Embrace 2015 !!!!!

So with another year behind us, and all the dredged up crap about how much better the following year is gonna be, we enter 2015 !! Yes, as I see it...... Another year closer to the demise of all the ' badness ' of the previous year ! The up's, the down's, the ill fortunes, the ' this has been a bad year ', The on-going negatitivity of getting over the past year - evident in all social media available to ourselves via the consistent upgrading of technology of today !

Think about it, in the good old days, people picked up the phone to say hi, wished everyone the good wishes for the festive season, or called for a good ol' bitch !! NOT today ! Send a text, email or a what's app...... All sorted ! No contact needed, it is easier, no time wasted, and singularly the most impersonal way of communicating ever ! BUT, that seems to be the way the world is trending, so I should not slate it ! But I have to encourage verbal communication as apposed the the above ! Voice connection, shows and feels emotion. Emotion feeds the soul, and once the soul is fed.........

Having said that, and admitting to long, deep considerations of my year of 2014, stretching it a little further back to November 2013, I can realistically state that it was a year I clearly do not want to repeat ! A time of emotional up's and down's nobody will ever understand. A year of institutionalizations, nobody will understand. A year of being dictated to as to what time you get dressed, pill time, breakfast time, lunch and then diner times. A year of being completely at the hands of numerous doctors, nurses, physio's, OT'S - followed by numerous sessions of advise by abled bodied people, who, as dedicated as they are, think they have the authority to advise and ' guide ' you back into the real world ! When you are flat out in bed, completely paralized and a doctor, nurse or some shrink says " I, know how you must be feeling, BUT......... " - WHAT a load of SHIT !! My year was full of huge challenges, amounting to a journey that I have invited you to join me, and together with an inner strength that I found in order to carry on and find my legs AGAIN !!

I would be lying if I did not consider suicide ( a little difficult when you cannot move :) ). As I regained more mobility, I researched suicide clinics in Switzerland, Amsterdam and Brussels, only to realize that it can take up to three years to be approved by the courts ! Not an option - my condition was not life threatening ! I immediately instructed the medical team to put DNR - do not resuscitate, and no life support in the event of a relapse ! - had to sign wads of papers etc etc. Which proved too late once you read on.

The hours upon hours upon hours staring at a blank ceiling, unable to move, talk or control any function of the body. Coupled with the tidal effects of copious amounts of drugs - drifting in and out various 'Alice in Wonderland ' type stories !! I vaguely remember people visiting ( only 2 at a time ), offering good will gestures etc etc, not believing themselves, but it is the done thing !

At the time of my injury..... If I made 48 hours, I had a chance of survival, if I made 72 hours, I was home and dry ! BUT, it was doubtful that I would even make the 48 hours. Looking back on it, I am still convinced that I ' died ' twice - once, in the office where I collapsed, where Jo held me up like a limp puppet until the ambulance arrived. Forget all this stuff of tunnels of light and beautiful music etc etc etc. I firmly beleive that my soul left my body, and I hovered above watching paramedics frantically working over me, whilst Jo was repeatedly saying ' Stay with us Gav, you still have people to tell that you love them ! ' Mumbo jumbo,  some people might say, but there is not a night that passes without Jo's words ringing in my ears. Funny really, as all I can remember on the outside of my body is this immense spence of relief, no trumpets, no huge gates, no Angels etc etc - just sheer wholeness of oneself.

The second time, was the day I had asked the hospital to organize transport to my citizenship ceremony. They agreed, provided a physio and a doctor could attend. Did the nessesary, and returned to hospital. Apparently I expressed how exhausted I was and was put to bed. Again, I experienced this overwhelming sense of relief, wholeness and absolute peace. Again, looking down on the
hospital staff frantically inserting tubes and pipes etc, jump starting machines etc etc - no DNR in place yet - DAMN !! Next morning woke up in ICU - only to be told that they nearly lost me ! My retort not suitable for public domain.

And so good people, I could go on and on with episodes of ill will for 2014. I was luckily enough to be awarded a bed in the infamous Stanmore Spinal Rehab. Light at the end of the tunnel ( not dead yet ! ). As you would have read in all my previous blogs, to become my home for six months. Bonds formed like you cannot believe and achievable goals to make life more bearable. So far, as you know, I have half my body back, am fully reintegrated into society, living on my own - with a care pack in place. LIFE IS AS GOOD AS YO MAKE IT !,,

My challenge to you, is to please adopt my attitude in going forward into 2015. Embrace it, love yourself and your family, be greatful for what you have and don't judge !

This seems to be a very ' me ' blog, but in asking you to adopt my attitude, and with further realizations of the numerous hurdles that befall me, I was invited to two New Years eve parties - one was a booze cruise along the Thames ( Start / end point with stations quite within reach - not wheelchair accessible ). The other a house party - two steps off road level, through the house to a tent in the garden - four steps up !!!! NO GO !!

Of years gone by, I would party from the 30th through to the 2nd !!! Be off the radar for days, revelling in all the decadent festivities that befall one at this time of the year ! Miss ? OH YEAH....."........... But I have to look at everything through different eyes now, and regrets, anger, and blame I am not allowed to penetrate my grey matter.

My journey continues, my goals not reached yet, but HELL YES !! I am gonna face 2015 with a renewed vigor ! And I invited you all to join me in the same spirit !

May 2015 bless each and every one of you with health, good will, non-judgement outlooks, and a good positive attitude. Remember, 90% of what we worry about, never happens, and life is fragile.

Happy New Year !!

With love

G.