess for diner. Andreas ( now full time double up ) escorts me to the venue. No problem getting in / out of the taxi, he settles me in at the resteraunt, dismissed to go home, and Eugene to be called to collect me after diner to escort me home. I really feel like some kinda of celebrity !!! Can't seem to move without somebody shadowing me to ensure ease of normal everyday living.

As always, an amazing time spent over diner - laughter and fabulous company ! Tessa trying her best to convince Jen and myself to attend certain courses, neither of us the least bit interested ! But relentless as she is, not giving up on the two of us. We giggle over various characters Jen has created for her book that is to be written - watch this space........ Jen - WRITE the book !!!! One of the best attributes of these two special friends is, that no matter what hurdles they may be facing, their attitude and zest for life is in no way compromised ! Always they same, no hidden agendas, apart from Jen and here seemingly endless plastic card, and the usual argument about the bill. SHE ALWYS wins ! Not fare Jen !!, but will think smart next round and I will book the table, and threaten the waiter with his life !!

All good thinks have to come to an end, and before we know it, after lobster, an amazing burger, and a vegetarian sandwich, our diner date is over! Call to Eugene to come, call to taxi cab to come.... Eugene arrives, then the cab, and we leave our table to load the 4 x 4 into the taxi to take me home.

Well, the ramp that the cab has is rather steep - but, not to be sniffed at, I attempt the incline, get my pip caught between the chair and the roof of the cab, coupled with the back wheels grasping all the traction and me lying perpendicular with the floor - Eugene holding me up from behind, me shitting myself as to how to avoid crashing backwards onto the pavement ! Not funny, but quite hilarious from a ' Far side ' of things !! Driver not prepared to help, for avoidance of being sue'ed, people waiting to get seated in restaurant glaring but not bothering to get involved, and here we are STUCK. Eugene has an idea....... Gently reverse back wheels in order to get them back onto the ramp, then duck head similar to ' brace ' position so often shown on flights, we tilt the 4 x 4, and wham.... I am upright and hurtling into the cab - bashed and clocked head as I skim through the doorway. All seemed like some publicity stunt !! All well and good being inside now, I won't even go there to explain how we got me out on the other end, surffice to say, that if that did dent bring on another bleed.........then I am far more healed than antissipated !!

The time spent at the office on Thursday taken up with trying to master Dragon. Frustrating to say the leased as it is like trying to learn a new language ! Just grasping the gist of, but will eventually master it ! Quiet night in, as yesterday's debarckles had left me rather weak. Eugene cooked a superb curry - Romanian style - delicious !

Today, back at the office for a few hours, and then meeting an old friend of mine. A rather he tick weekend ahead - Xmas lunch tomorrow with family and then a meeting an lunch with Peter and Donald on Sunday ! Am gradually getting back to my past life style !

There are bound to be some worthwhile stories to report !! Will keep you posted. Have a great weekend.

Sent with love and on-going good health.

G.

As the Wheels turn !!

I really hope that I am not boring you with too many updates, but here I go with another update ! My daily life seems to get better and all I want to do is share it via my post. The wheelchair Services maintenance man arrives this morning, ostensibly to change my snow wheels for indoor wheels. I much prefer the outdoor ' boots ' as transgressing the London pavements is far less stressful on the spasms !! The maintenance Man is flumects, he has been given the exact wheels as are on my chair !!!!......... We finally work out that the new ones are solid, and the existing ones run the risk of puncturing. So hoisting again, and snow wheels changed. This I am happy, I just need to get used to them, and pavement wheeling is far less stressful now. Indoors requires some getting used to - but this I can do !

It is quite remarkable, how many facets are envolved with a wheelchair - Prior to my injury, I just looked at someone in a chair and asummed that all chairs were the same. How wrong I was ! Lucky enough to have been part of the Stanmore rehab, one quickly realises how different each and every chair is ! Positioning, cushion, back-rest etc etc, is all part of the deal of a cripple ! Ideally, one would be better off by going to a private company to spend a fortune on what you ultimately need. Cost prohibited, and then the maintenance etc, etc becomes your responsibility. Once out of Alcatraz , your chair is issued by your local counsil. Luckily enough, I will now be an out-patient for life, and having been up there last week, they now write to my council to inform them of the changes needed ! More and more paperwork ! And, in my opinion, a waste of time ! In the meantime I remain in a chair not ideal, but will be sorted ! Eventually !!!!

Huge excitement !, today my standing frame was delivered ! Yes, all carers present, plus the care agency rep in order to sign off that this contraption can be worked by the carers. A huge step in the long winded process of recovery !! Hours of training, what was supposed to be a half hour excersise, landed up being far longer than expected !. I had all intentions of going to the office, but after the training, and collectively up's and down's, totally exhausted, put into bed again !! Am eternally greatful to my sponsor for the funding for this essential apparatus. We have already agreed that daily, after work, and just before bedtime I will stand for an hour. All in the quest for finding my legs again !!

Eugene arrived back today for his weekly shift. Gotta love him........ All semblance of order and clinical appropriate care resumed ! Being Obsesive  about cleanliness etc, etc, he takes control again !  Thankfully, I do not have to think for myself ! He is so on the ball from my pills to my leg bag...........etc, etc.

As per my last post, I have taken a huge risk, in trusting the care company's word for it. Jeeves 2 ( 24/7 ) will not return next week. I have a Polish lady starting full time next week !!! In my gut I trust !

So, tomorrow it is back to the office to see how far my learning of the Dragon program has gone !!!

As always, posted with love and on-going good health ! Remember to thank your higher being for what you have, don't question the hurdles, don't sweat the small stuff, and build bridges - tomorrow is not guaranteed !

With love,

G.